richard radstone

Day 348: The gentle giant

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“I’d tell everybody to treat each other like you want to be treated. There are a lot of different people in the world, but still, we are cut from the same cloth. We’re people. We’re human. It’s not about ethnicity. Even though the world sees it that way. But I don’t see it that way.”

He sat ominously under the shade of a tree. His sheer stature taking a dominant section of the city bench as we shared a few minutes together as he waited for his wife to conclude a doctor’s appointment. It would have been easy for me to judge, profile, or make assumptions regarding his intent. 

But if there is anything 365 has taught me, that is to see the world for what it is– a planet covered with unknown people. And even though it would have been easy for me to imagine the intent of today’s stranger-now-friend Michael, I’m glad I did not. For in him is a core that most of us share– a unanimous want to be loved, appreciated, and respected for who we are, or in difficult cases, who we were, or even, who we want to become. In that, a lesson comes into view. It is not any one of our duties to cast ourselves as judge, jury, or prosecutor in how we view those we don’t know.

The above might sound cliche or finger-pointing for me to state. But today, I’ve earned the chops to make this claim. You see, I’ve been wandering the sidewalks for hours, and after a flurry of crucifying brush-offs, approaching strangers has not been a pleasant experience. Rejections, some even threatening, that had me shaken up as I reached out to Michael. But here’s the thing, in every face turned away from me this day, I’ve kept my intent pure. That in itself is a great healer to the esteem hits I’ve taken throughout 365. Even the subtext that keeps me going.

Now, I’m not saying that by any means I’m a master of Zen. I’m as mortal as any of us. Just as suspect to projecting the negative as well as the positive. And yes, my emotions run away the same as, I guess, it does for you. However, there is a guiding question I must ask. Are we keeping our internal dialogues in check by not letting our emotions and thoughts run wild? Hard to do, I know. But I promise you one thing, the rewards are great! A lesson taught me, and I hope, mirrored in you, as we’ve met these hundreds of individuals throughout this project.

So it is with this subtext I reached out to Michael as he sat shaded from the heat of the afternoon sun. In me, no malice to hurt, no judgmental finger pointed, nor any agenda other than wanting to meet another human for who he is.

Upon my introduction, Michael is reserved, yet in his held-back caution, I see an open mind.

It’s always scary approaching strangers, I share as I expose my insecurity in opening up to him.

He thinks for a beat, then, “Yeh. I’ll do it.” I take a seat beside him.

As we talk, and despite the occasional thunder of passing trucks, we find our time together rather peaceful. And even though we are buried in the hum of the continued pulse of smaller moving vehicles, Michael is undistracted in his opening advice to the world: 

“I’d tell everybody to treat each other like you want to be treated.

There are a lot of different people in the world, but still, we are cut from the same cloth. We’re people. We’re human. It’s not about ethnicity. Even though the world sees it that way. But I don’t see it that way.”

Shaking the ground, an eighteen-wheeler thunders by. A brief pause and Michael picks up where he left off:

“I think we’d live in a whole much better world if people would just take the time and hear what the next person’s got to say and to pass something on that is good if they do have something to say.”

Michael speaks of his observations of society. “You have people that are here for one reason or another. For whatever they think they may stand for, or what they might do, or something like that.

I find today that a lot of people are unapproachable. But still, there are a lot of people who are approachable. I’m no individual to judge, but you can pretty much see the good from the bad, and sometimes I miss a call. The person that you think is bad, is not. And the person you think is good, is actually bad. It all depends on how well you get to know the individual, and what they are going through.”

There are a lot of different people in the world, but still, we are cut from the same cloth. We’re people. We’re human. It’s not about ethnicity. Even though the world sees it that way. But I don’t see it that way.”

The wisdom in Michael’s eyes is revealed. His words lifted me after the hours of rejection I encountered in my journey to meet him. My take on what he is challenging us to do? We need to, at least, be open to getting to know the people around us– not judging; and surely, not attacking. And my hopes are for those of us who can posture up to the call, that we can end our days with a restful feeling as we put our heads on our pillows. The knowledge of a day well spent. Not carrying malice toward others.

“It all depends on how well you get to know the individual and what they are going through,” Michael states. His council confirms that none of us have an idea of what is inside another person at first glance. What looks like dismissible intolerance could actually be loss, despair, or lowliness. Or, the sound of ecstatic laughter could be a shroud for escaping any range of hidden hurts. There is no absolute answer to knowing the underlying experiences another person is going through. But if we learn to trust our inner voices, perhaps we can view each other with compassion and inquiring minds.

I’m not saying that we have to be saviors to the world, just open to taking an extra second in governing our minds as we see and interact with all that we meet or pass by.

Here’s an exercise I do from time to time. I tell myself, they were once infants, just like me. Then I reflect, what happened to them to make them who they are? And as Michael has brought to our attention, “We have no idea of what they have gone through, or are going through.”

“People seem to be disconnected today,” Michael continues,  “and a lot of it has to do with technology.

You walk, and you see a lot of young kids. They have headphones on, and they’re really not paying attention to their surroundings. They are looking up. They are looking down at their phone screens or texting.

To me, it seems that if we keep heading in that direction, we are going to fall out of touch with the real value of human socialness. And if it keeps going like it is, people are just going to fall out of touch with each other.

People are not aware of their surroundings, and I don’t think they really care. It’s all about right now! They are not looking into the future. 

I don’t see a real good future for us. That in the next twenty years or so I would hope things would change or get better. but I don’t know.

People don’t talk anymore. Really talk! You know! Try to see where you are coming from. The way I look at it, the Internet, the iPhones, the iPads, even with them, everyone is disconnected.”

My only words to Michael, “You’re not alone, my friend.”

So to you, the readers of my content, the users of social apps, and any of you who are seeing hours pass as you gaze into the screens of technology. Please, keep using it. It’s a great tool! But not the best destination. So, in your routines, Michael has one basic request, put the tech aside in balancing our lives. Get out and meet people the old-fashioned way– Face to Face. He says, “It just works better that way.” 

Day 256: Hey, I’m a teenager, I don’t know everything

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“If life were perfect, then everything would suck and there would be nothing to learn.”

I get into a sidewalk discussion with a couple of unknown neighbors. Denise (not pictured) loves the 365 project. “You should interview my sixteen-year-old son, he always has something to say.”

Five minutes later, I’m standing at the door meeting her the young and brilliantly outspoken Daniel.

I’ve often said the future is in good hands, and Daniel is at the front of the pack in supporting my claim. With a perfect 4.0 GPA, Daniel is not only intelligent; he is wise beyond his years.

Denise invites me into their home for a neighborly visit. I have to tell you it’s been cool getting to know not only the people of my city and wherever I travel, but also those that live so close to me. This alone forces me to challenge you to do the same.

You often hear me spout from my soapbox, “Say hello to the world!” And with the experience of this entry, I guess we all have to ask ourselves– Do we truly know our neighbors?

Back to Daniel.

“Look to tomorrow. Today’s problems are going to be gone.”

“Look to tomorrow. Today’s problems are going to be gone.” he proposes as he accelerates our conversation to a deeper level.

We dive into a lengthy chat, and to keep the word count down, I’ll simply summarize Daniel’s point. Too many people are caught up in the wants of the now, or distracted by the loudest influences that hit them, and us, every day. I’ve called it “The Storm Of Life” in past entries.

And at sixteen Daniel has found a secret many of us much older folks are still trying to master. The way I see it, he is living toward the future, not obsessing about the now. And as he does, he is letting go of what he can’t control by acting on what he can.

“Today’s problems are going to be gone,” Daniel advises. His council leaving us a palpable action point. Do what we can now, and ponder how our actions will affect the future.

Daniel talks of letting go and of his view of the world, “If everything was answered for us, or if life was perfect, there would be no point in living.

It’s hard being a teenager. There is peer pressure, insecurity, discovering emotions, feelings you don’t understand, bullying, and starting to notice girls – a big part of being a teenage guy. You start to get depressed because it’s too much to absorb. You think there is no way out, but eventually, you start to understand.”

Everyone is all about being the best at any cost. They focus on the me. The individual. Asking what makes me happy, and never looking at how they can help others.”

With a smile on his face, Daniel puts it into its plainest expression, “If life were perfect, then everything would suck and there would be nothing to learn. We need to find humanity. There is very little of it in our society. Everyone is all about being the best at any cost. They focus on the me. The individual. Asking what makes me happy, and never looking at how they can help others.”

In my mind, Daniel is discussing balance, and I am strikingly impressed that in speaking with such a young man, the topic has even arisen.

Daniel is proof the future just might be in good hands. Hands that are forward-thinking, compassionate in seeking a better world, and best of all– realistic.

“It’s going to get worse,” Daniel forecasts.

Yet with his prediction, he directs us to what we can do to counter his apprehensions of a worsening path. With youthful energy, “Live your life in a way that you feel is actually helpful. Don’t worry about what others are doing… just do what is right. But hey, I’m just a teenager. I don’t know everything.”

“Live your life in a way that you feel is actually helpful. Don’t worry about what others are doing… just do what is right. But hey, I’m just a teenager. I don’t know everything.”

Day 77: BLACK FRIDAY???

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“We’ve been doing this for six years. It’s our chance to hang out and catch up.”

It’s Thursday morning and I’m prepping for the afternoon Thanksgiving meal to come. It’s the one meal of the year that is pure gluttony married to a feast with a purpose: To be thankful for my blessings and the family that I have. As dysfunctional as it can be at times, I still love them, and as usual, I prepare not only for a giant meal, but ready myself to experience every emotion smashed into a very short time. Every year we gather at one destination, my sister’s house in Laguna Hills. We come from all over to reunite, eat, sleep, and partake of the tradition of all traditions, The Black Friday Sales.

I’m not the shopper of the group; my role, catch up on sleep and to keep the couch soft and warm for afternoon movies. I’m good with that. My wife is the line keeper, the most patient of the bunch (and because is not interested in the sales) is drafted to hold spots in line as the rest of the group plans their strategy for the next bargain. It’s sort of a leap-frog thing, very well orchestrated with the finesse of a highly planned military operation. You’ve got to see it to appreciate it.

This year I have one other laid-back companion in my sleeping brigade, my Nephew Aaron.

The shopping countdown has begun, T-minus nine hours and counting to the 12 AM commencement of Operation Shop-Hop. Over the aroma of foods almost ready for consumption, the troops begin to strategize, “The Disney Store opens at midnight, are we going? Are we getting up at 5 or 6 AM!? The line is already forming at Best Buy, do we go there or not?”

Already lining up at Best Buy? Never have I lined up for days to hit a sale. I’m extremely interested. And enlisting the support of Nephew Aaron, I set out to investigate.

We drive to Best Buy and spy a line of chairs, tents, and bundled people. All look like hearty shoppers and numbering around fifty. Why hearty shoppers? It’s cold, looks like rain is coming, and the store doors don’t even open for over 24 hours.

To the front of the line we quest and are completely rejected by chair one. Chair two nods us off, followed by the support of chairs three and four. Fifth in line takes it to a new level, “I can’t have my photo taken, I’m in the Government.” We appreciate the humor and move on. Didn’t feel right anyway.

Past the chaired shoppers and up to the first set of tents we travel. I’m now even more inquisitive in my desire to be allowed into this boutique culture. At tent one, we meet two well-equipped young gents. Their post looks more like a mountaineer base camp than that of a waiting-for-a-sale encampment.

I’m telling you, these guys have it down, multiple tents, lightweight chairs, sleeping bags, provisions, a power source, and even a television (got to have some luxury). I need to understand Black Friday and they look like they know exactly how things work. Perhaps they will enlighten us, I extend a hand of fellowship.

By the way, there is one item I’ve already found out from the front of the line that is the hot buy. The Reason the encampment started on Tuesday for a store that opens on Friday. You do the math. I do a little in my head and come to this conclusion– there is no way I’m sleeping on the curb, possibly in the rain, for three nights to get a $199 forty-two-inch flat screen.

What I quickly learn, from our camping friends, Twan and Chris, it’s not all about the sale, it’s about the experience and bonding with friends.

“We’ve been doing this for six years. It’s our chance to hang out and catch up.”

Twan and Chris are very gracious, offering Aaron and I chairs in inviting us to stay a while. We join the camp and I realize the eyes that were earlier upon us as strangers, have turned to momentary friends.

Thirty minutes into our exchange, even one of the first to reject us (I think chair three) strolls over to engage in the conversation, there is obviously something peaking his attention. Is it me, or is it Twan, or Chris? I can’t say. But whatever it is, we are now part of something.

Our discussion starts as do most introductions. I speak of the origins of 365, and my family’s interest in Black Friday and we exchange a few general questions; you know, the basic common graces in getting comfortable with each other stuff.

We chat for about thirty minutes and the topics lean towards the future and wisdom for the readers of 365.

Here is where my earlier question is answered. Is it me, or is it Twan or Chris? I can’t say. But whatever it is, we are now part of something.

But I still think it is Chris.

Not two minutes before we are visited by chair three, Chris says to me, “I am a Christian. Just thirty minutes before you guys showed up, I said a prayer asking for a chance to share what I believe.”

“I am a Christian. Just thirty minutes before you guys showed up, I said a prayer asking for a chance to share what I believe.”

Our topic as we are visited by a vicarious friend three: Faith and the Bible. Now I must state, I do have my beliefs, but do not proclaim them openly in 365. From the beginning, I have continually reminded us that 365 is an open discussion of whatever my interviewees decide to share. My job is to draw no conclusions, and other than the occasional blurb for a small business, I do not promote any spiritual, or political agendas.

Yet, as is our visitor from chair three, I am engaged in the topic. Chris quotes several poignant scriptural passages.

From Philippians, Chapter 4 / Verse 13:

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

From Matthew, Chapter 6 / Verses 25 to 33:

“25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

“No matter how many times you fall down, pick yourself up. Follow your dream and keep filling the well.”

In the words of Twan (Who by the way, comes from a Buddhist background):

“No matter how many times you fall down, pick yourself up. Follow your dream and keep filling the well.”

Our vicarious listener of chair three leaves, Twan expresses his thanks for the discussion, and Aaron and I travel back to the family shopping chaos.

“Follow your dream and keep filling the well,” Twan says. I think he is talking about having faith and letting go to a higher power.

All I can say is this, No matter whether Gentile or Jew, Muslim or Hindu, We are all in this life together and someone is listing in guiding us to a better path.

Funny how the holidays bring out the best in so many.

Per the line, I get it now. Sure, many are here for the deals, But the best part of it, people are here to be with people. And the presence of Chris and Twan is inspired.

Great breaking bread with you my friends!

Now I’m off to eat!

Day 281: A burger that introduced me to a brighter light

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“I was getting famous, it was turning me into a product and I did not like it. That is when I went into finance.”

“I was getting famous, it was turning me into a product and I did not like it. That is when I went into finance,” Jerry accounts his life.

Over the last nine months, hundreds of people have now graciously given of themselves in contributing to 365. All brave individuals who without reserve have allowed us into their lives by trusting me to forward their stories, advice, and photos to you.

Several times have we discussed the laws of attraction and also have experienced several unexplainable meetings of strangers turned friends.

From connecting third parties beyond our circle of influence to answering literal prayers and personal reflections, it’s all occurred within the 365 journeys.

Some have been powerfully apparent, while others not so much. We’ve even experienced days where we have struggled to find acceptance from anyone or have found ourselves in somewhat contrite and forced interviews. But nonetheless, in all, I, and I hope you, have been thoroughly fascinated.

We are indeed a unique population with so much depth, so much diversity, and so much combined experience. From pains to joys, we have shared. Yet what is apparent is we are all connected in one wish in one way or another– a want for a better world, to be able to freely live our individual perspective, and do it on a planet filled with kinder people.

Today is no exception as I find myself at a funky little burger joint. Killing time and looking at what I’m eating, I’m sure my arteries as well.

I’m getting stuffed to the gills, and as I ingest my last bite of saturated cholesterol, a well-mannered guy sits at the booth directly in front of me. Our eyes meet, and without my prompt, this stranger greets me with a warm expression of acceptance.

I would be wrong if I did not reciprocate in an equally engaging gesture!

“Hello, how are you?” I reply.

We pick up a friendly and casual conversation, and Jerry, once stranger-now-friend, agrees to join us in our 365 mission of unity.

“The age-old question as to what is the meaning of life is found in two words,” Jerry summarizes, “Expression and Experience– Every living and non-living thing is expressing a quality of that which created it. So what we express we will experience, Period! Look at an atom, electrons spinning around, communicating, the nucleus is the mother, and the electrons are the children. And that analogy pulls it all together so you can see it very clearly.”

Jerry is a man of many talents (or perhaps gifts): A self-diagnosed clairvoyant, a well-grounded businessman, a financial advisor, and a spiritual consultant. From this, he has pooled a vast base of knowledge. A set of perspectives he does not flaunt, but rather, personal concepts he trusts to guide his life. His agenda is apparent, to outreach as far as he can in living centered on what he feels in his heart.

Yet, in his claim, he remains objective, kind, optimistic, and extremely approachable. 

“I used to work with Uri Geller on the Powers of the Paranormal. Uri told me to be careful with my gifts and not to show them off. I was under a contract to perform, and at that moment, I realized I had to change my life. I negotiated out of the contract, and that is when I moved into the financial business. I was very successful. Became very rich in five years (I won’t tell you Jerry’s past worth, and he has the saved bank statements to prove it). But due to the greed and dishonesty of others, I lost it when I moved from Texas to California. I even realized that my marriage was under false pretenses, so I gave what I had left to her and I’m much happier now.”

“I was very successful. Became very rich in five years (I won’t tell you Jerry’s past worth, and he has the saved bank statements to prove it). But due to the greed and dishonesty of others, I lost it when I moved from Texas to California. I even realized that my marriage was under false pretenses, so I gave what I had left to her and I’m much happier now.”

Jerry has a highly spiritual view of humanity and the planet. “The world at large?” He pauses, then continues. “Thoughts and things are very much alike. And, we should approach life as if it is a thought, and not a thing. Move the words around. Things are thoughts. Not thoughts are things. Your experience meets with your expression to create unique points of attraction. Not so much as drawing something to you. That requires a great labor of thought. But if we can learn to use our thoughts as platforms to reach out, and tether onto the dream, and draw it in. I call it Metaphynetics.”

Jerry is an extreme optimist. Passionate regarding his view of a positive mindset, good values, and the potential for a united world.

“I see democracy coming around!” he speaks with conviction. “It’s too beautiful of an idea to throw to the wayside, because none of the other systems have worked as well: And with that, most of the world population being Muslim.”

I did a little research. Jerry is correct in his claim. Per 2012: Christianity, 31% to 35% or 2.1 – 2.5 billion people; Islam, 23% or 1.6 billion people.

“And when they start seeing how to separate church and state, then that progress will relieve much poverty. You see, most of those impoverished nations are Muslim nations.”

Now Jerry is not bagging on the Muslim faith. He is referring to how time-generated hatred in the name of faith can become epidemic. And in this reference, Jerry calls all of us to accountability to observe our faith to their fullest. To value whatever we choose to believe, yet as we do, to extend the same consideration to others.

But there is one thing Jerry certainly makes clear. In the end, we all worship the same God. The creator of the universe. In this, I think he is asking us to align our actions in living our lives with eyes turned toward the world around us.

And with the aid of his Muslim statistic, Jerry postulates. “It’s not so much the religion, but you can’t do business with someone in the name of Ala.”

My take. Jerry is instructing us to respect individual value systems and navigate our relationships and associations with honor and honesty.

Yes, Jerry is an intriguing human being. His concepts, although somewhat ethereal, are well-founded, creative, and lucid. And using a well-defined description of faith, “the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not yet seen,” he goes on to link to our financial systems.

“Faith… That’s what our currency is based on. But we are the collateral.

So if we have faith in each other, and that the system of democracy, the one that is as close to God’s system of man doing business with man. It will all go right back to expression and experience. Patience is the expectancy of good. And when you are waiting for something good, it seems like it takes longer. It feels that way because the body has a clock in it. Call it saccadic rhythms. What we fear seems to come quicker because we are on Adrenalin at that point.” 

Makes me think of the hindsight is 20/20 theory and the discussions we have shared regarding embracing all of our experiences– both the good and the bad.

Jerry humbles. “After I lost my wealth, it made me check my core.

The whole field of humanity opened up to me, and it will for anyone if they operate from love. No matter where they are, and if they are truly doing it.”

Per the future? Again Jerry speaks as if prophetic. “In five of ten years. Islam will create a separation of church and state. Technology will overrule, and peace will start to expand.” 

Jerry, thank you for opening your mind, your heart, and our eyes.

Hope to run into you again my friend; we can pick our discussion back up.

Day 232: A guide to all the is good

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“There is always a tomorrow. To me, it’s not worth stressing too much.”

Every year an American tradition has happened since the dawn of modern education: The High School Prom.

A night where young men rehearse gentlemanly conduct (they better) as they escort young ladies to fairytale evenings (we pray) as each practice social graces. And behind every elegantly dressed teen is a mother, a father, or other mixtures of family dynamics.

Tonight is that very night, and I find myself dead center in activity as I gather with such a group of parents and guardians. All of whom have decided to give their kids a heartfelt wave as they prepare to make prom memories.

Around me are twenty-two of the most beautifully and handsomely dressed kids, all coming together at the home of one of my most respected and long-time friend, Tom (not pictured). The coordinator of tonight’s bus limousine prom start. And in telling this story, I need to tell you a little about Tom. For his persona does lead to the meeting of today’s stranger turned friend.

Tom is a spiritual man. A great example of living a life committed to family values. And in introducing him, I have to state that he is a person centered on love for community. Please know. I use the word love intentionally, and in choosing it, I assure you that I understand the depth of its meaning. If ever I have met a man who exemplifies the purest of benevolence towards his fellow human, it’s Tom. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that he is also a constant fan of 365. Not that he has the time to read every story. His support is more than solely reading our narrative. He believes in the project and puts his faith in others at front in all he does. So to receive an introduction from him is a call to listen.

“Do you know Marilene? If not, you have to meet her. She is an amazing woman,” Tom proposes.

The bus pulls away, and as parents depart, I introduce myself to Marilene. She is all in.

“I have learned that from experience. I’m a worrier at heart. Something that was part of my life from the start, growing up with a dad who was very negative and worried about everything. But after time, I realized that is not a healthy way to live.”

Tom calls Marilene amazing, and as she shares her wisdom, a statement that describes her pops into my mind. For Marilene is “a guide to all that is good.” 

“There is always a tomorrow. To me, it’s not worth stressing too much,” Marilene shares in her native French accent. “I have learned that from experience. I’m a worrier at heart. Something that was part of my life from the start, growing up with a dad who was very negative and worried about everything. But after time, I realized that is not a healthy way to live.”

Advice that I’m guessing many of us can relate to, and if so, probably has you looking at the hidden gems you are carrying from your youth. Those dark and bright moments that have contributed to the evolution of who you now are.

Yet, Marilene does not cite any blame or contempt. To quote, “I have hope for everything.” A hope that healed her from the unexpected loss of her husband when he passed away.

How many kids do you have? I ask.

“Four… and they are great!” Marilene reacts.

“We have a lot of love in our house, and they help me stay young.”

I have met many single parents. All of whom are doing their best to raise balanced children. And to be more personal, I cannot even fathom single-handedly raising my one child. So, hearing Marilene is caring for four teens by herself. Well, that’s an undertaking that gets my complete respect and admiration.

There is a question that is becoming a regular inquiry. A question that not one of my single parenting friends has avoided: What advice do you have for other single parents?

Without hesitation and bearing a most peaceful and infectious countenance, Marilene responds. “Be close to your kids. Talk to them. And never forget that you are a team! Even when they are teens, I promise they do listen, and they do understand. Even when you think they are not.”

We shift gears toward to future, and in her signature positive form, Marilene formats her views using a blend of poignant reality and ingratiating optimism. 

“The idea of a global world is something that I see coming. We have to help countries that are having troubles. But what’s hard about it is that we can’t change people. Maybe in a hundred years, people will look at each other differently. It’s going to be a slow change. But one that will happen.”

Dear Marilene, we’ll take heed to your council. Thanks for inspiring us!

Day 101: Gambling the right way

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“I’ve overcome a lot, drinking, hard drugs, the loss of a business (a sports bar), and a failed marriage.”

From time to time, I’ve spoken of my birthplace, London, England. And though my family migrated to the United States in 1961, me being age one, my blood still runs Brit. Love my Roast Beef and Yorkshire pud, balancing my peas on the back of the fork, and any form of dry wit.

My first year on American soil was spent in Los Angeles, and upon finding work as a tailor, my father relocated the family to Las Vegas in 1962, a story in itself.

In a way, I am a Vegas guy, but in no way subscribe to the Las Vegas hype, “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.”

I’ll admit, I had a studio there in the late 80s, even lived the all-nighter life when I became a big fish in the city. 

But my heyday was short-lived, and it all came crashing down in the early 90s. After that, I relocated to Los Angeles. Sort of reversing my father’s LA to LV path.

No regrets about leaving Las Vegas, my campaign headline, “What’s Raised in Las Vegas, Leaves Las Vegas.”

There was a time when I said, “Lots of memories, but no future.” Farthest from the truth, Los Angeles has been very good to me.

So, why do I share this history? I feel I have to in introducing our new friend of day 101, Daniel. His trade? Professional Gambler.

“Ah? The Las Vegas connection? We get it!”

Hollywood has done us wrong with its interpretation of the sex appeal in gambling and the excitement of endless nightlife. And, I’m sure many of us have seen the darkness of its addiction– with friends, or perhaps even ourselves falling paralyzed, or worse, destroyed by the seductive allure of the big win.

I have walked the edge of the Scene, experiencing it from both sides of the coin (no pun intended). I’ve worked with Casino executives and cheered on many gamblers. Fortunately for me, I dodged the snare of the gaming trap, but I know the players and the game.

So to meet a pro gambler in a very suburban part of the San Fernando Valley hits me as both sublime and powerful. Why sublime? Daniel is a regular guy residing in a regular neighborhood. A person with a regular life, and yes, a regular workweek. He has no bling, wears no Armani, and is not clenching fists of greed-earned money. Like I said, a regular guy, doing regular things on a regular Sunday.

I run into Daniel as he rakes leaves in his front yard. It’s a scene that I can, in no way, pass on as I drive by him this day.

In my first meeting with Daniel, he is warm, welcoming, and doing his best to take care of his home. His yard is well-groomed; has no pomp, and is not filled with hot cars– just a comfortable home in a regular neighborhood.

A shining example of balance, Daniel is. But the irony of it all, he is a professional gambler living by modest means, and an equally modest lifestyle.

He holds no punches in telling his story. “I’ve overcome a lot, drinking, hard drugs, the loss of a business (a sports bar), and a failed marriage.”

I ask Daniel if he is happy. “I am,” he tells me, elaborating, “I’ve never been focused on material things. I’ve learned that life has peaks and valleys; you just have to roll with them and not let them get to you. What is important is appreciating every moment in life as opportunity for learning.”

 

“I’ve never been focused on material things. I’ve learned that life has peaks and valleys; you just have to roll with them and not let them get to you. What is important is appreciating every moment in life as opportunity for learning.”

Earlier I used the word “powerful” in introducing Daniel. I know we can all agree on his above philosophy, a concept to which many of us are subscribing, as proven by the numerous interviews of 365.

What is fascinating is the variety of means, and life experiences, many have shared with us in defining their outlooks. From courageous life changes to humble acceptance, self-concern to concern for others, and from wealthy to homeless one message is coming to the surface in shining colors. We, as a whole, are not that different. We just need to look past the surface.

Daniel: Powerful? 

It takes character to self-evaluate and to grow stronger from doing so. And growth is what Daniel is all about. He credits his rebirth to the Dalai Lama.

“I read a book that changed my life. I was angry at the world, and it controlled my life. His book healed me, and for that, I will forever be a better man.”

Daniel is a testament to self-control and thoughtfulness for others. “You have to use every moment as a test to master yourself. It’s like if a person cuts you off on the freeway, and they are raging. Don’t judge that person. Just use the moment for positive. Don’t get mad or react. That way, you contribute a positive message to the world. And in turn, overcome your weaknesses.”

I start to realize the depth of Daniel and his advice.

He continues, “In Vegas casinos, I can be intimidating, I’m all tatted and look like a skinhead. But really, I’m just going bald. Sometimes people are scared of me.”

I lift my hat, relating to him on the balding issue.

“From the way people view me I have learned to be patient, and I treat all people the way I want to be treated– with tolerance.”

Daniel sums up as he reveals the course of his life’s change.

“I did have an anger management problem, I paid the price, but all is in check now. Life is good, I’m re-married, happy, and have freedom of mind and time to do what a love doing.”

Daniel, thanks for showing us how to gamble the right way.

Day 216: It’s OK to be bored every once and a while

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“It’s OK to be bored every once in a while.

For some people… being bored is a sin, but if you look at it as a space where you can shut down stimulus so your mind can work… it’s really a place where you can come up with fresh ideas. Boredom is not pleasant. There are external things to combat it. Or you can simply let your mind wander. If you accept it, it can become a garden where you can grow new ideas.”

At first, I am a little confused by this council provided to us by Kyiv-born friend of the day, Dmitry.

In a considerate and heavily accented Russian voice, Dmitry is calm and calculated in his words as he sets the stage for our curbside discussion in a fashionable Beverly Hills shopping and dining district.

A wonderful anomaly to the general tone of the public that is usual to the 90210 destinations; Dmitry’s appearance strikes me to reach out to him. And as he reads as he walks on a street where so many are caught up in browsing store window to store window, it is quite curious as to who this Jimmy Hendrix-looking man is– and a Russian law student, studying at the prestigious Pepperdine University of Law, was farthest from my mind.

“I came to the United States thirty-three years ago, back when the Soviet Union was still Communist. My family was allowed to leave during the 2nd wave of the great Jewish migration. We were helped by the State of Israel and other organizations in the United States. 250 thousand were allowed to leave. Eventually, all of my family was allowed to leave, I was ten years old. It was a very interesting experience. A week in Vienna. A couple of months in Rome being processed, and then to a Chicago family who sponsored us. A year after that we came to Los Angeles.”

I have to ask, “Was the persecution apparent?”

“’I did not experience any direct Anti-Semitism; I was shielded by my teachers, parents, and grandparents. But I do remember my father telling me that, as a Jew, if I was to get any kind of education, I would have to be a perfect student and get all A’s. I carried that with me for a lot of years. The thought that in order to get accepted, or to be successful, I would have to do everything perfect… Perfect… Because I was a Jew. I’ve since then let go of the idea of perfection. I can best explain it with an expression I heard from a film editor, ‘Perfect is the enemy of the good.’

“’I did not experience any direct Anti-Semitism; I was shielded by my teachers, parents, and grandparents. But I do remember my father telling me that, as a Jew, if I was to get any kind of education, I would have to be a perfect student and get all A’s. I carried that with me for a lot of years. The thought that in order to get accepted, or to be successful, I would have to do everything perfect… Perfect… Because I was a Jew. I’ve since then let go of the idea of perfection. I can best explain it with an expression I heard from a film editor, ‘Perfect is the enemy of the good.’

It was said in the context of art, but it can apply to any human endeavor.

It’s like if you are trying to make a good painting, maybe even a great painting, if the focus is on perfection… the painting will most likely be inferior. This is true to life in general; politics, business, and relationships… definitely true for relationships.’”

Dmitry elaborates on his philosophy of boredom, “With TV, Satellite, Social Media… iPads, iPhones, it’s easy to be entertained every minute of the day. But do we actually listen for new ideas, poems, business ideas, songs, or anything else?”

“Do we actually listen?” I pause.

Earlier Dmitry suggests, “…there are external things to combat it…”

What business is he doing this day…? I do not know. Is he stimulated by the storefronts? I don’t think so! Is he bored? I’m uncertain. Yet whether bored or not, Dmitry is engaged in his mindset of shutting out external stimuli as he strides with a novel in hand. Reading and carefully navigating the sidewalk.

“…or you can simply let your mind wander…” Dmitry says.

Perhaps he is seemingly disengaged from society with his face in a book. Or is he living as he preaches by simply letting his mind wander?

“…If you accept it, it can become a garden where you can grow new ideas.”

“…If you accept it, it can become a garden where you can grow new ideas.” Dmitry shares.

And in the way he quickly and pleasantly converses with me, the answer is uncovered. Dmitry is putting something into his mind.

“’Boredom is one of those dumb words like kingdom, freedom, or abandon, I know abandon is a ‘don’ rather than a ‘dom’ end of a word,’” he explains.

“Words ending in dom are dominion words, referring to a place or a state to inhabit. If you shut yourself off from boredom, you are reducing your space to roam, or graze. It is a space where you can plant and develop ideas.”

Dmitry is a confident thinker, with a mind tempered for careful examination of humanity and a heartfelt desire to better the planet.

“The number one challenge for the future is to find a source of energy that does not rely on limited resources. We had the Manhattan projects Nuclear Fission and they managed to do it in three years. We need another Manhattan project for Fusion… it is the alternate source. Fusion, not Fission. Fission’s byproduct is radioactive, Fusion’s byproduct is Helium.”

He lengthens his progressive point of view toward what is to come.

“There will be more of us. We have to ethically and morally commit that is a good thing. To not do so would be genocide.”

Dmitry, my new friend, thanks for helping us think!

Day 282: Nice Hat

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“We should never prejudge anyone, not by color, not religion, not by where we come from. Just be good people, the rest will come from self.”

Yup, The world is an awesome planet! So, I’m driving down the street and when arriving at a stop sign I notice the gentleman in the vehicle next to me is wearing a fedora much similar to the one I’m wearing. But even more, appreciated is the warm greeting he gestures with a tip of his hat, and rolling down his window, he compliments, “Nice Hat!”

Right then and there I know this is a true neighbor, and it’s important we meet this man. We have a very brief car-to-car discussion and within minutes we find ourselves parked in a little baseball field just off the busy street where we first met.

It is unsolicited gestures of kindness like this that prove to me humankind has the potential to be a gregarious and loving people. A premise that 365 has burned deeply into both my mind and heart.

Not saying that we are on a path to being a global government or homogenized society. For it is our diversity is that makes us rich and magnificently unique. What I am saying is this, in our own communities or our travels, do we view one another with love and acceptance, without preconceived notions of the negative, or with optimism in seeking our similarities as species human? And tonight as I aimlessly drive, an unknown friend has done just that, reduced the size of our community with the simplest of gestures, a hat tip, and a smile. And as minute as it may seem, the humble acknowledgment has brightened my day more than I can accurately express.

I’m on the receiving side of kindness today, and to tell you the truth, I needed to be here today. It is for this reason I write this with the utmost gratitude and honor for my new friends: Rom, his daughter Anne, son Tom, and their young friend Yoadd.

I love this project, it has been a life changer for me; and, my dream is, that it is the same for you. It’s about real everyday people with real-life concerns and experiences. I hope that from it none of us will ever look at the world the same.

Rom and his children are very much a family and have proven again there is real power within the realms of caring for our neighbors. Their enthusiasm for life and love of the world is evident not only in their countenance, but alive in their words.

I’ve coined the phrase, “The silent majority.” In it, I am referring to us, the everyday people. For after speaking with so many strangers turned friends, I am realizing the greater population of us, “Real People,” are all saying the same thing. “We want to get along, be loved and respected for who we are, and desire to know children will have a safe world to live in. A world with less oppression, less governmental control, and the opportunity to safely live, love, and worship as we desire. Trust me, I am not trying to get political, but I just found a quote from the late Ronald Reagan. Whether you approve of his administration or not, his thought strikes resonance. He stated this, “Government’s first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives.”

Call it a dream or not, but we are the silent majority, and we have the power to build our communities into loving safe-havens. It takes not much to be effective in uplifting each other, like for me this evening. I was a little down, but through the tip of a hat from an unknown man, my life became much richer. The lesson is there to be learned, and the tuition is free to all. The fee? Only a sincere smile and a warm heart toward our neighbors. My hope is that we all receive our Master’s degrees from the University of Planet Earth (UPH). And with that, Let class begin!

Youthful Instructor Anne takes the podium.

“At school, I’m part of the recycling club, and I want to tell everyone to go green.”

She describes her definition of the world, “It’s called a community.” Out of the mouths of the children. We have to ask ourselves in checking our outlooks on the youth: Who is the wiser? The old… or the young? And are we listening?

Professor Tom addresses the student body.

 

“How you look and what you do now will be less important. People will be more thinking about what you do for the whole world, not as much how important you are, but how important you are to everyone else.”

“Always stay positive and be happy about what you have, because if everyone becomes negative… then neighbor will turn on neighbor, and the world won’t be a happy place.”

Dean Ram sets the tone for his faculty and all visiting students.

 “We should never prejudge anyone, not by color, not religion, not by where we come from. Just be good people, the rest will come from self.”

Visiting students, and family friend Yoadd contributes to the curriculum.

“Everyone should be happy with one another. Live life to its extreme because it is short… and kind of fun.”

Four distinct views, four sets of suggestions for us all to consider, and four lists of concerns and advice that has become a constant among the over 1000 people who have conversed with us in 365.

We shift to the future in part two of our educational workshop.

Again instructor Anne starts the ball rolling.

“The word war will go away and everyone in the world will come together as one big family, and they will notice that no matter how someone looks or is, as long as they respect you and you respect them, we can all be like one family.”

Professor Tom concurs.

Ram looks at his faculty with loving eyes but grounds them with a challenging mountain to overcome. “I’m really, really scared about the level of communication between people. As of today: I love you, I miss you, I need you, is gone. Everything is texting, everything is computerized and the feelings, the emotions, are dissipating from the world. Everything is very technical and I’m really, really scared. I think in ten years it is going to be much worse. I’m afraid parents will not communicate with their kids, and kids will not communicate with their friends. They barely do today. Honestly, I think it is going to get worse.”

Instructor Anne contributes to the dean’s comments.

 

“I see it two ways… Technology, it could be a good thing and a bad thing, like my dad said, people will talk to each other less. Like on their computer or iPad or something. That’s what makes their life… and their life evolves around that.

Again instructor Anne starts the ball rolling.

“The word war will go away and everyone in the world will come together as one big family, and they will notice that no matter how someone looks or is, as long as they respect you and you respect them, we can all be like one family.”

Professor Tom concurs.

Ram looks at his faculty with loving eyes but grounds them with a challenging mountain to overcome. “I’m really, really scared about the level of communication between people. As of today: I love you, I miss you, I need you, is gone. Everything is texting, everything is computerized and the feelings, the emotions, are dissipating from the world. Everything is very technical and I’m really, really scared. I think in ten years it is going to be much worse. I’m afraid parents will not communicate with their kids, and kids will not communicate with their friends. They barely do today. Honestly, I think it is going to get worse.”

Instructor Anne contributes to the dean’s comments.

“I see it two ways… Technology, it could be a good thing and a bad thing, like my dad said, people will talk to each other less. Like on their computer or iPad or something. That’s what makes their life, and their life evolves around that. It is also good for contacting someone or finding someone. We are definitely going to go more green and technology will help that. But if life totally revolves around your phone or your computer or something like that, that will mess up your life.”

Visiting student Yoadd queues in on the environment.

“Technology will definitely be more advanced, especially when it comes to saving the planet and going green.”

Something is going on right at our roadside school. And I must credit Dean Ram for his leadership and example to us all. Its youthful faculty is on fire in training itself, and I hope us, to be active in working towards a better future while strengthening our existing communities. Through their example and words today, I know one thing firsthand. For I was tired, I was missing being home with my family, and I was clueless as to where to meet a new friend. And the moment I let go of my self-control in submitting to whatever is to come, a hat is tipped to me. Call it fate, call it coincidence, or call it anything you wish. But whatever the cause, and trying to not be selfish, I must say, THANK YOU to my new friends, our well has been filled.

For who knew that in a quite little baseball parking in the burbs of San Fernando Valley, I would encounter the wisdom of future leaders and the man who is planting meaningful seeds?

Best of all, UPH is open registration with no limits to enrollment. Better yet, its courses are self-created and at hand for you to develop. So for today, I ask you to consider this youthful wisdom as orientation, and in that, you are at the center of the lecture hall. And as remote and self-assigned teachers of a better future, UPH permissions you. Gives you a blank syllabus that contains no limitations. So as you create your annex campus wherever you are. Lest you never forget, “Your individual impact truly does matter to someone else in the world.

Day 307: The Farralone Line

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“Live every day like it is your last. Because you never know what is going to happen.”

On day 124, we met Fernando and spoke about an invisible border that separates two distinctly different neighborhoods. Thirty feet of auto-traveled asphalt that I defined as the Farralone line, a black-topped river that parts two cultures, each with its own dynamic ways of daily living. My side being communicatively isolated within its walls, and the other side open with street activity at day’s end. A part of the neighborhood where on weekends music regularly rings out, and a culture where families are seen gathering in front yard conversation.

In a way… it is reminiscent of vintage America. A time when neighbors knew neighbors and cups of flour were exchanged. The irony, not often can a single Anglo be seen present navigating over the Farralone line. And in my observation of times past, a question is posed. What is happening to the American spirit of unity? For in a country, in which the very title, The United States, screams of knowing thy neighbor, many still point a finger at the richness of its diversity; a diversity that is the very foundation of its creation. And, a foundation that, as observed by my Hispanic friends on the other side of the Farralone line, has been respected as long as I have lived in my house.

Yes, I have many friends on both sides of the street, but to be quite honest, at many a time I feel more at home on their block. And today is such a day as I run into two new friends, teen neighbors Robert and Erik.

Now I’d be a liar if I told you I have never seen them. For often as I have walked past their home, we have met eyes with a distanced hello. But after a while, even this acknowledgment has grown old and even lacks depth. With this admission, the time has come. The moment to pause and do my part to start the conversation. After all, Robert and Erik are my neighbors. Only four houses and a street divide have parted our knowing each other a little better, and it’s well time we talk.

I ask Robert to share his words of counsel with us. “Live every day like it is your last. Because you never know what is going to happen.”

Because you never know what is
going to happen.”

Without fail, I’ve heard this from many a youth throughout our 365 interviews. And, every time I hear it, it sounds different, especially from the way I expressed it when I was a teen. For me, at the time, it was about self and looking only for fun. A fact I’m a little embarrassed to face as I remember my teen years. But the reality is, my generation grew up in the  “If it feels good… do it” era.

The eighties! A blur now, and although there were a host of global and political problems then, the decade bred youth that was in no way comparable to the informed generation that is walking the planet these days.

So when Robert speaks of living every day like it is the last; it is implied that his meaning is based in a much greater depth. He elaborates as he looks toward the world to come, “There will be no more gas, everything will be run off of electricity, like water and solar panels. There will be no poles or electrical wires. Everything will be wireless. Tires won’t be rubber. We will be hovering over the ground, helping the environment and all that.”

Sure it sounds Sci-Fi. But in reading through the lines, Robert is speaking of environmentalism. Taking care of the world that has been given to us.

I turn to Erik, What words of wisdom do you have to share with us?

He gives us more of a petition than advice. “I’d like to see world peace,” he says.

“I’d like to see world peace,” 

I could write more, but how do I top, “World Peace.” And as far as this afternoon, let’s just say this, The Farralone Line is slowly disappearing in my world. And as I recite Erik’s romantic and optimistic wish, I hope we can at least drops the borders of our own making.

For as history continually illustrates, the efforts of one can be great, and if each one of us does our part in our neighborhoods, perhaps Erik’s words might not have fallen not fall on deaf ears.

It’s not about riots, big groups of protestors, or even subscribing to one party or another. It’s much simpler than that– and that answer is lurking in your circle of influence.

So please, never forget, wherever there is one good deed given or thought shared, a seed is planted with the reach to grow a better world. And from that place, who knows what can happen?

So in the end, the choices remain yours, and if you think deeply, I’m guessing you probably know what you need to do. And in that, the question lingers, and in it, a modest challenge, “Do we choose to listen?”

Pass it on my friends!