“At first, it was euphoria, but then it quickly turned to control me.”
To call him a stranger would be a deception, for I’ve known him for over 25 years. Decades where our contact with one another has been less than that of close friends. Void of the expected casual check-ins and life updates that dear friends share. Yet, in our own distanced ways we have remembered each other as we raised our children, faced our trials, and grew into the people we have not only become, but are still becoming.
Per Merriam Webster
Friendship noun
1: the state of being friends
2: the quality or state of being friendly : FRIENDLINESS
Friend transitive verb
1 : to act as the friend of : BEFRIEND
2: the quality or state of being friendly
3: to include (someone) in one’s list of designated friends on a social media service
Friend noun
1a: one attached to another by affection or esteem
She’s my best friend.
1b: ACQUAINTANCE
2a: one that is not hostile
2b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3: one that favors or promotes something (such as a charity)
4: a favored companion
5: Friend: a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war: also called Quaker
6: a person included in a list of one’s designated connections
“I knew if I continued taking it, it was going to kill me.”
Friend? An extremely actionable word. A one-syllable call to thought and deed that lives equally persuasive as both noun and verb—a consideration I hope makes us think about all those who have been part of our lives to this point, or deeper yet, in how we view those we pass by each day.
All thoughts that, as I prepare to reconnect with my friend of the past, Hank (it’s 1:34 PM as I author this portion of this narrative—he and I are planning to have an online meet at 2:30 PM), I’m pulled to inventory the shadows of my life, and as I do, prepare myself to open my heart to any pasts he wishes to share.
It’s a funny thing to take a pause in looking back and ponder forward. A process that, for me sometimes gets blurred by the comparisons, expectations, and perceptions that no matter how hard I work to overcome, still find ways to influence me (and I invite you to share in the comments how it is for you).
So today, as I reconnect with what seems like a friend of the past, I realize the impact he has upon me at this moment. In this statement, I reach out to you for your reflection. For as we share the story he is about to expose, and although the passageways of life, circumstance, and geography have distanced Hank and I, the little voice inside is telling me we are about to dig into more than shadows of days we have lost…
…It’s now 2:30 as Hank logs into my link. Retired now, he sits in the comfort of a ranch-style wooden log house. Home to the life he has carved in partnership with his wife and long-time companion Dee, their 2 children, and 3 dogs. And like me, Hank is over the age of 60. A person not old, yet aged enough to have lived through quite a bit. A person, who still trying to figure out his purpose, is in my opinion, just hitting his prime. A prime where he openly realizes his blessings, but as he does, chooses to point his heart toward those around him, and today as we get to know him, even us.
At first glance, it would be easy to label Hank as privileged. Tempting to profile him as a person of wealth whose path has been an easy street. But under the skin, the story of Hank is quite different. Sure Hank has achieved a degree of professional and personal success, but just like all of us, he has faced his demons.
“It does not define who I am,” Hank humbly states as he releases a phantom in his closet. A statement qualifying his intentions to not be cliché in his admission. That ghost? Opioid Addiction.
“My friends would often ask me, “If I was being 100% Hank? Meaning a bit more euphoric that my normal self.”
“At first, it was euphoria, and I knew the risk I was taking. but then it quickly turned to control me. The good feeling left, and the back pain it was originally prescribed to numb returned. That’s when I knew I was in trouble.” For years Hank battled the addiction. Told no one as he dealt with the conflict of pain and shame. And as the doctors labeled his condition as a dependency, his pain grew from physical to emotional. “I knew if I continued taking it, it was going to kill me.” A realization that smacked him in the face when pharmacists began to reject his prescriptions. “I just sat in my car. Angry, and feeling the sickness of withdrawal. And it ain’t pretty ” He recalls.
“I’m not ashamed to share my story, and I hope it can help at least help one person,” he tells me.
Sure, Hank looks like the privileged guy, even is in a lot of ways. But in introducing him to you, I promise he is not that. For in his heart is a man who cares about those around him–regardless of who they are or what they believe. A man who is doing what he can to be transparent, and a man who is using his means to support others.
“I don’t like to be the center of focus. I’m not the lead guy, I’m the guy who supports others.”
I look at his portfolio. Think about the Hank who saved me decades ago. Me at a time of rebuilding my life after bankruptcy, homelessness, a broken relationship, and the beginning of a marriage. And as I do, I see more than the formatted list of leadership titles. I see the outreach organizations he has given countless hours to, the 40 years of people he has put before himself, and the works of compassion he so readily lives forward.
“I don’t like to be the center of focus,” Hank positions, continuing, “I’m not the lead guy, I’m the guy who supports others.”
But when it comes to the topic of addiction, Hank holds nothing back. Open in telling his story to anyone he can. And as you take in his photographs and see the background of his home, know that he is aware of the privilege he has lived. Yet in his expression of good fortune, he credits more than himself for his temporal success. Is sincere as he drops his walls regarding the choices he made regarding his addiction. And most of all, sincere in his hopes that his story can in someway—help others.
From me to Hank, it’s been far too long since we last spoke.
From me to you, my friends of RadstoneBLOG, I have but a straightforward ask. Can you take a minute to think about those who have influenced your life? And as their names and faces pop into your mind, might you take a moment to see how they are?
Hank, I’m glad we re-connected, I look forward to sharing more of your story: For in this short blog, I’ve only scratched the surface of what you have to share. Your story of kindness, love, and sacrifice must be heard. So to all of you following my podcast Sidewalk Ghosts, stay tuned, there is more of Hank to know.
Oh yeah? Per Hank’s big why? Well, I’m saving that for the podcast to come. But here is a hint: Kindness toward others.
Talk tomorrow my good friends,
Richard