sidewalkghostsblog

Day 106: Life is Like a Buffet

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“Working at Walmart, and with the holidays, I see this every year. People fighting over plastic junk, junk that is only to be returned the next morning.”

“Life is like a buffet, there is something for everyone.” 

Good words to hear as I heal from last night’s pre-holiday warm-up meal.

Today I’m adding to my bloated stomach as we find ourselves on a luncheon exploration at not the most typical of Christmas celebratory places—Goldfield Ghost Town, home to Rusty, the man who departs the above quote.

At first meeting, he is extroverted, funny, and subtle in his presence. He, my wife, and I palaver for a spell (I’m in Arizona, palaver for a spell, just feels right to say).

This buffet idea? What the heck! I love food! Is Rusty telling me to “love life?” I guess so.

Originally from Missouri, Rusty moved to Arizona for the love of his wife, who suffers from several medical conditions that required her to live in a warm climate.

Rusty is a man who apparently puts others before himself; he speaks of people with compassion and understanding.

“In Missouri, I started as a minister, then I got into comedy. My comedy was clean and for families, but my heart is still in the ministry.”

Like I said, Rusty is funny and a people person. He breaks away from our interview, “Excuse me for a second, I have to announce the mine tour.”

It’s a tad more than a standard amusement park announcement; it is a well-constructed and humorous call to action. Makes sense coming from a man who has opened in Branson, at venues like Dick Clark’s American Bandstand Theater, and warmed up crowds for performers such as Yakov Smirnoff.

“I’m working two jobs to make ends meet, here and at Walmart. I see a lot of people and have this to tell them, slow down, everyone is in too much of a hurry. It’s a shame, we miss out on striving for things we may never get in life.”

“We have all need to realize we are here for a reason and learn not to judge. We have the power to set a positive example. And if we become negative, we can do no good.

He continues, “If there was a little more respect, we would not have as much trouble. I see too much of it’s about me, and not enough of it’s about us.”

“Working at Walmart, and with the holidays, I see this every year. People fighting over plastic junk, junk that is only to be returned the next morning.”

Rusty councils, “Take what you need, no more, no less, there is enough to go around. Greed is the downfall of man.”

He does not deliver this council in contention, a judgmental attitude, or with any message of class distinction. What he shares he delivers with a sentiment of respect and in an encouraging tone. Even relates it to his earlier “buffet” parable.

“Life is like a buffet, there is something for everyone.” 

He adds this to the equation to humble it a bit, “Good thing there is a sneeze guard.”

That sneeze guard? He calls it a mindset, a protective device in not buying into other people’s negativity.

“We have all need to realize we are here for a reason and learn not to judge. We have the power to set a positive example. And if we become negative, we can do no good.

“God created the Earth with enough beauty around for everything. We just need to appreciate it, and each other.”

My take? It’s been interesting to see the year-end shift in the perspectives of those I am interviewing. Sure, 365 carries a positive message through the life perspectives shared by its participants, and through the words of others showing us, we are all in this thing together. But what is really interesting to me is seeing how so many are turning towards a higher power as we get closer to the New Year; for many it’s a time of self-reflection. That in itself is telling me something. What do you think?

I’ve got to go now… Walmart presents to wrap. (Just kidding!)

Day 172: There is Greatness In All of Us

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“I’m studying to be a dentist, and as soon as I finish my education, I intend to return to Cambodia, where I plan to help the poor and the sick, and more importantly, do all I can to stop sex trafficking.”

After last night’s quarter tank of fuel waste, I decide to walk my own backyard neighborhood and to again give my friends at Cloud 9 Hookah Lounge a visit.

In the door I go and it’s instantly like a reunion, as I talk to Justin, “To Walk With Them As The Same.” We catch up a bit and he lets me know of his enrollment in Hypnotherapy school and that he will be licensed in six months. It’s way cool to see someone following a purpose they feel deep inside. I know he will help many.

“How’s 365 going?” he asks.

I bring him up to speed, “Beyond my wildest dreams. The thing is really taking off and it is changing my life for the better. I’ve accepted that its purpose is greater than myself and I’m just following it wherever it takes me.”

In our conversation, he introduces me to Karnnitha, a very chill lady who is hanging out with one of the owners of Cloud 9. I sit with them to exchange stories and soon Karnnitha agrees to share words with us.

I ask my questions, and her answers are well thought out and precise.

“Don’t let the little things push you away from what you want to do. Stay positive and things will work out,” she contributes.

“I’d like to one day see that the planet is OK, the economy in America better, and a world at peace,” Karnnitha expands as we settle into lengthening our conversation.

“What are your plans for your future?” I ask.

Her response impresses me to the core. You see, Karnnitha is a selfless giver, a rare and admirable quality for someone just barely twenty.

“I’m studying to be a dentist, and as soon as I finish my education, I intend to return to Cambodia, where I plan to help the poor and the sick, and more importantly, do all I can to stop sex trafficking.”

Sex trafficking, an epidemic blotch on the face of society, and a hideous atrocity of the greatest magnitude towards humanity. I’ve run into so many people who are engaged or intent on entering the fight against the de-humanization and literal evil of the human trafficking industry. That’s right. Industry! Billions of dollars in scale! How sick is that!

Our conversation takes me back to all that I learned from Lucy O’Brian, “The Power Of One,” eighty-one days ago, and reaffirms my commitment to at least do all I can to raise the awareness of the dreadful impact the sex trade has on the lives of so many women, and horrible to say, innocent children.

Karnnitha’s life purpose is a tribute to her maturity, the depth of her compassion, and her commitment to helping in the fight to abolish the perversions of the sex for sale industry.

And if we think we are safe in America, Karnnitha enlightens us, “It’s not just a problem in Cambodia, it’s a huge problem worldwide, and very profitable in the United States.”

Very profitable in the United States bounces like a confirming echo to the facts that Lucy shared with us. Findings that she knows first hand from her ten years in the fields of fighting the human trafficking war. And Karnnitha is at Lucy’s tail feathers in getting up to speed in her efforts to further the work of all those so anxiously engaged in the fight.

It’s a wonderful thing to meet a young woman with such advanced values, and I compliment Karnnitha on her maturity, her life perspective, and her courage in stepping-up to do her part in working for human rights and the basic dignity that all should be able to enjoy.

“It’s not all me,” Karnnitha credits, “My parents taught me to never judge, to accept people for who they are, to be caring, loving, and to be giving. That is a big part of why I am who I am.”

On her arms is a series of tattoos, all with meanings honoring her family and friends. She tells me of her siblings and the love and time she has dedicated to helping her brother who is inflicted with multiple illnesses. “I’ve had to grow up fast and I like my life right now,” Karnnitha pronounces.

My schooling carries on and sometimes feels like I’m getting a Master’s Degree in understanding. An understanding that no matter where we are in life, or whom we appear to be on the outside, the potential for greatness is inside us all.

We really can’t judge a book by its cover. For tonight, in a cool little Hookah Lounge, in the heart of a young woman who is seemingly chill, lies the compassion of a great lion of human rights activism.

Karnnitha, bless you in all you do! You inspire us all.

Day 99: Treat the Planet Right

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“I’m tired of the little gestures. If we are going to change, we have to do more, get involved, and educate ourselves. It is amazing how little knowledge our current people know about the environmental impact of industry and population.”

Out on a Saturday road trip with my daughter. Destination: Santa Barbara—land of healthy living, and volleyball.

It’s a lovely drive and we drop off highway 101 just as sunset hits. My daughter has a plan… a sand crab hunt. Chasing the sun, we race down Cabrillo Boulevard and settle at the free parking by the volleyball courts.

She grabs her beach stuff and looks at me, “Dad… your camera bag.” Wow, at nine she has learned at an early age to push me with the fortitude of a seasoned producer.

She is right, 365 never takes a break, and even though we are on family time, she makes me acutely aware, “It’s day ninety-nine; you’re almost at one hundred days, Dad. Keep going!”

I accept and strap on my forty pounds of backpack for a soft-sand workout. By the way, my shoulders, back, and neck are starting to get buff. Who knows? Maybe I’m unintentionally developing the upper body exercise fad of the future: “Sand Backpacking?”

On the horizon are several groups of volleyball games in various stages of play. We see one group that is wrapping-up as the cold evening air begins to take its bite (as much as it can in sunny California).

We approach the group, and although they seem interested at first, when the question arises, “Can I photograph you?” they decline.

The beach is mostly empty, but there is one figure further down the coast, a man fishing—boat at side. Maybe he will be interested. If not, no worries. After all, it’s family time. So if he is out, I’ll find someone later.

The sun is touching the mountains now, and as we get closer to our unknown fisherman, he begins to push his boat into the water as he packs up for the day. Oh well, like I said, “I’ll find someone later.”

Here’s one more thing I’m accepting about 365. It really is directing me, and the more I submit to it, the more that is drawn to me. And today proves this point.

The moment I acknowledge, not defeat, but acceptance in finding no new friend, a voice strikes me from behind, “Hey, we just finished our game. I have a few minutes before we leave Do you still want to interview me. The others don’t want to, but the project sounds very interesting and I’d like to contribute.”

 “I’d love to see a day when we are doing more good for the planet than harm.”

Stepping up is the wonderfully energetic and fit Bronwyn. I really like this lady. There is a magic radiating from her and at first question, I know why.

It’s cold! And I want to be courteous to shivering Bronwyn, so without hesitation, I go right into the interview.

“What words of wisdom do you have for my readers?”

Even though it is tooth chattering cold, Bronwyn delivers a huge smile, “That’s easy… spend time outside!”

Bronwyn is magical. And here is my perception to key of her magic— she possesses a love for nature and the world around her. With this, it makes sense as to why she is so radiant; Bronwyn is in her element… the outdoors.

Healthy is an understatement in describing Bronwyn. Some of you have run on the beach. For those who have not, know that 100 yards can be a breath-taker. In talking to Bronwyn, she is not the least breathless, even after sprinting 200 yards to catch up with us.

It gets better. She tells me about her career, “Tomorrow I start a new job, so I’m getting in all the outdoor time I can find before I go to the office.” What of this career? How do you cage a graceful bird to a cubical existence?

The answer can be summed up in two words: passion and commitment. Bronwyn’s profession? Environmental Economist. The title is over my head, so we talk about it.

Many of our 365 friends have spoken of a better future for our children. A wonderful sentiment. One that challenges my every action, pushing me to reflect on the impact and consequences of the decisions I make.

“I’m tired of the little gestures.” Bronwyn states. “If we are going to change, we have to do more, get involved, and educate ourselves. It is amazing how little knowledge our current people know about the environmental impact of industry and population.”

Bronwyn is not bagging on us—she even says, “I’ve been studying this stuff for years and I haven’t even touched the surface of it.”

What she is saying is this. In my words, “Sure, it is a good thing to recycle our plastics. The positive impact of that alone is great. Yes, I realize we are all busy and can’t find time to know it all. Bronwyn even accepts this in stating, ‘I have been studying the environment for years, and there is no way I can know it all.’”

Here is what I propose, “We need to push a little harder in doing our part.”

Perhaps it’s in the form of an educated vote. Maybe it is a letter to a politician or corporate executive in lobbying for better reforms or initiatives. Or simply, an hour or two a week in Google or other search engines, educating ourselves on things we can do in everyday life to help the environment. Whatever it is, I suggest we lean it towards Bronwyn’s wishes for the future.

Those wishes, “I’d love to see a day when we are doing more good for the planet than harm.”

Bronwyn, I hear you about the little gestures. I’ll work to do better in understanding what I can do, and again ask you, my readers, to join me in this cause.

Bronwyn, today you have reached out to me in sharing what, to you, may seem a little gesture in joining 365. My hope is your message touches enough of us to become one large gesture for us all to chomp on. TREAT THE PLANET RIGHT.

Day 56: By Chance…or Not

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 “I’ll have no house. I’ll have no stability, and will be traveling—meeting crazy people. Routine and all that crap annoy me.”

Please believe me as I tell you that I am not going yogi on you with the metaphysical. But I have to tell you this 365 thing is very strange at times, still leading me to the right people, with the right message, at the right times.

It’s 7:30pm. I’m with my family and starting to sweat a little, thinking, “Here comes a late-nighter trying to find a 365 friend!” We’ve been to Home Depot, Target, and Ralph’s grocery store, followed by a bit of drive-by wandering of a few other local retail businesses…and even after trying to force a few conversations at each of the listed venues, no one is ringing out.

Submitting to the evening, I ready these words for my wife, “Can you and Colette get to sleep without me tonight, I’m going to have to go on a 365 drive.” They are behind me but worry that I’m going to get myself killed by walking into a stupid situation on my own—especially when I hit the night streets on my own.

So here I am, cruising the parking lot, beginning to accept my fate of a long night and thinking of ways to avoid two things that seem destined to come: zero sleep and the watch your back council.

No joking, within seconds of my submission, crossing the front of my car pass two people: Visual Effects and Motion Graphics students, Matthew and Monica. The voice rings out! That is them! Game on!

Quickly, I set my route to park, driving to the top of the parking lot and doing my best not to become a stalker in chasing them down in my car (that would be way creepy, wouldn’t it?). I pull into a parking spot at the end of a row, grab my camera bag, and set a foot course to where they are parked. I slow my pace and casually approach them as they complete loading their groceries into their car. They catch sight of me. I throw the 365 invite and it is instantly apparent that we are all where we are supposed to be at this particular moment—at least that’s my take. We’ll see if you agree as you read on.

My tribute to youth continues with these two creative kids. They call each other kids, so I am taking license to do the same. Yet the words they share are not that of children, but brave and dedicated Creatives with quite a bit of life experience, especially Matthew. At one point in tonight’s interview, Monica even diverts to him to further share his story. We’ll get to that in a second.

“Tell the truth. You can’t live with secrets—they always catch up with you.”

Monica is absolutely delightful. I can tell she is a catalyst for laughter between these two. They seem soul matched, leading me to ask if they are “significant others”? With warm hugs to each other, they respond, “No, just friends.”

There are only two words necessary to fully describe Monica, “Free Spirit.” She cracks me up with her forecast of where she will be in ten years, “I’ll have no house. I’ll have no stability, and will be traveling—meeting crazy people. Routine and all that crap annoy me.”

Her words of advice, “Just do it! There is nothing stopping you at all.” I ask, “Sounds like you have a lot of life experience?” I can see in her eyes that she wants to share some of her life, and I can tell that she has a thing or two to say, but she shifts to a humbler tone and redirects the question to Matthew. There is a very warm connection between these kids that touches me, and I quickly find out why. Matthew steps right up, “I have no problem sharing my history.”

“I was diagnosed with HIV one year ago.” Monica quiets and keeps her eyes focused on Matthew; I can tell she admires him and is inspired by his trials and maturity. It is at this exact moment I know why we are here together: Matthew has council for us all. And his words need to be published.

He tells me of his growth in accepting this life-changing illness and of his experience with a very materialistic roommate, both issues he faced in tandem. His take away:

“Don’t regret anything. Everything has a lesson.”

“Hate doesn’t take you anywhere.”

“All you can do is look at the good, that will drive you forward in life.”

“Tell the truth. You can’t live with secrets—they always catch up with you.”

Matthew is ingratiating as I note his council. It is apparent that he knows what he is talking about and desires to help others who need to hear his words. And by the look in Monica’s eyes, I know why they are friends. He grounds her and she pushes him. These friends are meant to be (Monica, Matthew, please forgive me if I am being too presumptuous, just a feeling I’m getting as I write this blog entry).

We pick the group discussion back up and the subject turns to why we meet this evening…and after Matthew bearing his history, we all seem to know why. We deepen the topic by talking a little about religion as Matthew expresses his interest in studying it. A three-way dialogue begins and we all agree that there is much good in many religions. Our conclusion, it is about honoring our fellowman, acceptance of a higher power, and striving for self-mastery in doing the right thing. We expand and discuss the worth of a soul and its eternal progression. Heavy topics, but the air is light and the conversation united. Readers, I’m telling you, I don’t direct these meetings or force the topics—they just happen, and I’m convinced it’s not by chance.

Speaking of chance. I learn a thing or two about social magnetism. Matthew brings up the Gestalt theory. I’m vaguely familiar with its application in design but have never really pondered its sociological and psychological applications or its theories of social attraction—something that Matthew has studied a little. He poses the question, “Could it have had any influence on our meeting this evening?”

I have Googled and studied it a little as I am writing this blog. I’ve not delved to its depths, only taking a quick read of ten or so sources. It is a very fascinating theory, making me think about my influence in the hows and whys of my friendships, networks, surroundings, and even the outcome of 365.

Both Matthew and Monica leave me with these words: “We think this meeting is meant to be; the day has led up to it. It has been a great day and meeting up with you seems to be what we have been going towards.” All I know is when I first saw the two of them, the voice rang in my head. “It’s them you need to talk to.”

Matthew concludes with this (and from his comments, I can tell he is very spiritual), “I put on my xxx (Matthew, forgive me, I forgot what they are called) beads today,” he shows them to me, “Seems they led me here to share my message.”

Monica, keep smiling and dreaming.

Matthew, keep the faith.

And kids, thanks for the inspiration!

Day 78: It’s Never Too Late

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“Save your money. Invest it on classic things and your education. Stay away from the trendy, it will only take it away from you and leave you with nothing to show.”

The tribute to the future continues with Monica. I meet her this evening while enjoying a night out with my family.

Monica is one of those rare people that radiates happiness. Something I pick up on at first glance. So much so, I am even a little intimidated to interrupt her stride as she energetically walks past a shop window just a few yards from where my wife, daughter, and I are enjoying an after-dinner outing.

But even though I’m hesitant to approach her, my daughter urges me to say hello. This project really is becoming a family endeavor. It’s strange I should feel these jitters. I mean, I’ve found myself in much more sketchy situations, all without even cracking a sweat. Why tonight?

It’s 12am, my meeting with Monica hours behind me, and I am still examining the question of why I had the jitters. One thing comes to mind: There is something about Monica that makes me feel young, reflective of my life experiences. Not saying that I am over-the-hill, but her vitality forces me to pause for a moment of self-reflection to ask myself a question, “Have I really traveled the right path?”

It is impossible not to do a personal inventory while being in the presence of Monica’s energy. Meeting her takes me back to my beginnings, and the thought is a little overwhelming.

I’m happy to say that most of my energy of youth is still at core, it’s just a little weathered, but nowhere near extinguished. Actually, it’s on a high and I am going through a rebirth of sorts—how else can I commit to the task of still keeping my assignment work vibrant while continuing the 365 journey?

So as I conduct my mental inventory this night the answer to my earlier question of, “Have I really traveled the right path?” is a resounding, “YES-ABSOLUTELY!”

I’ve spoken often of the wisdom of youth. Monica is yet another cornerstone for the future: bright, articulate, and artistic.

A student of communications, she has set her career course. Speaking of art and youth culture, aspects like music, fashion, and lifestyle, she is a people person and is looking forward to a life in Public Relations.

What is striking about Monica, is her relaxed confidence. There is purpose in her eyes as she speaks her words of counsel.

To young people:

“Save your money. Invest it on classic things and your education. Stay away from the trendy, it will only take it away from you and leave you with nothing to show.”

To the older people (that’s me):

“It’s never too late.” (Amen to that!)

For all of us (I love this one), “Mac, not PC.”

Monica sees the brightness of the world. She talks about the power of music festivals and the people who attend them. “I’ll never miss one again. It’s amazing hanging with so many different people, all having fun camping and enjoying music.” As she tells me this, I see her mind gears turning. It’s more than the music, it is a life beat. An awareness of people, culture, and communication.

12:30am now. I think I’m getting closure to my jitters about speaking with Monica. It wasn’t nervousness, it was excitement and enthusiasm for what’s to come.

So a toast to all of us in raising our glasses high, it does not matter what our age…it’s never too late!”

Monica, thanks for the push (and yes, I’m a Mac person).

Day 321: Nothing is Impossible

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“Within fifty years, humans are going to be cross-engineered with machine and technology. We are going to become neo-human being type… half-human, half machine. But even if we don’t go that far, I think we will be able to have the processing power of computers within us.”

It’s so random how I run into people. And never knowing exactly what we will be talking about, there have been many unpredicted topics unveiled, and today proves to be a first.

At initial impression, a future prediction is put forth that seems as if pulled from the plot of a sci-fi film. But upon further examination, there are grounds to support the views of one of today’s very articulate new friends, Jorge, who with his girlfriend, Cindy, have accepted my reach-out as I depart from picking-up my daughter from her art school.

It’s very hot, but that does not stall us from taking time out of our schedules to grab the shade of an alley palm tree for a summer’s day chat away from the direct heat of the afternoon sun.

At first, both Jorge and Cindy share universal wisdoms that have been a constant all the way through 365.

Jorge: “It’s really important to follow your passion. And to be brave enough to leave whatever it is that is not making you happy. To go and find whatever it is you need to do. You know that one old adage,‘You don’t work a day in your life because you love what you are doing.’

“I’ve left jobs that I’ve had… in cubicles and stuff like that… and I’m following my passion.

“I’ve also heard from a few other friends, ‘Find something you love doing, even if at times it is not that fun doing it.’”

Cindy: “Do not focus on the negative, and just continue life in the positive. And accept any struggles in your life. They will help you. You will learn from them.”

All good council, and all words that we can never hear enough of.

Now to Jorge’s forecast: “Within fifty years, humans are going to be cross-engineered with machine and technology. We are going to become neo-human being type… half-human, half machine. But even if we don’t go that far, I think we will be able to have the processing power of computers within us.”

A dramatic proposal, one that shakes the literal foundation of many a faith or ignites critical bounce back from many a person.

But all through 365, I have campaigned for the development of a listening ear in all of us. And in doing so, the acceptance of the compassion required to not ignore, or react to, any one person’s outlook.

“Do not focus on the negative, and just continue life in the positive. And accept any struggles in your life. They will help you. You will learn from them.”

And in that same respect for Jorge, I do my due diligence. Two hours of Google search, reading scans of an endless list of references (some legit, other not so intriguing). I could have read for hours more, but in support of my very patient family, I must step away from the Google suck that is beginning to paralyze my physical self. Today, this is close enough to the virtual world for me.

What I uncover is the general label to the category of research on the matter of the brain, “Neuroscience.” The subcategory, “Brain Computer Interface.”

I know, the premise of living in a world of Avatars is a wild proposition. One that I must admit, frightens me a little.

But, for the sake of discussion, let’s step back a few hundred steps in asking, “Can computers exist in the heads of man, and if so, what would be the effect?”

The answer can be hailed up as a most modern aid to the loss of hearing. Namely, the Cochlear implant, a device that changed the life of teacher and writer, Michael Chorost, who after the implant of such a machine authored, Rebuilt: How Becoming Part Computer Made Me More Human (Houghton Mifflin, 2005).

I dig a little deeper into exploring yet another new scientific theory, “Controlled Human Evolution”–a big topic at a vast list of yearly conferences that attracts many a great scientific mind.

Again, I am uncertain of my acceptance of a man-altered being or of manipulating Mother Nature, but after uncovering the huge financial and resource investment in such science, it would be ignorant of me to quickly dismiss the premise that Jorge has presented.

Jorge envisions what society would be like with the technology he predicts, “There will be no more having to touch anything, we’ll be able to think it and send it to anyone—like an email. Kind of like a thought, but we’ll be able to send it anywhere around the world. A much more centered collective conscience where we can all think and absorb from one another.

“Hopefully, it will be a good thing. I know there are bad people, and they always end up hacking or doing bad things… some sort of virus or something… but hopefully, if we can control that, I think that will be our next level of consciousness, and we’ll be able to leave this state of mind. Maybe even go into a virtual world, and to change our looks on a daily basis. As long as we can embrace it in a positive light, it would be a good thing for us. And once we get past having to live off money, and eliminate all the greed… maybe we’ll be living off a bartering system.”

Cindy comments, “Humanity will not really exist because of greed. This world is fascinated with money too much. And I think it’s going to damage us as humans.”

Jorge wraps the discussion with a positive mind-set on the capacity of society, “I think we all have something inside us, where even if we don’t speak it to one another, we have some kind of a spiritual connection. Whatever it is that you believe in, there is something that binds us together.

“And if we all think positively, all that springs out to everyone else is good. Contrasting, when people start thinking negatively, everyone starts thinking negatively. Some may challenge me on that… and I don’t buy it. We need to think the positive stuff.”

Jorge, Cindy, you have definitely brought our attention to a very new topic. A pleasure having a sunny chat with you. Your points are thought-provoking.

Regardless of our opinions, science will continue to push the boundaries of our imagination, and in the words of Albert Einstein, “Nothing is Impossible.”

Day 81: United We Stand

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“Live life to the fullest. It is for living. Don’t be afraid to do things at the spur of the moment, by the seat of your pants. Let’s go! Let’s do it!”

Stage moms of the world, take note…here is one of the best!

Today I’m casting to create three families. Sounds easy, but it is quite a daunting task trying to find people not linked by blood to fit together as a believable family.

Almost two hundred people have visited us today (us, I have to give credit to my client and crew), and although it seems obsessive, we need to see many to form a cohesive looking family unit. Thankfully, it’s been a very smooth day and most of the people auditioning are very professional and cordial. They’ve done this drill a zillion times and know the routine.

Castings are quite revealing. I’m always a close study of human nature and keep a close eye, not only the actors, but the families and friends that accompany them, especially the youth talent.

As I am saying my hellos to the patient ones (if you have ever been to a casting, you know what I am talking about), I’m drawn to a certain mother and daughter. I am intrigued by the close way they communicate with each other. They are actually collaborating, something that is quite inspirational to see between a parent and teen actor. I have an eight-year-old actor, and although she is a wonderful and patient kid, when casting time hits, it can sometimes be a trial avoiding the dreaded, “I know Dad”! or “Mom, stop messing with my hair.” And know this, we are not pushing our daughter to get into the entertainment business. Quite the opposite. We are the farthest from being stage parents (another topic in itself).

So when I see the calm and loving waiting room relationship of Alyssa and her mother Ann, I must know their secret. I allow them time to finish their paperwork and upon the final pen stroke, I share a warm invite to 365.

Mom is a little surprised, but Alyssa chimes in, “Mom! Do it! You have great things to say!”

And soon I understand exactly what Alyssa is talking about. Ann is a great mom who is doing her part in modeling a wonderful path for her family.

Here are a few of Ann’s pointers on parenting…and from the self-esteem and happiness radiating from her sweet and talented daughter, I can only presume I am speaking to a well-adjusted family.

“Be silly and playful, but don’t paint life as a fairy tale. Teach them what is real, and the consequences of both good and bad choice.”

 

First off, Ann is brave, passionate about life, and incredibly optimistic.

“Live life to the fullest. It is for living. Don’t be afraid to do things at the spur of the moment, by the seat of your pants.” She elaborates with a personal call to action, “Let’s go! Let’s do it!”

Ann continues with the grace of a seasoned counselor, “If you take life too seriously, undue stress is the only result. You need to see life, not avoid it. Every day is an adventure, and every day is a day to better your life.”

I told you, Ann is pure optimism.

Sure we have heard this message over and over again during the last 81 days of 365. I expect we’ll hear it more as we progress. The interesting thing, it is continually delivered to us in different ways, by different people, in endless life situations. No matter rich, poor, sick or healthy, educated, or struggling, the message is there. And that alone is snapping me to attention.

What about parenting?

I ask Alyssa what she thinks of her mom’s life perspective. “Things are crazy sometimes, but I’m loving the experience and learning how to think and how to enjoy life. We were once at a wedding in San Luis Obispo, Mom says, ‘We’re almost to San Francisco. We have gas, a little money, and we have friends there to stay with, let’s go!’”

The results: “We had a great time and came together as a family. I love my mom.”

Came together as a family. I love my mom. How many of us parents thrive to hear these words from our kids.

So what! They travel, there’s got to be more… and there is.

Ann expounds:

“Don’t smother your kids, give them room to grow.”

“Let them make mistakes, how else will they learn?”

“Be vigilant. Talk to them from the minute they learn to speak and understand.”

“Be silly and playful, but don’t paint life as a fairy tale. Teach them what is real, and the consequences of both good and bad choice.”

“Give them rope, but be involved in guiding them”

“Be honest, communicate with them, and allow them to tell you anything without fearing that you will judge them.”

“And most powerful, teach them respect–for self, for each other (Alyssa has two siblings), for parents, and others.”

Alyssa is carefully listening to her mother’s council, all the while with a smile of acceptance glowing on her face. I redirect my query towards her, “What do you think of your mom’s words?”

“I totally agree! It is evident in my house. The fact that my mom loves us and dad is evident in our house. That makes the difference and affects us kids. I’ve rarely seen my parents fight, and if they do, it’s scarring. They respect each other and respect us. There is no way I will break that trust. Our house is filled with love.”

Ann contributes, “Disrespect is not tolerated. We have no yelling, no cussing, no pushing, no fighting, and “hate” is a word that does not enter our house. And I’m happy to say, all our kids get along.”

We close with these last words, “As parents, don’t fight, argue or contradict each other in front of your kids. Stay united, your actions can either divide or unite. If your kids see you divided, they do the same. It’s our responsibility as parents to set the tone.”

Day 229: It’s All About Balance

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It’s not often that one of our new friends takes the time to promptly email us their words. And today is just one of the instances. With that, it would be completely wrong for me to edit or rewrite in any way.

So without further delay, the written words of today’s stranger turned friend John.

“I think one of the things in life that we should seek out is a measure of balance. Now I believe there are many different avenues to attaining balance, but what I’ve found works for me is through maintaining positivity and having an understanding that we are not perfect but we as a people, are all in this life together, therefore we are united in a manner of speaking, despite our differences. And I think if we just make an effort to be good to each other and helping each other through this life, we can bring about many positive changes to ourselves, and everyone around us.

“However, I think we should also look to bring balance not only to ourselves, but to the world, and all other forms of life that have just as much of a right to be here as we do. We can get closer to bringing this balance by working together as opposed to competing with each other. The ideologies of competition, war, and authority are outdated and obsolete because technology has evolved to the point where those ways of thinking are no longer necessary. I think if we’re able to be responsible and use technology as a means to educate, create, and restore as opposed to impose and destroy, the possibilities for a brighter future for all people is a definite reality. And when we can focus on creating a future for our children and their children’s children, we are that much closer to finding balance.”

Day 517: …and to Be Seen

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“To truly love someone you need to truly see them for who they are. Honest, bare, and raw; and we need to be able to acknowledge the humanity in that; that we are all just as human and imperfect as the next person, and to feel a connection with it. That’s what love is.”

“…and to be seen,” quotes Terah, words that, after today, will radiate new meaning in the halls of my home.

Beautiful is an understatement in defining Terah. A model and loving mother, she has had her share of life. A dissolved marriage, the social stigmas placed on women working in the modeling world, and the general pressure that come from what society deems as beautiful. Yet, in meeting Terah, it is quickly apparent that her magic is more than skin deep. Terah is like any other person who truly cares about others.

Terah moves steadfastly within an industry that temps the boldest of narcissism. In her, a soulful self that glows past the external perceptions of trend or status, and towards questioning the worth of the individual.

“Individuals are important. Because of that, it is important to see the people around us… to see who they are, and to be seen. Connection with other people is what makes us all alive, and it’s what makes us know that we are alive.”

To be seen. A statement that with hasty reflection could quite possibly be viewed as self-serving, even self-promoting. But in the context of Terah’s wisdom, a much more edifying lesson can be gleaned. “To see the people around us. To see who they really are… and it’s what makes us know we are alive.”

All of us, alive! Living day-to-day in a world that never yields in classifying us into the confining boxes of them and us.

Terah advises, “I have to relate it to what we have to do individually,” she takes a long thoughtful pause, “we have to face our fears.

“As a culture, and even as an individual, I think that we need to find the freedom in being willing to look at something honestly in order for the answers to come. Unless we are willing to admit that an issue is an issue, or willing to take away the fear and look at it honestly, a solution can’t exist. We need to not be afraid of losing something, and we need to be honest about it in order for there to be freedom and openness in our relationships.”

Terah has hit the nail on the head. How many times do we find ourselves projecting the outcome to only find ourselves destroying the path? Could we possibly be using the wrong vernacular in shielding our inner fears behind facades of cultural difference, imposed stereotypes, and the agendas of, “I’m right,” and “you’re wrong”? Both positions leading not only to enraged opinions, but sadly, the segregation of life choices that make us the fascinating and adaptable species that we are—human, through and through. Or in Terah’s words, “…or are we too afraid of what might happen?”

I agree whole-heartedly. We fight the wrong wars. We rage at each other over different lifestyles and choices. We alter ourselves to protect our values and securities. All the while losing our child-selves in the chaos of walled visions of one another. We unanimously agree with our personal views, we persecute those who differ in their values, and as we do we discard the very thing that can heal and unite us—the simple fact that we are all equally human. Deserving of the same basic civil and human rights as the person next door, across the sea, or in the other church our party.

I ask Terah for her definition of love. She quotes, “To truly love someone you need to truly see them for who they are. Honest, bare, and raw; and we need to be able to acknowledge the humanity in that; that we are all just as human and imperfect as the next person, and to feel a connection with it. That’s what love is.”

Sure, I’m a romantic optimist. A claim that I will proudly wear until the day I die; but more important than my essays are the facts that have been endlessly rephrased to us for over four years of Operation-365. The words, the trust, and the actions of the 1000s of strangers whom we now call friends. The people of 365. Vast and diverse we are, and at the beginning of our works, we be.

The wonderment is upon us. We are a majority and, in our own ways, we feel the same. Together we are becoming a movement, and thanks to friends like Terah, friends like you, and like the many others who are bravely standing up to see one another and respect them as they are—never shall we forget our unified power.

Let us be seen my good friends!

Day 234: Pappy

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 “I used to have no remorse for anybody. I’d do anything, anytime… and with no questions. They called me Suicide. I’m not that person anymore.”

 “I used to have no remorse for anybody. I’d do anything, anytime… and with no questions. They called me Suicide. I’m not that person anymore,” Pappy introduces himself to me as he exposes the reason for his change of life, “You have to faith in God.”

An ex-rider from a serious bike gang, Pappy openly spends a few hours with me today as I run into him outside of a local grocery store.

“I was not a good man and have done a lot of things in my life that I regret. But now my life is very different. I will never go back to the way I was. And I am on the streets to protect people.”

Pappy tells me of his rebirth to society. “I remember leaving San Francisco, (he is referring to San Quentin) and coming home to Canoga Park (he even went to the same high school as my wife, played football there).

“I had two hundred dollars in my pocket and that was it. As many ex-cons do, I could have found a room for the night, got a few beers, and started the next day with nothing. Instead, I went to my parole officer. He greeted me with, ‘I thought you’d never make it!’”

Pappy tells me of the doubt that his parole officer had about his release. He even admits to breaking his parole on three occasions. Yet in this admission, Pappy also talks of his growth. “I committed to change my life. I got out of the gang and began the work to change my life. It was hard, but I did it.”

Pappy tells me of his battle with relapses to past behaviors and of the way he felt when he was in the depths of what he calls, “My days of no remorse.”

“I never want to feel that way again,” Pappy reminiscently expresses. A stark contrast to the tattooed tears he bears under eyes. And empowering his street earned wisdom is a tremendous spirit of empathy that veils the very atmosphere around him.

Pappy has made countless bad choices, something that he has no hesitations in discussing. “I made a lot of mistakes in life that put me in Arizona State Penitentiary for seventeen years and San Quentin for another two.”

“A few years ago I needed to make a phone call and I had no money. I asked a man in a white shirt and tie if he had a quarter to spare. He walked past me as if I was invisible.”

What is remarkable is the passionate focus Pappy carries in his revitalized life-quest for doing whatever he can to help those around him. He tells me a story: “A few years ago I needed to make a phone call and I had no money. I asked a man in a white shirt and tie if he had a quarter to spare. He walked past me as if I was invisible. A year later I was walking down the same street and I ran into the same man again. This time he was dirty, scared, and homeless. I recognized him, and he recognized me. At first, he did not approach me, so I asked him if he was alright. ‘I’m hungry and don’t know where I will get food,’ he said. I showed him where to eat and gave him five bucks. I carried no anger for the way he treated me the first time I met him. I was more concerned for his safety.”

Pappy shares other accounts of his change of perspective away from self and toward others–far too many to write, but I can paraphrase as a whole. Bottom line… most of the local stores, police, fire stations, and his community of homeless know Pappy well. In Pappy’s words, “They used to fear me, now they are my friends.”

Friends who have helped to shelter, feed, warm, and watch out for Pappy since realizing that he is a changed man.

As verified in quoting his parole officer, who when Pappy completed his final parole time said, “When I first met you, I was pretty sure you would not make it, you proved me wrong.”

Pappy takes only partial credit for his accomplishment in returning to society. “I could not have done it on my own, first I give credit to God, but I really need to give much credit to pastor John, he saved me.

“When the pastor first met me, I was not living the way I knew I needed to live. Pastor John never judged me, he never worried about what I would do, and with no questions asked, he reached out to me, trusting me to work as security for his church, door keys and all.”

A trust that to this day Pappy is committed to value in never breaking.

“I no longer care for myself only,” Pappy testifies, “and even if you treat me wrong, I’m still going to treat you with respect.”

The feeling I get as I speak with Pappy is just as he states. Even standing in the fading light of his church’s parking lot (we have since taken a walk from our grocery store meeting place) there is not a second that I feel in harm’s path. Quite the opposite actually, for I am absolutely positive my back is being watched. Pappy is just that kind of guy as evidenced by the caring waves from the cars of departing members of the congregation.

Pappy proclaims of his relationship with God, “Everything I think… he knows.

“This is the first time in my life I have had peace. You see, for most of my life I was looking for acceptance anywhere I could get it. But now I realize that what I was really looking for was love.

“I know that God loves me, and because of that, I want to do the best I can to love others.”

And it is this love, as well as Pappy’s regained respect for others, that has led him on the path to forgiveness, of himself, for others, and an active voice in his sincere desire to be forgiven.

“I’m OK living on the streets. I have a car (earned $1,600 dollars to purchase it by collecting cans) and my dog. For now, that is good enough for me. It’s a roof over my head and I count my blessings.

“I do not fear any longer. When I hear a siren behind me I don’t jump. They aren’t after me. And that feels good,” Pappy radiates.

“The world is basically going down the drain,” Pappy soberly councils. “The rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and the sick… sicker. The homeless need to look out for each other, and that is why I am here.”

Pappy is an iconic example of man’s ability for life change. A life changed away from crime, vice, and selfishness. And a man who has earned the chops in understanding what he must do to continue the works he has committed his life to.

He leaves us with a quote as he walks me home in the darkness of the night, “Trust only God, and never let your guard down.”

Pappy, we’ll talk again… my friend