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SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 301: “Live Life To The Fullest”

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Tanner is cut, and bold in his conviction. The kind of guy that looks at home in a gym, the hub of self-absorbed culture and petri dish for assumed vanity. A place where three times a week I teach spinning. Lucky for me, that the beliefs of the majority of my class are that of accepting friendship. For this reason, it is always a pleasure to enter the doors of this ‘look at my abs’ nation.

An assessment that I admit I make in jest of my own insecurity as I gaze over the stored fat fuel that is accumulation in what I have been becoming proud to label as my “One Pack.”

But still… even with the extra fuel, I boast that I can maintain quite a cadence on a bike. And now, just celebrating my fifty-first birthday, that is good enough for me.

So in my final analysis, the gym I work at is OK. Sure, there are those who are walled into their own shells. But on the whole, I’ve met some very well-adjusted people. And hat’s off to them for bettering their state of health. There is no sin in that.

Tanner is such a man. A loving father of five, a survivor of economic turn down and target of life’s judgments, he has learned to grab onto every moment for all it has to offer. Yet in his powerfully forward thinking there is an air of compassion. “Live life to the fullest… Be positive… Motivating and have a life that is structured. Know that the sky is the limit… you can do whatever you want to do… and accept that there is a divine spirit.”

We talk for a while about this point of “living life to the fullest.” For some may say, “Sound like a selfish claim, that is dismissive to the trials of others.” But in reading Tanner’s interpretation of the statement, we have to listen to the way he weaves it. “Live life to the fullest… Be positive… Motivating and have a life that is structured.”

Tanner speaks of being positive and motivating. If you were siting with us, you would fully understand what Tanner is feeling as he says this. Bottom line, Tanner is not absorbed in himself; he is doing what he can to live a life that can be an example to others. “Know that the sky is the limit… you can do whatever you want to do… and accept that there is a divine spirit.” He says. And, I promise you he means it. Not so much as a reminder to himself… but as an understanding outreach to us, his neighbors.

“Never let anyone tell you that you can’t do anything. Be strong. Always challenge yourself to get to the next level.” He inspires.

Tanner is a listener, so I have to push his thinking a little in asking, “’What would you say to the person who is having hard times finding the first step… Who might be saying, ‘It’s easy for them to say it, but they don’t know what my life is like.’”

He responds without holding back. “Stop placing blame. Don’t blame others… you can’t blame society… and you can’t blame the government… You have to look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you have control over your situation. As soon as you take self-responsibility… you enable yourself… you can’t blame others.”

I press again. “What about all those out there that are in situations that are truly beyond their control; genocides and other atrocities? Where people are trying, yet the world around them is conspiring in against them. Is there any advice you can give them?”

Again he charges self-reliance. “Number one is you have to be motivated. No one told us life is going to be easy. What makes us master life is how we deal with difficult times.

I’ll admit, I grew up where I never had a want and a need, but as I became an adult and I saw and experienced struggle, and I feel strongly deep inside that we can conquer any struggle that is put in front of us.

As far as what is going on in the world… that is going to happen. It has been going on since the beginning of time. We have to look at the situation, and as hard as it is to do, look at it in a positive aspect.

I’ve traveled the world, and the media has taught that in certain places of the world I would be killed. But when I went to those places no one harmed me. Yea, they were poor, but there was food in the trees, there was a lake full of fish… These were hard-working and happy people… and I did not see anyone hungry.

So we have to educate ourselves and not believe what the media teaches us.

We all go through hard times, but we have to learn from them and just keep pushing forward.”

This point has been driven home so many different ways in 365: The teenager who was shot two times as a child in an act of Anti-Semitism. His outlook of forgiveness and strength is awe-inspiring. The Croatian man, who during the years of genocide, walked his family his family hundreds of mile to safety; who with a smile of compassion on his face, holds only gratitude for his looking at the positive choices of his situation. The x-gangster, whom admits that at one time had no remorse in any way and of a terrible childhood. A man who has turned his life to God and walks the streets in serving his fellow-man is whatever capacity he can.

The list goes on and on, but in all, the message is clear. Man has the ability to overcome anything and to love with the purest of intent.

Tanner calls it will power, destiny and the results of working hard.

“What’s funny, is I think the world is getting better…” Tanner pauses, “…I think we are eating better, we are more cautious of the fuel that we burn… we are more cautious not to leave our lights on… we are conserving water… buying power efficient cars and items for our homes.

I think we are heading on the right path. The Internet is here to educate us… people are reading more books… We are now more conscious of about what’s around us.

We are heading in the right direction… and we are using our words. People are actually speaking out now and educating each other.

I don’t think we are heading into destruction what-so-ever.”

In many ways we have all been singing the same tune. Some in animated optimism, others in reserved fear. What is inspiring is this; that in all, the sum vision is of living with ownership of a united hope regarding the years ahead. And a unanimous dream that we can come closer together as a people.

I call us “The Silent Majority.”

We are all seeking the same truth after all; a truth that can be cannot be fully defined by many a religion, government or culture. A truth however that is already at the core of who we are as species human.

Tanner talks of his parenting, “’I tell my kids, ‘You are in control of your own destiny. Don’t look for any man, or any woman, to lift your spirit… to tell you that you’re great, or you’re good. You look in the mirror and lift your own spirit; number one. And never let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. You can do whatever you want to do.’”

My hope in what we chose to do is palpable? That we learn to love our neighbor as ourselves, “The Golden Rule” that has so often come up in our 365 conversations.

Tanner concludes in exposing his daily affirmation. “Every morning when I get up I say this little speech: I’m Alive… I’m Alert… And I Feel Great…

I say it loud and alive.

As a society, I think we need to stay away from the media and look toward one another. To not get hooked on Facebook or Twitter… walking around like a zombies.

Appreciate the birds and the world around us.

And Find things that lift our spirit.

I think in this world it is easy to blame someone… or yourself. In my career I’m always hearing people complaining. They complain first… over small itty-bitty things.

If we blame others, or ourselves, we can’t get past core issues. Our society needs to stop blaming, and to take personal responsibility for our actions. Even if we have done something extremely wild when we were kids… We have to accept that’s in the past… and just go on. But a lot of people live in the past.”

One word comes to mind in reviewing my time spent with Tanner. Sure, he is a motivator; and absolutely, he is successful by the world’s standards. But in talking between the lines, and hearing of what he reveals to me about his life history, Tanner screams one powerful word in all that he says… Empathy.

I will not sugar coat reality. Absolutely, the world is filled with the greatest of wonders and the most disheartening of actions. But in all, several questions bear strong in navigating us to greener pastures.

In cracking our eyes at each dawn might we ponder. “What have I overcome? What am I thankful for? And how do I apply my life history to helping, or at least opening a door to a better understanding of my fellow human?”

From there, quite possibly, we can as Tanner suggests, “Live Life To The Fullest.”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 300: “Shall None Of Us Fall Asleep”

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You know what. I’ve been a little wordy the last couple of days. And with the depth of what is shared with us today from our new friends Caitlin and Farra, I rescue you from a Radstone dissertation.

There is only one point I will soapbox today. My broken record statement, say hello.

Not hard to do and for in it rests the catalyst to running into two remarkably focused young ladies. Both of whom are living examples of the goodness that can be found in the world.

Caitlin remarks, “I think we need to love others and be more selfless.” And as she does there is a certain glow in her eyes, a glow that is mirrored by friend Farra who reveals the source of there compassionate presence. “To love Jesus… That is the ultimate… If you know that… if you know your creator… if you know that you have been forgiven of your sins. You will understand what the ultimate goal is.

Life is hard. We are going to struggle in our faults… We are going to struggle with selfishness… But we can definitely overcome if we have that relationship. We can be transformed… it starts in the heart.

And humanity has a heart.”

We’ve met will just about every faith over the history of 365. And what warms my heart is that in all the religions one bold commonality shines through: Love thy neighbor and respect God.

Farra elaborates, “At the end of the day it is relationships, it doesn’t matter how much money, its how many people did you touch… did you leave a legacy, did you stand for something and what was that?

It’s your integrity and your character. That is what is comes down to. But people get caught up in the media and to society, and they need to live out what they see on the TV. That becomes what they believe… it becomes what they worship… it becomes their idol… it becomes their God. They fall into the system.”

Caitlin picks up the conversation, “I think we all need to wake up. I think everybody is walking around sleeping.” She references as she speaks of her relationship with Jesus.

“We are not prepared, that is the biggest problem. We are very content accepting mediocrity; I’ve seen it. Society is spoon-fed and that’s not going to be me.

We need believe and we need to take steps to educate ourselves; to not just be content in leaving it to the world to direct us.

Maybe not the sweetest words, but truth that needs to be heard.

We need to accept that there is a bigger picture.”

“We are so caught up in the instant gratification of the world…” Farra chimes in,

“’…None of us want to hurt or sacrifice. We don’t want to do that whatsoever.

They say, ‘I don’t want to be hurt, I don’t want to sacrifice, I don’t want to be sad. I want to be content and happy at all times.’ Whatever it is to have that, even if it is just for that moment.

To go into the future, we really have to do more than to look at where we are now, but to understand the situation, to understand the past, to understand what we are talking about. I always think of the movie ‘A Few Good Men,’ where he said, ‘You can’t handle the truth.’ That is like the world today, If people really knew the truth… Oh my goodness! It would blow our minds!

We don’t realize the potential in the things we do, and understand our full potential. This life is not about everything being perfect. Our time on this Earth is a time to learn. It’s a journey and it’s not easy. But, when you have people that really love each other… that support each other… that are there encouraging… that are able to say that we already know where we are going. We get caught up in the here and in the now. Like Caitlin said, ‘Society is spoon-fed.’

Too many people don’t really want to know for themselves, they don’t want to dig deep enough. They just want to go off of what they see or what they think is the right thing to do. Why do you think there is so much ugly in the world? People are not happy. How many people are truly happy… happiness comes from within… that peace and joy that comes from knowing Christ.

All the violence, and drugs, and hatred, and the road rage that goes on; the anger… people just being disrespectful.

Why is it so hard for people to just be able to speak now, to open the door for each other anymore? It about simplicity. It’s not like we have to do something major… it’s just the little things. Back to the simplicity.

It goes back to, what are we standing for morally.

There are boundaries in everything. It’s not someone saying, ‘No you can’t have that.’ It’s about saving us from ourselves. Keeping us off the wrong side of the tracks from in telling ourselves, ‘I want this for this fifteen minutes of fun. Whatever is may be… so be it.’

That mentality is so weak.

Why not reach for the top in choosing a life consistency. Some form of where life is just decent and good, and people are loving each other. At the end of the day, that’s what it’s about.

For the future I agree with Caitlin, ‘People just need to wake up.’”

Caitlin, Farra, I accept you wisdom and as a matter of action, I set my alarm clock immediately.

Shall none of us fall asleep.

Talk tomorrow my friends.

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 299: “Be A Little Bit Nicer”

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Last night I barely slept, constantly being awakened by post Fourth of July explosions. Explosions that even prior to tonight have been detonated frequently over the last week.

No… they are not playful firecrackers, they explode with window shaking thunder at the earliest hours of the morning… very disruptive, obviously illegal and incredibly disrespectful the entire community.

For four days, I’ve scanned the streets, searching for the people behind these ear-ringing detonations. And to that cause, I have charged myself to a war of wits in strategizing further methods of tactics, should they again re-deploy tonight or next year.

The reality is that Forth of July is a day of celebration, Not a day of aggressive partying. It’s a hallowed date that commemorates the battles fought and lives lost to free a Nation from an oppressive government. A government that taxed without representation, a government that viewed its held people as commodities and resources and a government that pushed a brave nation to its very brink in exploiting it resources.

Sure we shoot fireworks. But for more than entertainment, for they are a symbol of battles won and lives lost in creating a land where freedom and liberty is possible to all whom seek it.

A day that I too, until writing this entry, have not fully embraced. That saddens me a little, pointing a finger at me as I realize that far too many of us have come to lose focus on the true symbolism of this day, Not the Fourth of July… But Independence Day.

And to my neighborhood terrorizing friends, knock it off…! Think about it!

Readers… know that I have no malice in my above rant. It’s mostly induced from the side effects of multiple nights of sleep deprivation. But in it is a through-line that we must extract.

My wife sums it up nicely in a discussion we have. She tells me of an article in which she read… the findings of a street survey. A survey that asked the question of was the declaration of independence necessary and does it no longer apply. In my mind, a slap in the face to every person who lives in the United States, and to the brave men and women who have given life and limb to preserve the rights that far too many take for granted.

Now I have to mention that I’m a Brit. Been living in America for all of my life. So when I think of the 4th, I look at both sides of the coin. And in doing so must silence a moment of respect for all (Both Brit and Colonist) who died in the succession of America from the British Monarchy. It was a tragic time, where because of the greed of the few, great multitudes of humankind suffered. We see it in the world today; too much global conflict to count, all of which is spired forward by a limitless count of hidden agendas. So looking back to the simplest of reason for the war of 1776, the cause is just, simply freedom from oppression; a fight that allowed man, woman and child the right to live as they see fit, and to be respected for who they are.

In a way we are not that different now, political suppressions are still abound, hidden agendas of the wealthy are as rampant as ever and the reactions of the uneducated is never lacking.

But for this July tribute all that I ask is that you consider one thought in you everyday actions, are you respecting you neighbor, and living with grace in counting your blessings?

I know, another, soapbox start to a blog entry. I’m do apologize; sometimes I just can’t help it. Guess that’s what makes me so lovable.

Sure, I gush a little, part of my character, but today I’m feeling especially wordy, after meeting todays stranger turned friend, single mother, working professional and ambassador of thinking justly, Amy.

She begins with a set of humble life guides, “Take life slow. Listen to people who you think are wise. Learn as much as you can and always pay attention.”

If there is one thing I have learned in 365; that is to listen. And as Amy recommends, “To listen to people who we thinks are wise.” That is a key point, and from what I am learning, wisdom does not always come though a diploma, via a six-digit bank statement or as a result of public visibility.

Wisdom is hard-earned and subtle. It is an expression of experiences had. Of successes won, and more poignantly battles lost.

It is a byproduct of life past, and is driven by our sheer tenacity to absorb. Again, as so simply outlined by Amy, “Always pay attention.”

Amy is honest, forthright and concerned for the world our children will inherit.

“As far as the planet…” she introduces, “…I’m from Texas, and I think as far as globally and keeping the earth green and everything, I’m all for that.

But, sometimes I wonder if what we are actually doing is fruitful, or if we are just making more people money.

People are always talking about… recycling, recycling. And being here in California, my son goes to a school where people are preaching a lot about it. But I’ve noticed that people don’t always practice what they preach.

The last election I remember a woman who went on and on about what she was going to do about the planet, and then I went over to her house. She had a pool, she had the hose water going and it was on a slide. The water was spewing everywhere. She didn’t recycle in her home, and stuff like that. It saddened me to recognize that she did not practice what she preached to everybody. The hypocrisy of it infuriated me, and that is what I see everywhere.

I wish that people would practice what they preach, and I hate to say that I don’t see that enough.

I wish that in the future, people would do that more. But I don’t see it happening as much as it needs to. I just see things getting worse. People are not teaching their children. They leave their kids with nannies… they go out partying and play… they are not raising their children… they are not instilling morals in their kids.

I see kids cussing at age two or three or four years old. They are not learning any good values… and it scares me.”

I have a daughter and it scares me too. But in speaking with Amy, it is apparent that she is not digging her head into the sand in turning away from her positive outlook regarding the power of the individual, something that she is doing her best to instill into her son. And, in a vicarious way, Amy instills in us, as we read of her accounts and the observations she has noted, the same activation in guiding our children.

Regarding the media and social respect, “’My son started out on Cary Grant and Fred Astaire movies. He says ‘yes mam’ and ‘no mam…’ He’s polite and respectful. But here in California, teachers tell him to not call them sir. One teacher even rebuked my son, saying, ‘Don’t ever call me sir… you are not in military school… it sets you apart from other children.’”

That one gets my goat. I see it myself in the attitudes of the kid my daughter plays with. And you know what… the kids with the greatest esteem are the ones who call me Mr. Radstone. What’s that telling us?

Amy elaborated on the account, “I was also told to tell him not to do that… I completely disagreed. The next year he opened a door for a female teacher. And that teacher was completely offended that he called her mam. She said that she was not an old lady, and that she did not need to be called mam. And, I think that one time she stepped up onto a stool to get a book. My son offered to help her so she did not need to use the stool. She contacted me to tell me that I was raising my son to be a male chauvinist pig. He told me he was just trying to a gentleman.”

Amy worries, “’Life is changing and I don’t think it is in a positive direction.

Those are the kind of things that I see daily. I’m just thinking of the future of my child. We are parents.

I really hope that if one person does something good… if my son opens a door for somebody, that somebody says, ‘Oh that was nice, somebody has not opened the door for me in a long time.’

Then maybe a husband will start opening a door for other people. Or somebody will treat a waiter nicely as they refill a water-glass, saying ‘thank you.’

It endless, there are all these thankless jobs out there and nobody appreciates the people who are doing these jobs. People are driving around and honking at people who are working outside in 110-degree heat. And, all they are thinking about is ‘I’ve got to get to work.’”

I flash back to the bombs that have been blasting for the last several days, and doing the best I can to remain humble as I work out my issues within a sleepy brain. I look at it from both sides and have come to a conclusion.

It is not mine to judge, or to condemn, my nearby friends. Nor is it under my power to dictate their decision in the toys they choose to play with. They are accountable for their own agency, and the resulting outcome of their daily actions. And it is, without guile, I do desire my unknown neighbor to experience some sort of accountability or a just penalty for their actions.

But greater than that is the sadness that has fallen upon me in reflection on them. That sadness can only be defined as yet another account of dishonor, and a negative ratification of the influence we all have on the world around us.

Yes, I accept that my family has been on the receiving end of this disrespect. I do not take it lightly and will still do what I must to discover the origins of the house of disturbing explosions. That is the responsibility of my calling as a father and provider.

Just like that of the greater battles that led to the freedoms that we are acknowledging every year on the Fourth of July, and although not armed with physical weapon, I am still required to bear emotional arms. The battle is a battle of respect. Respect that Amy fears is disappearing from society.

Respect that is not earned though murders of character, violence or useless confrontation, but a respect that goes to the core of who we are: People who deservingly desire to be treated fairly.

To my friends lighting the fuses, I promise we will meet one day. And perhaps once we do, you will understand that the choices you are making influence a greater community. We are with you in wanting you to have fun on the 4th. Blow up as much as you like… Just keep it on the 4th only, and between the hours of 8:00pm and 10:00pm. And please, be safe my illusive friends, by the sound of it, your handling very large charges.

To conclude, I share a wish of Amy’s. Simply, she asks us all one basic respect, “Just be a little bit nicer.

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 298: Divina’s Call, “We’re All Alive”

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“We don’t know what everyone else is dealing with. It just seems that so few people think of that.

We’re all alive. It’s crazy… people are so rude and inconsiderate of other people. It makes me crazy… I don’t understand.

Whatever you’re dealing with, you don’t have to project it on everybody else… it’s crazy.

Treat people the way you want to be treated. It’s like my number one thing. It really makes my life easy and simple. I don’t have any enemies, or hate, or resentment. It’s really good.”

Says Divina of life, and in her advice “The Golden Rule” strikes again, “Treat people the way you want to be treated.”

The Golden Rule… You’ve heard me report of it many a time. And for the sake of positioning my comments today, know that it is by choice that I use the word report. For whenever I write of the The Golden Rule premise, it is through the voice of those who uniquely share their perspectives on its adaptation. The intent being, to footnote its relevance in enlightening us to the knowledge that every day of our lives, there are probably more people than we realize questing the same compassionate respect: To be treated with dignity, kindness and acceptance.

I’m blown away that we are this far into 365. The time has flown by and in two days we will officially hit the three hundred day mark. We really are in the final countdown of its mission of getting us to put our feet in the shoes of others. And doing so without fear, void of comparison and with a loving outlook.

“We’re all alive,” Davina’s heartfelt observation of society as she dreams of a kinder world…

Funny thing… As I write, an exercise is coming into my mind. I don’t know why, but for some overpowering reason, Davina’s statement has caused my subconscious to tell me to lift my hands from the keyboard and to sit back in my chair… To take rest in relaxing my mind for a few minutes… To close my eyes in letting go of my control… To take a few breaths in feeling the air… And to try to recall as many faces as I can of the people I have associated with over the last week or so. Visualizing the humanity in all… regardless of the experience. And lastly, to ground the meditation with Divina’s call, “We’re all alive.”

For the sake of unity, I ask you to join me in the experiment. Here we go, I’ll be right back (Setting my timer for three minutes)…

And Readers if you are joining me… Don’t read on until after your meditation.

… I return… That was interesting. I entered my meditation with high expectations, and it was very revealing. In closing my eyes I prepped my mind with Davina’s words, “We’re all alive.”

I took my breaths, shut of my mind, and at first, all that I felt was the need to go to sleep. Really more like a peaceful blankness was in my head. So I started to force my mind, focusing on specific situations of the many people who I interacted with over the last week As I did, I got distracted by a conversation between my daughter and wife that echoed in the background of my home. I again forced my mind to refocus, and entered the same mind blank state of peaceful relaxation. The faces blurred into a great noise and amidst it only a few came to focus. One: A client, who with stress in his eyes, unloaded on me about an issue with a location. At first I took it as an attack, but later realized he was trusting me with his feelings. Two: A friend of mine who on Thursday was so distant that it seemed as if I had offended him. Today I found out it was the day he lost his job. Three: Another semi close friend who I have avoided in fear of enmeshment, who only hours ago uplifted me with one of the most caring phone conversations I have had in a long time. The faces began to un-blur when the timer alarm sounded.

Now I sit here rather exposed. An exposure that has left me a little ashamed and life checked. Now I’m not trying to make myself out as heartless, but three minutes of meditation awakened me a bit. An awakening, that although has been progressing throughout the last hundreds of 365 days, is unexpectedly double-checked by Davina’s advice.

Here is my assessment, too many times have I taken first impression personally. In all three faces that focused into mind, all were reaching to me and I did not see it at that time.

Very humbling to admit, of all the experiences I encountered… many of the most bonding ones, where in reality, the ones that I wanted to escape from.

What’s this teaching me, or us? I’m extremely curious to know how the exercise affected you? If you did it? PLEASE COMMENT AND LET US ALL KNOW. The sum whole of the experiment could be a great teacher to us all.

Divina has felt at times this world to be rude and inconsiderate. And although difficult to understand, perhaps it is really a world of equally fearful and quite possibly pained people.

People who sadly have tendency to divide themselves in reaction to outwardly perception or inward insecurities, rather than to take pause to breathe in examining the full measure of any given interaction.

And do we, in the word of Divina, Project what we are dealing with on everybody else?

Probably so… And, in a way, that’s not always the healthiest thing, considering that the opposite stance of keeping it in would be as equally unhealthy. Just look at the statistics of chronic hypertension in modern society.

Thus, here is the lesson learned, as least for me. “It is up to the listener to direct the action or resolve, not the other way around.”

My meditation reveals this to me. I did not seek to review the above-mentioned situations. I even tried to steer my mind in another more pleasant direction. But that is where it went as I let go of controlling it.

“It’s crazy!” Divina exclaims with an engaged acceptance.

Maybe, maybe not… Or is it what makes us all unique, powerful and equally vulnerable: Basically… HUMAN.

I’ll vote for human.

“I don’t have any enemies, or hate, or resentment,” Davina expands.

In my world, not saying that I am out to make enemies, or to hate, or to harbor resentment. But after only three minutes of closed eyed reflection, I realize that I have three much closer relationships that I previously did not understand.

Divina is a wise soul. I ask her about the future. She responds previewed by a long sigh. “I worry about our future… honestly… It feels like we are at battle with our planet… our home… It’s crazy.

I think it’s like evolution, all these technological advancements… I wonder… And I hope it really is an evolution.

I’m kind of like old-fashioned, I guess… Kind of like and old spirit a little… I’m like an old person…” She chuckles, “…People are like doing all these gadgets and stuff. It just seems very impersonal.”

We’ve spoken often of the impersonal nature of the new world of virtual communication. A very real issue with modern society and one not to be brushed under the carpet.

But what is striking hard at the core today is how do we react with each other in the real face-to-face world. Not like in the virtual sphere, where with the click of a mouse, or through the touch of a screen, we can easily disengage. But in the trenches of the difficult life moments of this existence we call living.

Divina, you are powerfully on target!

We are “ALL ALIVE.”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 297: “His Epitaph – He Was A Good Guy!”

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“My advice to the world is for people to just to be real, don’t be fake about what you do in life… but have a mission…! Just be the best person that you can be…! Don’t try to imitate anybody! There’s no time for that!”

And real is just what Andy is. The instant I meet him the energy is on, and there is no pretense about this new friend of ours. But exactly how do I meet Andy?

Well in reality, Andy sort of meets me upon contracting the company he works for to service our aging air conditioning unit.

In a world of shame artists and door-to-door cons, Andy stands out from the crowd as true, upright in energetic in his approach. I won’t say that the service was cheap, quite the opposite. And, even though we had to dig deep into our pocket for the repairs needed (due to a not so scrupulous contractor who originally installed our ducting), there is no other way to view Andy than that of a hard-working man who is doing his best to make an honest living.

Plus, as a self-employed professional myself, I have a soft spot for any person fighting to support themselves in this economy. Not that I am looking to be scammed, but to pay a premium for work that is prompt and of quality, I’ll always lean to do my part in supporting the living of another human.

In a strange and immeasurable way, I have always been blessed by following “the what goes around comes around” theory. So why change now, when things are tough? Perhaps that’s the best time to put the theory to the greatest test. We’ll know for certain when recession ends… I guess.

Andy speaks of his needs, “If you just have enough money to live under a little roof, and have a decent job, to be able to support your family… that’s good enough. Don’t ever let money be a problem to live a happy life.”

In a world plagued with comparisons, envies and segregation, Andy has managed to find stable ground, “I know a lot of people… I’ve been around doctors… I’ve been around politicians… I’ve been around congressmen… I’ve been around dope dealers… I’ve been around gang bangers… I’ve been around missionaries… I’ve been around priests… I’ve been around ministers… I’ve been around professors, Stanford University… I’ve been around the people who make the pills and the drugs for the whole country… Even children… I’ve been around everybody… But I think that we as human beings have to learn… and know…! that we’ve just got to be better people… There is nothing else that I can say… We’ve just got to learn how to be better people. To just go forward… you know… in life. We can do nothing about it… Don’t look back… Don’t look to the side. I mean I could leave right now and maybe a bridge will fall down when I’m on the freeway, waiting!”

Andy has the enthusiasm of an over caffeinated sports fan, yet in his powerful confidence there lays a peaceful subtext. He verbalizes his ethic. “Love is a very special word, that a lot of people know what the definition is, but it’s not engrafted, engraved or crafted into their lives. I think that if all mankind could really know and practice what love really is, this would be a Different City…! County…! State…! And even a Nation!”

Wow! at first impression, Andy is a man’s man. Confident, extroverted, strong of opinion and ready to take the lead in any conversation, the kind of guy that many would call intimidating or aggressive. But as you get to know him, you can see a spark of life in his eyes. A light, that as we chat, Andy comfortably and enthusiastically reveals… he speaks of the greatest motivator, Love.

People are amazing, And to be sitting in my office, unexpectedly having another one of those life changing conversations with an absolute stranger (well vendor) now turned friend; discussing the meaning of love is a very remarkable experience in deed, another confirmer that none of us know what is in the heads of another until we take the time to inquire or at least acknowledge the other.

I ask Andy about the future.

“A lot of people are asked that question… ‘What’s to come…?’” he begins, “…It’s unfortunate that we as human being, you and I, and this beautiful woman that sits in this room with us, which is your precious wife (my wife is on the other side of the room, listening in as she works on a rushed design project), I think that we are fortunate that we can have life. Think about that…!

…Because I have a lot of friends that didn’t have that opportunity… They got stabbed to death… they got shot to death… they’re in prison for the rest of their lives… some of them have gotten killed in prison… you name it.

But we’re fortunate that we have that opportunity to think about the future. And I don’t only think about the future, but I KNOW! that our future is in the creator’s hands. There is no doubt about it… It’s not a Martian… It’s not a UFO… It’s not what Russia thinks about the future… It’s not what the USA thinks about the future… It’s not what man thinks about the future!

The only future that we have, is a divine future… A future that comes from God, the creator of all mankind… That’s where our future stands.”

Turns out that Andy is a man of great faith, and from the case studies that he puts forth, I kind of get the feeling that he has earned his faith by painful trials of life. It is apparent that Andy is on the right side of the track in his life decisions. And to occupy space with him is to spend time with a man of great conviction. He emits the kind of empathy that makes one examine their place on the planet and their outlooks on the world around them. And although seemingly brash and bold, Andy is a man of impactful humility. The kind of man you want next to you in battle. The kind of guy that you want to say, “Watch my back!” Even with the $750 budget hit for vacuuming, duct tape, zip ties and re-routing. Something that I happily accept, after all… a man has to make a living.

Andy reflects on his personal future and encourages us with a popular phrase from the seventies. “Now that we have life in our hands… we just got to keep on trucking…” he smiles.

“How?” You might ask.

Andy answers, “Just love one another.”

“What about you Andy, where do you want to be in the future?” I ask.

“I just got to be a better person.” Like I said, beneath Andy’s shell of ceaseless momentum is a core of the most valuable commodity… Humility.

I ask one last question, “If that bridge does fall on you when you are stuck in traffic, and your time came to leave the planet, what would your epitaph read…?”

We laugh for a while, make a few jesting suggestions and finally settle on one.

Per Andy, “That maybe a lot of the people that I know, might say, ‘He was a good guy!”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 296: “If You Are Happy… You Can Also Make Others Happy”

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“Chin up and eyes open to the world,” something I say frequently to the many people whom I meet on the streets; and, words that I have not published for far too long. A philosophy that today brings me close to two new friends, husband and wife Suresh and Anita, who within only four blocks of my home I meet while on an end of day walk to pick up a bite to eat.

I run into them through an exchange of greetings as we share curb in waiting to cross an intersection.

Hailing from India, Suresh and Anita arrived to America only three short months ago, relocating for career reasons. It’s amazing how within such a short distance of my home, and inside of my own neighborhood, can be found the greatest diversity of all faiths, ethnicities and political points of view; people who, pulling from their endless set of life histories, all have a plethora of wisdom to impart.

Suresh and Anita are two such people, and in their being new to America, I feel it a privilege to be able to welcome them as community friends. Makes me wonder how often do we pass strangers, and inadvertently, due to schedules or fears, turn away from the opportunity to expand our social horizons. And at day 296 of my 365 social experiment, I’m understanding that these special moments happen more often than we acknowledge, and have first hand witnessed that if we take hold of them, the rewards are great in growing us closer to our fellow humans.

Even the shortest of conversations can be impactful in bringing not only change to our own hearts, but in being of positive influence to the outlooks of those we associate with.

Readers, I have to thank you for your support in staying with me on this one year challenge. You are a wonderful group who I hope have been able to look past my consistent rants and ravings, and are able to find there links to the council that so many have shared with us.

I openly admit, at times I feel a bit like a broken record. It’s just after speaking with close to one thousand strangers; the idea of a closer respect for one another is getting imbedded under my skin. So bear with me, or better yet, join me in saying your daily hellos to the world around you.

So here we are, Suresh, Anita and myself, standing on a street corner, backed by the soundscape of heavy commuter traffic. It is loud and deafening, but emitting from it are occasional bursts of rolled down applauds of encouragement given by several motorist who have been looking on as we shoot photos. Yet another testament to the fact that there really are people who are engaged with one another, and from this, we are further encouraged as we speak of community.

Over the hum of said passing motorists Suresh thumbnails his perspective on humanity, “Help each other… if we help each other the whole world gets better.”

I turn to Anita for her wisdom, without pause… “Follow your heart, don’t let others direct your path. Don’t listen to others who try to spoil your life… just follow your heart.

Don’t do stuff just because of what somebody else is saying. Listen to what you feel… and do that.

It is very important to be happy. Otherwise you are always sad because somebody else asked you to do something that you did not intend to do.

So choose to be happy… and if you are happy… you can also make others happy.”

Suresh and Anita, like I mentioned, have only been in America for three months. I’m sure a huge cultural shock in relocating from India. Yet there is a glow in their eyes that says, “We are at home.”

Perhaps it may be somewhat presumptuous of me, but I think I know the core reason for that tranquility. Suresh and Anita simply care about people. For in the way they accepted me with the warm gestures they express in first meeting me, I felt of their compassion for the world around them, a world that Suresh obviously cares greatly about.

“We are using a lot of resources…” he appeals, “…it’s better to say no, than to waste any resource. They are the things that are helping us to survive. We are in risk of finishing all our natural resources. We can’t keep using them all up.”

Anita listens intently to Suresh’s plea, and although agreeing with his observation, takes time to add her own commentary on modern society. “We are getting more and more into the Internet for communication and we are losing touch with people because of video games and stuff. And, the real life of playing on the ground, especially the kids, the future generation youngsters, is getting lost. They are more into the video games and the Internet than of actual activity. They are really not moving around… interacting with people. It concerns me that interaction is going down, at least with people who are urban.”

Makes me think about how we met. Not in a viral world, not through a social network, but face to face. Walking through urban nirvana in route to getting dinner. In a world of delivered food, drive through calories and every type of store-bought frozen delight, it is comforting to know that there are people who do slow down to smell the roses (metaphorically speaking). For in the eye of the city storm, there can be found calm. A calm that transcends the noise of the pavement and can settle the most rushed of modern minds… a calm that can only be described as an appreciation of fellow-man.

And today, a calm that I am happy to say is brought to me via the outstretched welcome of my new friends, Suresh and Anita.

Welcome to the neighborhood my friends; I’m sure we’ll run into each other again!

And Anita, your are right on the mark, “If you are happy… you can also make others happy.”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 295: “May It Be Amazing”

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It’s early Sunday morning and as expected, the sleeping in after Saturday night crowd has left the streets a bit thin of movement. And other than the coffee shop crowd and open houses of worship, people are sparse wherever I roam.

So I decide to drive the rural areas in getting out of my regular geography. And of course, the sleepier the community, the lessor the population circulates in the cool morning sun, sort of a sad finding, with such a perfect morning forming.

I cruise aimlessly, windows down, cool breeze slapping me in the face and mind open in watching the world blur by. When, in passing a small little park on the outskirts of Los Angeles County, a figure, about one hundred yards to the North of my forty mile an hour trajectory, forces me to rubber neck into a rather aggressive U-turn. Gosh! Sometimes I feel like such a stalker.

But as I absorb the g-force of my rapid course change all trepidation escapes me when a feeling of, “you are making the right choice,” enters my psyche.

I pull into the park and over the sound of welcoming dog barks, I introduce myself to Father, Husband, Human Resource Manager and Expert Downhill Mountain Bike Racer… Jim.

“You have to have fun and enjoy life… do things that you enjoy… no matter how old you are.” Jim proclaims.

“In everything that you have going on… you have to have fun.

Don’t worry about the things that are going on now, or about getting old, we have to enjoy where we are. Think about the things that we worried about five years ago, they are no big deal now. They were at the time, but you can say now that they were not that big of a deal. It took me a long time to learn that, and now I apply that to the way I react to things.

We have to learn to appreciate where we are, and to not stress about the little things in life.

In five years… hopefully the economy will be better… I don’t know. But I see a future where people are getting more aware with the challenges of pollution, issues with the earth… things like that, and hopefully that will carry on.

Looking further is tough… It’s hard to say. It seems like in the last twenty years much has changed with technology and stuff. It will be amazing the see where we will be in one hundred years… I don’t even know.

It’s going to change though. Think twenty year ago to now – cellphones, digital cameras and all the things we can’t live without. I don’t even know where to start with looking one hundred years ahead. It’s a tough question.

The question is, how much can change in one hundred years?

It’s not like we have the flying cars they said back in the sixties that we would have by the year two thousand. But, still it would be amazing to see where we will be with technology in one hundred years.

I have hope for my kids and their kids, we’ve learned a lot, and hopefully the economy will be better by then.

The advice I give my kids is to stay in school so they can rely on themselves to be professional in whatever field they choose. My daughter wants to be a doctor.”

Jim, I appreciate you openness to chat with a stranger this morning, and for your candor in the way you see the future. Many of us unite with you in calling in a better world to come. And we dream as do you, “May it be amazing.”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 294: “Food Truck Alley”

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“I like old stuff and new stuff. People say that I was born in the wrong era, but I have to nip that. I have an appreciation for antiquated things… Older things interest me…” Explains Squeezebox Sam as he generalizes his outlook on modern society.

“But I think that as far as society goes, as far as humanity goes, I feel like in the last one hundred… two hundred years… the human being as a creature has evolved socially and scientifically for the better. And I think I’m living in exactly the right period of time. I think I’m lucky to not have been put in 1890 or 1956 or something like that.”

Sam is a way cool gent, and with the companionship of his equally interesting fiancé, multi-media artist Nouar, I am not only entertained by their quirky style of street music but am enlightened by their charismatic blend of personality, intelligence, and spontaneous creativity.

It takes a special kind of person to open their world to unknown passer-byes. And at the prompt of my sister-in-law as we enjoy an outing at food truck alley, “Go talk to them!” I am captivated to grab sidewalk with my new artistic friends.

“Watch where you step.” The Squeezebox councils, “You’ve got to step carefully in your life. That applies to all kinds of things… from business to learning yourselves… leave a small footprint, that kind of thing. Watch where you step! You should always watch where you put your feet, both figuratively and in what you do. That’s my advice.”

Sam’s words so align with 365’s core purpose of getting us all to think more deeply about the question of putting our feet in the shoes of others. I tell Squeezebox about this premise.

“Ah yes!” he says, “Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird. One thing you’ve got to learn is to get in somebody else’s skin and walk around in it for a while. You’d get along with people a whole lot better.”

The Squeezebox is a very educated man with multiple degrees he teaches a variety of subjects from art to film to English.

“I’ve been focusing on teaching English for the last couple of years, there’s better job security in that subject,” he tells me.

I’m not even going to get started on that soapbox. I’ll just keep it short. Well maybe not…

A couple of months ago while driving home, I noticed well-working traffic signals being replaced. About eight miles of them, they were in perfect working order. And, I would probably be bewildered to know exactly how much the expense of this senseless upgrade was to we the taxpayers. I’m sure it was a bunch of cash.

As I was stopped, yep, at one of the not yet replaced, well-working traffic signals, I looked to the left at a deteriorating elementary school. My heart sank a little as I thought about the school. Not just for the improvement (No! No! No!… I catch myself as I am writing this account), the maintenance funds it needs. Even more troublesome is the serious educational cutbacks of staff and curriculum that are rapidly becoming epidemic in many a school system.

From losing teachers to eliminating art and other similar courses that stimulate independent thinking our countries school system is becoming rapidly flawed. This added to classes that are overpopulated with good teachers being pressed to their breaking point in doing whatever they can to provide quality education. Added to this their hands are tied by an overwhelming number of political controls, organizational macro-management, and lack of financial incentives.

So to see an upgrade to a working traffic system, at the taxpayer’s expense, just kills me. I know the issues of governmental economic problems are overwhelming, and I am not speaking with my head in the clouds of wholly emotional outburst.

But I cannot for the life of me understand why one of the most important contributors to bettering the future, that being education, continues to take the financial back seat in many cases. I’m telling you, I’d be quite happy with the same old stoplights, knowing that money was pointed towards teaching our kids.

Alright, I’ll calm down… and Squeezebox, I appreciate you giving me the floor for a moment of vent. Thank you for your commitment to teaching our kids. Hope you can keep some of the arts alive in how you approach your English teaching.

Nouar shares a few words of advice. “Be careful on whose toes you step on today, because they may be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.”

Squeezebox bursts out a supportive chuckle, “It’s poetic!”

I think about Nouar’s call, and with a smile, realize how appropriate it is, even modifying it. “The reverse works too,” I reveal.

We exchange smiles and move on.

Nouar speaks of her concerns for the future. “We need to recycle and take care of what we have already… conservation and reusing in general.” Pointing to her cup, “Like this cup… I think, ‘What I can use it for?’ Always try to look at things in your surroundings in how you can reuse them.  I’m an artist, so I guess I always look at things a little differently. ‘What can I do with this or that sort of thing?’”

Sam again smiles enthusiastically at his lady. And with the same energy Nouar passes the baton back to him for his comments on what’s ahead.

“My advice for the world?” The Squeezebox reflects. “As a teacher, I hope that humanity doesn’t stagger in its upward swing. I hope it keeps moving up… they don’t lag… they don’t stall off… they don’t get caught up in the now, instead of looking at the future.

“Yes… I think I’m going to hope for that. That people will do their part to make the world a better place for human beings in general.”

Readers, thank you for joining us this evening for our musical jaunt down food truck alley; Friday night home of fine food, entertainment, and for those who open their arms, meaningful conversation. Conversation that, with hope and humor, Squeezebox and Nouar have so gracefully entrusted to us. Their words are our feast this evening.

And even with so many eating options around tonight, after speaking with Squeezebox and Nouar, I consider myself nourished.

Well, let’s say “socially fed”… I still have to find my culinary treat!

Talk tomorrow my friends!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 292: “What If We Pay More Attention?”

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I’ll not lie… from the beginning of 365 I promised you that I would do the best to describe my feelings in one way or the other. And I have to confess that I am feeling some extreme fatigue as I drive, stuck on a traffic jammed highway 101 in route to a production meeting later this afternoon.

And even though 365 has grown my outlook towards the people around me, as well as the love I have for those I don’t know in appreciating our differences, I have to say that today with three-hundred days of writing, interviewing, photo-imaging, less the six days I have dedicated to challenges, I am feeling a lot of stress. Stress brought on from the cumulative two to seven hour I’ve spent daily since the inception of 365 way back in September.

But even with this stress, it is impossible for me to not acknowledge the personal growth that I have gained, as well as the closeness I feel, in a bizarre vicarious way, to you my readers.

Feeling that I am experiencing in an overwhelming way as I commute. And thanks to that fun little dictation add that I have on my iPad, feelings that I am able to record as I navigate the traffic that I am captured in.

I have not yet meet my stranger turned friend for the day yet, and I have no idea what was in store for me. It’s 11:18am and my meeting is at 2:00pm, giving me two-hours to socialize with the world. We’ll see what happens.

In the avoidance of another traffic citation, probably best to shut down this driving dictation right now. I pick it back up in a few hours…

… OK, I’ve arrived… Picking it up at the Pacific Design Center (PDC), site of my meeting – now only sixty minutes away. I sit in the lobby, and as per 365 custom dictates, and despite of my earlier mentioned fatigue, I smile and nod at all who pass by.

As expected, most gesture back with a questioning curiosity, “Who is this guy? What does he want with me?”

No harm, no foul taken. After all, I am an absolute stranger and to be skeptical of the darkly dressed dude sitting in the center of a very open space is quite an acceptable human reaction. So no judgment cast, we are all busy, and have our own personal set of experience. It is quite natural to be guarded to those we don’t know, one has to assume.

But one thing strikes me funny… I think of the isolated drive in the packed traffic that got me here, and comparing it to the scarcity of those I find myself cohabitating with, in the air-conditioned bliss of the wide public areas of the PDC I am forced to contemplate. And in this contemplation, I calculate one common denominator: The invisible wall that we all too often place between ourselves and the world around us, while in automobile or on foot it matters not. What is of resonance is the lesson learned in the observation, “At too many time we are a divided people.”

I do an experiment in going to the door to open it for others. Most are grateful of the gesture, and even then, there are a few people who scurry by frightened by my outreach. I can’t fully figure it out.

Makes me question, “What if we all just trust a little more. Not saying that we have to completely drop our walls. There is good reason for them at many a time. Still though… I just ask that we be a little more aware of each other.

Here I am at the PDC, clock ticking down to meeting time, most people avoiding me, when I meet Levi.

“Make what you love… It is the best thing you can do for yourself,” He councils.

“I think I can only speak for myself…” Levi say, “… My agenda is me first… which is probably quite similar to the rest of the human race.”

Don’t judge, until you hear Levi’s reasoning.

Levi speaks of me first, but the more you get to know him, you quickly understand Levi is not caught up in egotism and self-absorption.

“I just feel like if I curate my life, and the people that I love, in the manner that I desire, my world is going to be a lot better and more enjoyable. But it is really important that in all the things that I do, that they are also good for other people. You know… we can only make a little change by ourselves. But, at least for the immediate influence for those around us, it can make somewhat of a difference.

It’s like if people make smart cars. Only one person is going to own that car, so by buying it, they are really helping themselves by owning the car and are not hurting the rest of the people around them.

I’m a super on the fence, type of deal, I don’t think there’s too many people that actually make an effort to teach things where a lot of other people learn, but it is a lead by example type deal for me. Where if people start paying attention they might learn something.

Levi, thanks for the neighborly chat my friend, hope to run into you again!

And thanks for your example… “What if people start paying more attention?”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 289: “All Men Should Go Bald”

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“All men should go bald… too many men fear what they don’t know. They will sit there… looking at themselves, doing their comb overs, trying to save their youth. But if at a younger age, they just stepped back, sheered it all off, and look at their heads that way, it would kind of get rid of their fear. And once we get rid of the fear, we can live an easier life.”

Ron and I unite in an affirmation to the sun blessed craniums of the world. Bald heads of the earth unite, and accept the skulls that we can now so confidently display. We are one, and our scalps are yours to appreciate.

Ron is a cool guy… unassuming, well-adjusted and extroverted. I feel fortunate to run into him this evening as we attend a backyard Italian dinner party thrown by a common friend of ours. It’s very refreshing, that in a yard full of people who walk in my usual circles, I find time to dine with a new acquaintance. A man who I am very proud to call friend. And to all of my friends who are reading this entry, “I still love you.”

But there is more meaning in Ron’s hair reference than meets the eye, for in it, is a statement much more powerful than vanity.

I look at is as a parable, the hair standing as the opinions of man, and the skin of the scalp being a symbol representing thy neighbor.

Defined further, once we shed our shroud of opinion (our hair), and look upon the people around us as simply other people. People who most likely have similar fears (replace loss of hair, to fear of fellow-man, judgment or whatever), we are more alike than we accept.

Ron grows his parable, “After you’ve tried shaving your head, it’s just a matter of being nice to each other. Don’t look at people as if they are doing something evil. Realize that they are doing something that is hopefully for the betterment of themselves or their families… Give them the chance.

Walk around in their shoes, I guess… And as long as there is a little bit more understanding out there… the world can be a better place.

And if I had any word to tell the people it would be to try to make the world a better place. It could be a really small thing. The small steps can make a big difference if we all do it.

I don’t understand how people can see the one side as being evil, when really they are just trying to live the way the believe.

It’s gonna get worse before it gets better. We are leaning towards kind of a breaking point. People are so diverse in their thoughts. Whether they are to the left or to the right… and that gap in the middle, which I have always rested comfortably on. It is becoming intolerant. There isn’t much to stand on because people are really feeling one way or the other.

The short-term is going to be rough. But I think sometimes it has to get really bad so you can rebuild.”

Ron, we hear you, and in the tone of solidarity, “Lets all grab our shavers and let the scalp shine…” That is metaphorically of course.

Let us fear not… Reaching out is easier than we think. Like Ron suggests, “It could be a really small thing. The small steps can make a big difference if we all do it.”

Oh man! I can’t believe it! I’m going to use the much over used Nike slogan (Hey Nike, can you throw 365 a little sponsorship money, we want to take it places).

Here we go and please forgive me, but it somehow works to support Ron’s advice.

Reach-Out…

… Just do it!

Have a great week my friend!

STILL OPEN
HOME-TO-HOME REACH-OUT: PLEASE SUBMIT (Deadline Extended to June 27)

The Home-To-Home Reach-Out is still open, Please submit your snap shots. We are up to eighteen pictures in so far. I’d love to have at least thirty pictures to publish. Your photos can truly help us to tell our story. So wherever you are… you need to know that you matter. And your courage in sharing with us a photo of the community in which you live is truly be a powerful tool in bringing us all closer together. Thanks my friends, I look forward to you submissions.

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