Boise, Idaho, USA
“WHERE WE LIVE” reach out
Please send a photo taken within 3 miles of where you live. Make it a scenic or a place representing your life and culture – you can even take a picture of your home or a room in it.
Everywhere we would go, people would stare at him… and it made me so mad, we were such good friends…
Subscribe and listen to “Sidewalk Ghosts” on your favorite podcast app.
Subscribe and listen to
“Sidewalk Ghosts” on your favorite podcast app.
With a 6-percent chance of survival, todays stranger-now-friend, Morgan, helps us look past Cancer and teaches us to better see the world around us.
Subscribe and listen to “Sidewalk Ghosts” on your favorite podcast app.
Subscribe and listen to
“Sidewalk Ghosts” on your favorite podcast app.
“WORD SHARE” reach out
Please send a photo of yourself, a friend, a family member, or anyone you can find holding their written word. It does not matter what language, if the spelling is correct, or even how good the photography is…
…What does matter is that the word is honest and comes from the heart.
To call him a stranger would be a deception, for I’ve known him for over 25 years. Decades where our contact with one another has been less than that of close friends. Void of the expected casual check-ins and life updates that dear friends share. Yet, in our own distanced ways we have remembered each other as we raised our children, faced our trials, and grew into the people we have not only become, but are still becoming.
Per Merriam Webster
Friendship noun
1: the state of being friends
2: the quality or state of being friendly : FRIENDLINESS
Friend transitive verb
1 : to act as the friend of : BEFRIEND
2: the quality or state of being friendly
3: to include (someone) in one’s list of designated friends on a social media service
Friend noun
1a: one attached to another by affection or esteem
She’s my best friend.
1b: ACQUAINTANCE
2a: one that is not hostile
2b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3: one that favors or promotes something (such as a charity)
4: a favored companion
5: Friend: a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war: also called Quaker
6: a person included in a list of one’s designated connections
“I knew if I continued taking it, it was going to kill me.”
Friend? An extremely actionable word. A one-syllable call to thought and deed that lives equally persuasive as both noun and verb—a consideration I hope makes us think about all those who have been part of our lives to this point, or deeper yet, in how we view those we pass by each day.
All thoughts that, as I prepare to reconnect with my friend of the past, Hank (it’s 1:34 PM as I author this portion of this narrative—he and I are planning to have an online meet at 2:30 PM), I’m pulled to inventory the shadows of my life, and as I do, prepare myself to open my heart to any pasts he wishes to share.
It’s a funny thing to take a pause in looking back and ponder forward. A process that, for me sometimes gets blurred by the comparisons, expectations, and perceptions that no matter how hard I work to overcome, still find ways to influence me (and I invite you to share in the comments how it is for you).
So today, as I reconnect with what seems like a friend of the past, I realize the impact he has upon me at this moment. In this statement, I reach out to you for your reflection. For as we share the story he is about to expose, and although the passageways of life, circumstance, and geography have distanced Hank and I, the little voice inside is telling me we are about to dig into more than shadows of days we have lost…
…It’s now 2:30 as Hank logs into my link. Retired now, he sits in the comfort of a ranch-style wooden log house. Home to the life he has carved in partnership with his wife and long-time companion Dee, their 2 children, and 3 dogs. And like me, Hank is over the age of 60. A person not old, yet aged enough to have lived through quite a bit. A person, who still trying to figure out his purpose, is in my opinion, just hitting his prime. A prime where he openly realizes his blessings, but as he does, chooses to point his heart toward those around him, and today as we get to know him, even us.
At first glance, it would be easy to label Hank as privileged. Tempting to profile him as a person of wealth whose path has been an easy street. But under the skin, the story of Hank is quite different. Sure Hank has achieved a degree of professional and personal success, but just like all of us, he has faced his demons.
“It does not define who I am,” Hank humbly states as he releases a phantom in his closet. A statement qualifying his intentions to not be cliché in his admission. That ghost? Opioid Addiction.
“My friends would often ask me, “If I was being 100% Hank? Meaning a bit more euphoric that my normal self.”
“At first, it was euphoria, and I knew the risk I was taking. but then it quickly turned to control me. The good feeling left, and the back pain it was originally prescribed to numb returned. That’s when I knew I was in trouble.” For years Hank battled the addiction. Told no one as he dealt with the conflict of pain and shame. And as the doctors labeled his condition as a dependency, his pain grew from physical to emotional. “I knew if I continued taking it, it was going to kill me.” A realization that smacked him in the face when pharmacists began to reject his prescriptions. “I just sat in my car. Angry, and feeling the sickness of withdrawal. And it ain’t pretty ” He recalls.
“I’m not ashamed to share my story, and I hope it can help at least help one person,” he tells me.
Sure, Hank looks like the privileged guy, even is in a lot of ways. But in introducing him to you, I promise he is not that. For in his heart is a man who cares about those around him–regardless of who they are or what they believe. A man who is doing what he can to be transparent, and a man who is using his means to support others.
“I don’t like to be the center of focus. I’m not the lead guy, I’m the guy who supports others.”
I look at his portfolio. Think about the Hank who saved me decades ago. Me at a time of rebuilding my life after bankruptcy, homelessness, a broken relationship, and the beginning of a marriage. And as I do, I see more than the formatted list of leadership titles. I see the outreach organizations he has given countless hours to, the 40 years of people he has put before himself, and the works of compassion he so readily lives forward.
“I don’t like to be the center of focus,” Hank positions, continuing, “I’m not the lead guy, I’m the guy who supports others.”
But when it comes to the topic of addiction, Hank holds nothing back. Open in telling his story to anyone he can. And as you take in his photographs and see the background of his home, know that he is aware of the privilege he has lived. Yet in his expression of good fortune, he credits more than himself for his temporal success. Is sincere as he drops his walls regarding the choices he made regarding his addiction. And most of all, sincere in his hopes that his story can in someway—help others.
From me to Hank, it’s been far too long since we last spoke.
From me to you, my friends of RadstoneBLOG, I have but a straightforward ask. Can you take a minute to think about those who have influenced your life? And as their names and faces pop into your mind, might you take a moment to see how they are?
Hank, I’m glad we re-connected, I look forward to sharing more of your story: For in this short blog, I’ve only scratched the surface of what you have to share. Your story of kindness, love, and sacrifice must be heard. So to all of you following my podcast Sidewalk Ghosts, stay tuned, there is more of Hank to know.
Oh yeah? Per Hank’s big why? Well, I’m saving that for the podcast to come. But here is a hint: Kindness toward others.
Talk tomorrow my good friends,
Richard
Dobarsko, Bulgaria
“WHERE WE LIVE” reach out
Please send a photo taken within 3 miles of where you live. Make it a scenic or a place representing your life and culture – you can even take a picture of your home or a room in it.
“WORD SHARE” reach out
Please send a photo of yourself, a friend, a family member, or anyone you can find holding their written word. It does not matter what language, if the spelling is correct, or even how good the photography is…
…What does matter is that the word is honest and comes from the heart.
Why was he wearing that G-string?
Subscribe and listen to “Sidewalk Ghosts” on your favorite podcast app.
Subscribe and listen to
“Sidewalk Ghosts” on your favorite podcast app.
I’m just going to let it rip from my gut today—and please know, I am not downplaying any who have trusted us with their heartfelt stories. For you truly matter to me, and I pray, all of us.
So as I introduce you to today’s stranger-now-friend, Morgan, I need you to know that (and Morgan, I think you feel the same), in telling her story, she is openly celebrating you.
In this thought, I feel it appropriate that, even though Morgan does not know you, her heart is filled with love toward you. And in honor of all you have loved, and whatever you have endured, know that Morgan is by your side—at least that is the opinion of this author.
So as we take in her introduction, may I ask, that we look toward both those closest, and those farthest away from us. Listen for the quiet voice whispering from within. To take a breath, and then exhale. And in the gesture, to pause in seeing beyond what we feel?
A quick heads up, and reason for being rather brief in this story, Morgan will be the next Sidewalk Ghosts podcast episode. But even with that, there is so much to share of what she taught me today—a lesson I have learned over and over again, and one that I pray can touch each of us in whatever way we need.
Morgan has been through a lot. Rape and its resulting trauma, stage-4 sinus cancer that doctors diagnosed with a 6 percent chance of surviving, 33 rounds of radiation, and the whole set of body-crushing meds grounding the treatments. All news she found out, with her fiance by her side, only weeks before her wedding.
She told me of the tears and the trembling when she was informed of her low mortality statistics. A shock of all shocks, that in her words, “that’s not the stuff you hear about yourself,” rocked her to her knees. And, as she heard the prognosis in a most clinically dry and matter-of-fact way, he wrapped his arms around her.
“Don’t listen to them, you’re not going to die. We’re going to beat this,” she remembers. My eyes wet as she painted me a picture of the day she learned of a deathly fate as seen by others. “I’m trembling again just thinking back to that moment,” she shivers.
You probably guessed it, and as I spoke with her, in the background of their home he stood, the man who held her all so tight. Her once fiance, now husband: Lucas—another story for another time.
she tells of her story, of those who unlifted her at her darkest moments, and of the possibility of a gruesome and painful death, is one she credits the influence of others. Even the divine power she now harnesses in living forward
Her smile and spirit were alive and infectious as we talked of the darker episodes of her past, the present she is living, and the people who had inflicted her pain, as well as those who had, in their way, stood forward as saviors. Her trust overwhelming as, without hesitation, she permissions me to share her light with you. A task I hope I can accomplish in the limited pages of a blog and the upcoming words of a podcast.
I see Morgan as a healer more than one who has been healed. An expression that, perhaps at this moment, is one I’m telling in a very theatrical way. And please know, I’m not meaning to grandstand her, or attempting to put her pain above any that you or I may have gone through, or are now enduring. To do so, would be disrespectful, and an action that could destroy the unified power that together, we are sharing with the world. But to downplay her contribution to the community we are forming would be equally wrong.
I often speak of how far the impact of any one individual can reach. So today, and in my promise of vulnerability to you, I have to confess the truth that Morgan has unknowingly carried me past some pain I’ve been bearing. For in her all so featherlike countenance she grants me, and all of us, hope. A hope, that as she tells of her story, of those who unlifted her at her darkest moments, and of the possibility of a gruesome and painful death, is one she credits the influence of others. Even the divine power she now harnesses in living forward. A present in which she identifies the comforting power as love, the greatest healer as something from above, and the willingness to let go, the strength to conquer mountains.
Morgan, thank you for opening your heart to us. And in this sentiment might we all look at each other! Embrace our loved ones! Even those who have hurt us! To do as Morgan has so wonderfully and eloquently exampled: Let go of our controls. Talk to our spiritual sources as we ask for guidance from beyond ourselves. And as we do, to step forward in one of the hardest challenges of life, that being: To forgive our pained circumstances, and harder yet, our transgressors.
So it is in this blog typing moment. In tribute to my new friends Morgan and Lucas, and in recognition of all of us—shall we join with one another in a short moment of meditation, and if you will, prayers to your higher power. And as we collectively listen for an answer, might we all live it forward.
Talk tomorrow my good friends,
Richard
Oops, Morgan’s Why. Simply this: “To love.”
I asked him a leading question about who he was—then he paused.
Subscribe and listen to “Sidewalk Ghosts” on your favorite podcast app.
Subscribe and listen to
“Sidewalk Ghosts” on your favorite podcast app.
