#sidewalkghosts

Day 578: Thomas Kozlowski – A Guide Helping Us To Soar!

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“I've suffered a lot in my life, But I now understand how beautiful it is that we can be part of nature. I've learned that you never know what the story of the person you're talking about or talking with is...”

Citizens of the planet he calls us as he introduces the earth as our house. And as I view him as a hero… I know the title is one he would shrug away from. But I’ll throw it anyway, and leave it for you to make the final call. 

Thomas Kozlowski is his name, and after spending almost two hours ingesting his story and love for humanity, I feel it best to simply turn the stage to him.

“Our task is just to care about others, you know… Just like you care about your child or you care about your friends or you care about yourself. So if we are one… we are oneness. I skydive for people and, you know, to save lives. I cannot imagine anything better.

Of course, it’s not easy. It’s really difficult because people say I’m crazy, and a lot of people criticize me that I don’t care about my family. That I have to stay alive and have a stable job. All that kind of stuff. But I think if someone is telling you that I’m behaving like a kid because I want my dreams to come true, I tell them my dream:

My dream is just to make people happy. And also, that we respect each other.”

He explains his views on happiness and even suggests his big why.

“I was in the Communistic Army. It was compulsory. It was a very important moment in my life because then I had the chance to realize that someone can be pushed down by a system—by someone who got higher than you. I now understand what freedom means.

You can be CEO or the lowest person in the structure, but there is no reason for you to not be respected. You can be stronger than you than me. But I am not weaker than you.

I’ve suffered a lot in my life, But I now understand how beautiful it is that we can be part of nature. I’ve learned that you never know what the story of the person you’re talking about or talking with is. Everyone is battling cycles of the head and the inside of life. I’ve got this in my mind that every one of us carries our own cross like Jesus Christ was wearing. And every one of us has heavy stuff. And that’s what I’m looking for. But it’s okay that this person is happy. It’s like when you say we all have the time to be happy, it doesn’t means that nothing is wrong. So this is where I think it’s not that happiness is being all happy all the time. I’m happy when I’m jumping, and it’s just for me. Of course, the most important for me is the happiness of my family and a good future for my kids.

Happiness? Yeah, It’s peace of mind. And if you want to be happy, there must be a reason. So it means that in life, or to God, or wherever will give us that reason, we all can find a reason to be happy. And if we’re feeling bad or depressed, we can still find our happiness. But you know, I would never be able to do my project without the suffering I’ve been through, and without understanding what it means.

It’s no matter if you’ve suffered because of the lack of a roof over your head, or depression, or I don’t know—and I don’t want people to suffer—I want people to be happy Why not?”

I ask more about his why for doing Jump For The Planet.

Support Thomas

“We are not identifying with the planet. We identify with our home, with the fencing around our home, with our neighborhood, and maybe the city, or the country. But that’s the worse thing we can do with ourselves. That’s when we build the borders.”

“We are not identifying with the planet. We identify with our home, with the fencing around our home, with our neighborhood, and maybe the city, or the country. But that’s the worse thing we can do with ourselves. That’s when we build the borders.

When you think about skydiving as a metaphor for life and cooperating with nature in the freefall, that’s when you know you are in control. You can feel every move and every breath of oxygen. And if you’ve got the experience, you know the best solution is to do and not seek. Then your freefall is very, very stable—and you see how tough you are.”

He tells me about his book.

“I called the book, “The Story of a Thousand Fears” because I was so afraid when I did the highest jump in Europe with my friends.

It was really important in my life because I realized it’s okay to be afraid. So I tell everyone, don’t be afraid to be afraid. It’s just human nature, and I know on the other side of the fears is where you find the best things in your life—and because I was afraid of skydiving, too, it makes me know when I’m going into a plane with someone I tandem with, that I’m blessed to have the opportunity to jump with someone for their first time. It’s amazing to take someone on this journey and show them how strong they are. To show how beautiful this Earth is. I feel a kind of calmness.’

“We can create a new generation that cares about the planet. We have to. Or the other choice, we ruin the planet. Because it’s not that we are giving the Earth to the other generation, we are borrowing it.”

Thomas, when you look at the stars at night, what do you see? I ask.

“You know, it’s just a matter of perspective. And I think we’ve got the problems we have because we have no access to the bigger perspective. And it’s not only the philosophical perspective, it’s also the physical perspective.

This is our home. I mean, this rock floating in space is our house. You know, we’ve got cracks in the walls and its roof is on fire. And we just don’t care about this. We’re saying it’s okay that the fire is in the bedroom and we’re staying in the living room so everything is fine. But, oh no, it’s not fine. And, this is why I jump for the planet—because we are on the only planet we have.

Everything is here. So from this perspective, we are just one organism. In my opinion, our life on this planet is part of the organism— and it is all a living creature.

So, when I’m watching up there in the sky at night, I’m looking for some deep meaning of our being here because it’s this life that is such a beautiful thing—why I wish to know that there is a reason we came here.

I want us to understand we are just a small part of this nature. That this is a small planet Earth. And that’s why I’m jumping for the planet. So, this is my reason to be here as we all hang onto this small rock. And this is not my idea.”

Not my idea, Thomas delicately hints. And after spending only a few hours in his presence, I am convinced he desires no glory. For in his concern for our world, and as he shares the details of his history with me, he suggests a power far beyond the mortal beings we are, and in that responsibility, he concludes by looking at the future to come.

“We can create a new generation that cares about the planet. We have to. Or the other choice, we ruin the planet. Because it’s not that we are giving the Earth to the other generation, we are borrowing it.”

Thomas, I know you will fight me as I refer to you as a hero. You are way too caring and gracious to accept. But you need to know that in the heart of this blogger, today you are mine. And to all of us, please support his efforts at www.jumpfortheplanet.com.

Oh, and one last note. We are not done getting to know today’s stranger-now-friend, Thomas. In the next few weeks, I’ll be releasing a podcast to share more of his light.

Talk soon, my good friends!

With warmth and gratitude,

Richard

Day 575: Toward The Constant

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I’m feeling poetic and romantic this day, and rightly so, for as the snow falls outside, and wearing my favorite turtleneck sweater, I cozy up to my keyboard—and in honoring the theme of this month, I reflect on a very personal topic: Motherhood. I turn within as I continue to ponder my big why.

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TRANSCRIPT
I’m feeling poetic and romantic this day, and rightly so, for as the snow falls outside, and wearing my favorite turtleneck sweater, I cozy up to my keyboard.

And in honoring the theme of this month, I reflect on a very personal topic: Motherhood. I turn within as I continue to ponder my big why.

Often I speak of vulnerability. Reference the value we each have as the individuals we are. Thoughts that, as I struggle with what to say in this narrative, prompt me to reflect on the 1000s of strangers I now call friends. Inspired to think about the last decade and the diversity of opinions, revealed histories, and heartfelt moments that have been trusted to me… And yes… beyond humbled I am.

I think of the attacks I’ve bore regarding my beliefs, my observations, and at times, my very existence. But even in those, I see a catalyst to not just better understanding myself; but more importantly, to better understand those who have expressed vengeance toward me.

You see, we are all a most imperfect species… and although highly intelligent, able to express emotions at their fullest, and gifted with the power to reason, why is it that somehow we still find ways to diminish our own worth, or to point the finger.

Yet, in it all can be found one unavoidable constant that began us: The fact we were all born from a bleeding womb, and passing out of it, we all took the first breath of living our lives.

Then comes all the stuff. The seeking the perfect place, moment, or that craved acceptance for who we are. And to that, mix in a little society, some long-developed culture, and the spice of religion—and before we know it, we can easily feel as if… we don’t measure up. The mirror of our own reflection pixelated as we spend our lifetimes working to tighten the spaces. Our whys, when’s, and who’s shifting in and out of focus as we make both good and terrible choices.

Yet back to the constant, I’m pulled—and no matter what angle I look at it from, or how I deal with my own junk—she is always dead center and there: The mother who birthed me, and in that, a first breath I can’t remember.

We add our God… our views of where we are going… our needs in how we live, and the sugar on top, the whys we seek. We explore the meaning of faith and as we do, we quest— feel ecstasy and agony as we process whispers from inside and out.

The whys morph to who’s, hows, what’s, and when’s. Yet, in reality, we are all on a similar journey. Traveling to an end where we desire an ultimate peace— the knowledge that our existence mattered.

And yes, again, the first breath inhales… as with eyes closing and hearts questioning… we transition. The gates to that resting place closer as we lean into the face of why we were here.

And Once more… yes: This human walk is indeed a beautiful thing. A gift we have each received—regardless of our outlook, our attraction, our race, religion, or culture.

In the center of it all, she sits. The conceiver who brought us into this complex world, the mothers who carried us.

Out of her body, we emerged, and whether her choices were good or bad in how she nurtured, we must honor the gift she has bestowed on us…

…The snow banks are depending, as inside a warm home, I take refuge. My own 97-year-old mother upstairs, as dementia and bedridden, and myself still working to resolve my upbringing, I shed a tear. For imperfect she was… and still is. But as I lift her 75 pounds to the wheelchair that moves her, and to all of us looking at the mothers who made us, a closing set of thoughts come to my heart. Perhaps reflections we can each apply to the persons we are becoming: Simply… Thank you mom… or if strangled by injustices of the past, a most powerful healer: Forgiveness.

So it is to the women and mothers of the world, I take pause. And as I do, may we all do the same as we unite in a shared tribute, for without you, we would not exist.

 

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Day 573: Your Authentic Self

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“One of the most interesting things for me about growing up—was becoming a mother...”

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So here I am, sitting at my desk, reviewing tasks completed and those I still have to do. Perhaps, a ritual we all do as our lives, work, and play expand and contract. Sometimes we end days on highs, and others, not so much. Yet in each, and if looked at optimistically, lessons are learned as we consider our futures and contemplate our big whys.

Why the sentimental intro? You might ask. Well, I re-learned another lesson today—one that directly links to the very reasoning behind why I do my part in growing our community.

An inventory that prompts me to flashback to the wisdom of a stranger-now-friend I met years ago, but her message still lives in my heart.

And similar to this days ending, my meeting her started from a place like where I sit now. Here is the account in retrospect:

5:00 pm: I peeled myself from my desk, redirected by a nagging subconscious away from what I perceived as the day’s priorities. You know, those quiet thoughts that dwell in the background of what we agonize as our have-to-do’s.

5:15 pm: The little voice in my mind has directed me to Warner Park. I’ve been here before, and have even made a few friends here. But today’s whisper feels more direct than ever. If there is one thing the project has taught me, it is to acknowledge that little thing we call intuition. We all have it, but the question to ask ourselves is, do we follow it?

5:20 pm: I park the car, and as I do, I notice two women walking towards me on the sidewalk. Something pushes me to approach them. Okay, this could be a creepy guy moment. I ready myself for rejection. For to ignore my first impression would only leave me questioning my motives. You see, I have promised myself (and you) that I will not profile whom I approach. Pledged to raise my chin to the world and reach out to all I lock eyes with.

5:21’sh pm: With business card in hand, Hi, I’m Richard… I’m a photographer and filmmaker—I explain my blog project.

I’m stopped mid-sentence as Roshan and her friend shut me down, “We know you!”

I’m shocked and a little worried. You do! I wobble.

“Yea, a while back you interviewed my friends (Project-365 Day 93 / “The Trail Is Our Therapy”). Remember them. You met them on the hiking trail at the top of Victory.”

Wow! Yes, I totally remember them. Great couple. Loved talking with them.

We open a conversation.

That lesson I spoke of earlier: That listening to our intuition thing. Perhaps the more we practice hearing it, the more in tune we can become with the world around us. A premise that today is being proven by Roshan and her friend. For in a city of millions, it is possible for the paths of strangers to unite on common, maybe even inspired ground. The skeptics might lean on premises like six degrees of separation or other similar theories. But for me, the idea is much simpler—Just trust what you feel, and if inspired by the whispers of your heart, simply have the courage to speak with each other in the face-to-face world. I’ll leave it at that.

Talk tomorrow my good friends—and Roshan… your words have smitten us,

Richard

Day 572: More Than Forensics

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The world needs more women leaders, who not only can lead but have the strength to look beyond the external.

I’m sitting here waterlogged—rained in, and landlocked in the Utah rurals. To be exposed, feeling somewhat frustrated by isolation brought on as I look at soaked windows and a clock striking 4:52 P.M.

You see, It’s not an easy thing meeting strangers in my new neck of the woods. The streets are sparse in on the cold days. So I write this entry as a journaled attempt to throw my invite at the source beyond myself. Not knowing if my fingers on the keyboard, in some strange way, will direct me to tell the story of today’s why.

I’m staring at the screen now, locked as I passively rifle through my Facebook friends and contact list. Even tossed a couple of LinkedIn connections in looking for anyone who would last-minute speak with me. But so far, it’s all dead ends… Sigh!

5:06— family dinner in 30 minutes, and with my daughter home, one I’d like to be part of—for as I expected in committing to this challenge, my personal time is becoming so very limited.

I’ll look at my contact list again…

My Buddy Matt calls. He tells me about a friend of his with a story to share—a definite stranger to me, but not for today. We begin small talking… my phone rings:

5:25 P.M

A stranger of the past and a person I’ve not spoken to for years: Ph. D of Psychology, Forensic Psychologist, and three-time author, Dr. Susan Ashley. And as she grabs her food order at In-and-Out, we set up a time to chat. Friends, please stand by…

8:23 P.M

Wow! 45 minutes of deeply rewarding conversation—way too much to write as this evening comes to an end. So in respect to Susan and you, I’ll be sharing a full release of the topics we covered tomorrow.

But as a teaser, I’ll share this highlight: The world needs more women leaders, who not only can lead but have the strength to look beyond the external.

We’ll address the whys in the next post.

Dear Susan, thank you for listening to the silent voice.

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 571: Extinguished

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I could have lashed out. Chested up with a set of you’re wrongs, or perhaps have shut him off by leaving the scene. But as I looked at him, it was apparent he was living a troubled life. So, I asked more about him.

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Day 570: Hold On

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A spokesperson for the gifts we each have to offer, Musical Artist Brooke White defines a word that can resolve the pains we bear…

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Day 569: Tov Meod

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“I know that's been proven to be something that substantially adds to life in a positive way. I mean, obviously, you have your extreme negatives, which are also very true and very varied. But I believe that those give a really solid basis for life in general."

There is a chill in the air and the streets are barely populated. But still, here and there people walk. Some with chins down, others with faces up, and on this Saint Patric’s day, several covered green in celebration.

Loud noise pulses out the doors as I pass the Irish pub. A sound I intake several times as I circle the downtown area.

At a corner, a group of women and I wait to cross the street. Then, as a souped-up offroad truck honks as it rips past intersection traffic, I turn to them, ‘well that proved a lot.’

They politely acknowledged me, and then return to their conversation.

The crosswalk sign lights up and feeling a little awkward, I overcompensate by trying to engage in conversation. I even passed them a RadstoneBLOG business card. But as the short block begins to feel like a mile, and as the embarrassment settles in, I find my out—a wide commuter alley to my side. I veer right.

Past the man steam-cleaning the sidewalk, over a few covered construction holes, and toward the next block I stroll. Then left.

Behind me, they match my pace. Three guys of dubious appearance, they heighten my street awareness. Half a block down, I tweak my head to the left as I straddle the curb. With about two yards of space between them and me, I zig-zag a little. Want to see if they’re tracking me as I plan a defense (Just in case). Two drop away, and at the intersection, I face the last one off.

“Do you have a couple of dollars?” He asks.

‘For what?’ I respond. My back to the busy road, I directly face him.

“Cigarettes.” He explains, “the store up the street has a good price.”

Inside my responsive thought, ‘Wrong answer.’ Outside, and in prescribing to the take a breath soapbox I always share, I instead ask for his name. “I’m Mike,” he smiles. “But my friends call me Pixie.” A nickname synonymous with Amphetamines as well as Webster’s definition of mischievous.

The traffic signal changes, and as I cross the street, I wish Mike a good day. “Take it easy” he gives his farewell with a verbal gesture. “I can’t find my friends.”

‘If I run into them, I’ll let them know you’re looking,’ I leave the scene.

I walk on. Again dissolve into the sidewalk traffic. Cool, I can be a little poetic here: One in a world of Sidewalk Ghost.” 🙂

For a couple more blocks I interact with a few more people, and in each, the non-verbal brush-offs are very apparent. But it’s not my first rodeo, I’ve had much worse. Yet still, it looks like this afternoon walkabout is going to be a full strikeout. Then I run into her, or should I say, she drew me in—It’s crazy how this so often happens.

Her name: Saffron—Her occupation: Anthropologist— Her joy: Motherhood, as on her chest, protected, and warmed in a covered baby carrier is her newly born boy. Asleep as we begin a brief conversation.

A recent relocate to Salt Lake City, she and her husband migrated to be close to family and in search of work.

Reflective in her views of the big why Saffron draws us toward a universal consideration:

“My personal why is that we’re just continuing on with life and now is so good; and believing in growing a higher power, right?

I know that’s been proven to be something that substantially adds to life in a positive way. I mean, obviously, you have your extreme negatives, which are also very true and very varied. But I believe that those give a really solid basis for life in general.”

She expresses her faith as a Christian, and adds, “It influences how I interact with people too.”

Those of you who have been with me know that I am a baptized Jew. For you who are just meeting me—a warm hello. And for all of us of the varied faiths that we are, please know that RadstoneBLOG and Sidewalk Ghosts are safe place for all perspectives and beliefs to meet. For, I believe in the diversity of our outlooks can be found a place where the fountains of empathy can flourish—that is, as we open our hearts and minds toward caring about one another. Okay, I’ll jump off the soapbox.

“Something I can say that’s impactful for me is, recognizing we each have strengths and weaknesses, and that might not look like the woman next to you, and that’s perfectly fine. Just remember that life is hard, and it’s okay to ask for help. There is a Hebrew term called Tov Meod, which means very good…”

I ask, ‘in the perspective of an Anthropologist, is there a different way you would answer the why?’

She quietly thinks for a moment, then responds: “When you look at cultures across the world, I see a lack of the ability to accept a higher power that’s extremely unusual. Belief in a higher power is actually a commonality within all people groups. Monotheistically and across the board there is this agreement: There is a spiritual realm, and that is required.

“‘So within this, it can be similar, or it can be drastically different. Some people will say, ‘oh, it’s the exact same.’ But if you compare Islam to Judaism to Christianity, they are extremely ideologically, and theologically different. But they do agree on the premise of we are created, we are here for a reason. And it’s not just to live and die.'”

Wow! I love how Saffron wraps up today’s why.

At first vulnerable in sharing her faith—then in an academic sense allows us all the freedom to live by the dictates of our belief systems.

In all, challenges us to look at our version of good. To ponder forward in the reality of our mortal timelines. All of it points to a notion with the reach to unify many: In her words, “we are each here for a purpose.”

And per that purpose, I transition to the question of the month, ‘Saffron, What would you like to share with other women out there?’

“Something I can say that’s impactful for me is, recognizing we each have strengths and weaknesses, and that might not look like the woman next to you, and that’s perfectly fine. Just remember that life is hard, and it’s okay to ask for help. There is a Hebrew term called Tov Meod, which means very good.

And I think that as a woman, it’s really easy to not feel as though our lives have value and are more than good. But in reality, they are very good. If we were to strip this concept down to the very basics of good and bad. It’s that duality that tends to be a constant, and not necessarily what people designate as good or as bad. But putting that concept into a modern framework—To be considered good is basically to be provided with honor and dignity that a lot of people do not give. And if that is coming from a higher entity, there is no other higher honor, and it makes life a lot easier to live and grow: Tov Meod.

Saffron, you saved me from two hours of feeling unseen. Lifted me as you allowed me into your life for a moment. And in hope that your words of wisdom might strike us all, I express my gratitude for your trust. In another Hebrew term: For the Mitzvah you have extended to us all.

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

Day 568: “Legacy” – A Tribute to the Loving Daughters of the World

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Today I sit on the foot of my mother’s bed—her 97-year-old body now a mere 75 pounds. Dementia minded and almost crippled from age, she finds comfort in 5×7 photos framed on the endtable beside her. In each, black and white photographic memories of life with a husband she adored. And as I struggle to balance the love I have for her with the frustration of my family being her sole caretaker, a stranger-now-friend of lifts my heart.

Listen To Her Story

She ask to be anonomous, for that’s the kind of person she is. As in her countenance can be found no desire for fanfair, and in her heart a deep love for a departed father. She inspires us toward goodness.

Through her listening eyes and seeing mind she advocates for no self-gain or grandeur. Credits her most humble outlook to the pained past and nurturing courage of goodly parents. Her very presence blossomed from seeds planted by a father, who in his own life had first hand witness the worst of what humankind can do. She is grounded. Transparent, as welcoming me into her life, I was overwhelmed by her love for the value of human life. And as we talked of the fragility this living experience extends to each of us, she entrusted me in seeing the torch that flamed her legacy. And as she did, I re-imagined not only my own life, but saw a fire of hope that I pray burns into the hearts of us all.

In her words, “It’s the here and now that matters, and don’t spend your life wasting it away on insignificant things that aren’t going to mean anything in the end. The only thing we can be left with is the imprint we leave on someone to help them or make them feel better.”

And as we listen to her story, might we all pause to look toward the elderly, those we love, and even ourselves—and as we do, to feel past the struggles and accomplishments behind and in front of us. And from there, to distantly unifiy in recognizing the value of one another.

Yes, she asked me to keep her identity unknown—but to hide the message she has to share with us would be a great diservice to us all. So it is on this International Month of Women’s History, and in tribute to her as well as all the loving daughters out there, I give thanks to an unnamed woman who has uplifted us this day.

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

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Day 567: Eat More Sugar

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“When you look at the impact people have had on you, whether it's a stranger, or a friend, or family member, especially—like—at funerals... It's a really great time to reflect and think of how that person lived, and all the little things: It just matters.”

After 15 years of neglecting my muscles, I’ve finally done it—committed to hitting the weight room. I admit, not a fun proposition at first. But after looking at a few dated photos, remembering my pumped-up thirties, and imagining the rush of a past where I pushed 65s on the flys, I submit to the less than 30 pounds I can now swing.

So here I am, taking my between-set breaths while looking at the ceiling fans—doing all I can to honor proper gym etiquette:

Be friendly in appearance, manage the B.O., disinfect wipe what you’ve used, and by all means, hold the chatter down. For if you are not careful, you can quickly become that creepy person. Especially if you approach the opposite sex.

I finish my third set. Test my (to be transparent) now flabby abs as I sit up to rack the dumbells. But before I stand I notice her. With perfect form and working to the right of me, earbuds in place, she focuses on her arms. I glance away. There is no way I want to be profiled as the creepy dude by seeming like I’m staring.

Yet, I could not ignore the feeling, nor the draw, that was overwhelming me. There was just something radiating from her. And leaning back into the process of learning to trust the little voice inside me, and from the safe distance of where I lifted, I listened.

Excuse me and please forgive me. I hope I don’t sound like the gym weirdo I introduce myself. She allows me to share a quick description of RadstoneBLOG and Sidewalk Ghosts. And I have to tell you, with a room full of exercising people, and knowing the space-invading risk I was taking, I was shaking inside.

Her eyes became alive, a confirmation of the trust I placed in the whisper that asked me to reach out to her. And as you read on in receiving the gift of meeting today’s stranger-now-friend, Julie, I hope and pray you are strengthened by what she teaches.

I ask her the big why: If you look at your life or the world around us—at everything that’s going on for better or worse? However you want to answer, and in your perspective? Positive or negative? Whatever you feel is okay to share. What is your why?

“Because it matters. I think that for every individual—because they have a purpose on this earth, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s a grand scale where you see people with millions of followers, or if they have a multimillion-dollar business, or it’s the sweet neighbor next door that gives you a smile when you’re walking your dog. It all matters, and we’re all connected.

And I think it’s easy to kind of downplay our individual impact on others. But when you look at the impact people have had on you, whether it’s a stranger, or a friend, or family member, especially—like—at funerals… it’s a really great time to reflect and think of how that person lived, and all the little things: It just matters.

As long as you can hold on to that, you’ll find either a deeper why for now or the beginnings of finding the why that keeps you going. The stuff that gets you up in the morning and points you away from doing the mundane things. Because you know, it’s all serving the greater purpose for humanity.”

I’m bewildered. The pull I felt in first seeing her confirmed by the wisdom and power of her why.

She tells me more of her life story:

 

“I struggled with depression. I struggled with an eating disorder for 20 years. And I felt like I didn’t matter! It didn’t matter!”

“I didn’t feel that way for a long time. I struggled with depression. I struggled with an eating disorder for 20 years. And I felt like I didn’t matter! It didn’t matter!

I felt like I had to do something big and grand to matter. And as I did my own healing, I came back to myself and asked, do I like myself? Do I love myself? Am I happy with what I’m doing?

I found the answer that we each are special unique individuals, and we all have a purpose. And coming back to who you are, and what’s right for you, does impact others in the way it’s supposed to. And as soon as you get out of you’re trying to please everybody, or doing what so-and-so says, or mimicking so-and-so, you lose your impact, or you’re limiting someone else’s impact.

Every person has a unique special gift or talent. And coming back to that thought, and using it, just made me happy. It made me realize that I do have a purpose. And whether it’s with my family or strangers, I feel like I’m in contact with who I am and why I do what I do. And that’s enough to make me happy.”

I upscale the question as, looking at the fitness community that surrounded us, a premise enters my mind:

When I think about external beauty and body perfection, I question if beauty and attraction are external. A thought that troubles me as I reflect on what often I see on social media, take in peer pressure, navigate the gossip, deal with comparisons, and to be vulnerable, look at my hidden insecurities.

What is your take on this statement? I ask her.

“Yeah, absolutely,” her posture and spirit alive, Julie leans forward. “I’ve been there. I had a time when my focus was all esthetics and it was crushing my soul. I was nonstop thinking about my body, myself, and how other people perceive me. I was miserable. But as soon as I turned inward and started working on the inside-stuff-out, and not the outside-stuff-in, my life came together. It really works that way, and I think it helps the comparison and the competition go away.

You’re less judgmental, you’re more compassionate, you’re more patient, more understanding, and you look at others like they have their own unique gifts. That they have their own unique struggles.

We’re all in this human experience, and you don’t have to agree on everything. You don’t have to be the same for you—and you don’t have to be the same to have a connection with someone else.”

Like I said, Julie has a lot to teach us. Her outlook all so optimistic—and grounded by the depression and body shaming of her past, I feel she has the credentials to offer her opinions. Yet, I have to ask the hard question:

Julie, what do you do when you look at someone who is horribly hurting, have to deal with the pain that someone else has inflicted on you, or process events that are impossible to find a resolution for?

“Well, I definitely have those experiences and I don’t think it’s easy. And I don’t know that there’s one way to do it for me. I’ve done a lot of Buddhist philosophy, and it’s helped me kind of let go of attachment to things. It’s helped me just be, and it helped me to accept the fact that sometimes we’re not going to get the apology we want. But I’m not going to let that affect the rest of my life.

You know, I can wish that person the best, understand that they’re only capable of giving me what they have learned. And that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, or it’s not hard. But it does help to let go of the hatred and release the hold that makes you want them to see what they did to you. And it gives you permission to just let them go—let them be—and to focus on the things that bring joy and happiness. To just accept that was a situation you can learn from. And that you can let it go and move on.”

I shift gears. Put the responsibility on us in making an observation. The idea that, in every interaction, we are leaving a footprint. For better or worse, our words and deeds do affect others. And heaven knows, I’ve put my foot in my mouth so very many times. So to any of you I’ve offended—please accept my apology. And per how real those interactions are, Julie shares a story.

“‘My oldest daughter has autism, and we go to church every Sunday, and it was just exhausting and awful. I go to church to feel better and connected to community and God. And I was not feeling that at all. I got to a point where I’m, like, I’m done, I’m not coming. And I was out in the hallway with her and a lady came up and said, ‘Oh, I love your daughter, would you mind if I take her on a walk while you go back to class?’ And I was just floored. I’m like, You would do that for me? ‘Oh, yes.’ And so she did that every Sunday. That was something she wanted to do to serve me. And it made all the difference in my spiritual growth and my belief in the goodness of people.

Knowing I can do this, I can raise her. I have a community. I have people who care, and who will reach out, and I don’t have to do it alone. So it’s just those simple things. Whether it’s a smile or an offering to serve someone else, you never know the impact to have. And that’s cool.'”

“To women, please give yourself that same compassion and grace that people will love you for who you are. You don’t have to hold who you are back. And that’s okay!”

I have one last ask for Julie. In support of International Women’s History Month, is there anything you would say to the women of the world?

“So my first thought is to go to what I do for a living as a personal trainer. I see so many women not living their full potential because of the way their body looks. Spending so much mental energy on counting calories and what do I weigh? Or I can’t go to this? Or I can’t speak at this? I can’t reenroll in school! I can’t go for this promotion until I lose weight!

I wonder if cancer could have been cured because a woman wasn’t focused on all of that. All the things that women are capable of. But our culture kind of holds us back where you’re supposed to be skinny and pretty… not too skinny and pretty… you know… just right.

I guess my advice would be: Don’t wait! Don’t wait for whatever you think weight loss, or body, is going to give you. You already have that within you. Go for the dream! Go for whatever you’re being pulled towards, and don’t let what others are thinking about your body stop you! Because that is not who you are! That’s not the purpose of your body. And that’s not why you’re here!

I’ll always say to prioritize internal over external. Prioritize how you feel. Even just with the simple things like your workouts and how you eat. If you’re focused on how you feel, the external will take care of itself. Your body has a natural weight. It has natural things that will settle if you create a lifestyle that you’re happy with, and that you’re good with that understanding. Again, why?

Why have a body? Bodies change? Right? So if you’re super focused on trying to look 20 for the rest of your life, you’re missing out on all the amazing experiences that come when you’re 50, 60, or 70. Because you feel like something’s wrong with you for aging. But that’s just a natural thing.

Think of the people you love: I love my mom, and I don’t care what she weighs, or what I see. I love her because of how I feel about her and the things she does. So to women, please give yourself that same compassion and grace that people will love you for who you are. You don’t have to hold who you are back. And that’s okay!”

I sit taking in all that Julie has shared. Quietly, and in the background, look at my own demons, joys, experience, and vices. And as we wrap our time together, I am compelled by a comical yet truly relevant jest that pops to mind.

You see, my vice is sugar. I’m completely addicted! Seriously, my body, energy, and sleep are all screwed up because of it. But here is the twist. Just as sugar is all around us, and for me even toxic, could the example of its pull be reformatted? Turned to a relevant and compassionate call to action?

A motivation to view the world in terms of sugar consumption as we live out both the best and worst of what it deals to us. Yet, in viewing this sweetener as a metaphor for life, perhaps the end result will not be weight gain or sickness. But rather, the knowledge of how far the fullness of our experiences, our inner selves, and our dreams can reach. And in that, the strength and wisdom that can grow by simply taking it all in.

Julie, thank you for excepting my weight room reach out, and for the all-so-welcomed confirmation of how we should be loving ourselves.

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

Day 561: I’d Lay Down My Life For Her

by

“That's when my fear kicked in—what if I lost my wife, and the child she was carrying? And what if I had to return to our kids and say, Mommy's not here?”

It might sound overly spiritual, or perhaps too soulful, or maybe even zen, I share as I invite him to offer his insight—as at the end of a business Zoom, I place my voice recorder to the speaker.

I live by intuition, I further explain as I reveal my motivation and purpose. And as he accepts my in-the-moment request to answer the big why I felt it fair to give him a little background.

I never know exactly what I am going to write. I just sit at the keyboard and go. Tell him how the chapters of RadstoneBLOG seem to be driven by something beyond me. That my job is to do all I can to let go of any preconceptions. To simply drop my walls, and then listen to the quiet and small voice that lives around and inside of me.

And to all of you, the many strangers-to-be-friends. I share this vulnerability in hope that somehow it honors today’s strangers-now-friend: Kyle.

“Everyone has a story and it’s not until you’re authentic, honest, and willing to expose that story, that you actually step into the plans and pursuits that God has for you: That’s the why,” Kyle begins.

Back to my earlier statement of how RadstoneBLOG seems to bridge into connected stories and seasons. A result that continues to happen the more I work to not seek a subject as I push to better trust my inner self. This season somehow becoming, although recurring, God. A topic, that for over a decade regularly returns from a diverse group of people. A finding that in the above words of Kyle, is one that just might present the power to help each of us discover our places of peace or even acceptance as the diverse humans we are. It’s that look-in-the-mirror thing I am always talking about.

I present a secondary topic: One I’ll ask as many as possible throughout March. All in celebrating the importance of International Women’s History Month.

Kyle, what are your thoughts regarding—Woman?

“Wow! There are so many things I could say,” he pauses.” Thoughtful and caring as he personalizes his answer.

“‘Last Friday at 1:00 in the afternoon, I was finishing up training in our mastermind group for podcasters. We were talking about mission, values, and strategies. It was a Zoom meeting, and I had 30 seconds to go when my door opened—it was my wife.

Tears coming down her face. She was rocking from side to side and then collapsed. I ended the meeting as my wife said, ‘something is wrong, this is not normal.’

She was two months pregnant and she could feel chest pain. She could feel shortness of breath. I’m a trained EMT with twelve years of experience. So I went through all the questions I knew to ask, and it wasn’t panning out well.

So I said, okay, let’s go to the E.R. Now!

Mind you, I was in a corporate hospital job with really good insurance, and when I moved to podcasting and marketing, I had not yet found the right provider for insurance. The fears of financial pressure were there. But I was looking at my wife and asking myself, who are you speaking to? Myself to put a financial constraint on the health of my best friend, my bride, and mother of a fourth child growing inside her? 

We rushed to the E.R. They did every single test you can imagine, and we found it was extreme dehydration. 

“That’s when my fear kicked in—what if I lost my wife, and the child she was carrying? And what if I had to return to our kids and say, Mommy’s not here?”

So, If we’re talking about women, and how important and strengthening a woman is to a man; especially in a marriage, and in a parenting relationship—truly everything else disappears and stops. I saw the truth as all else faded away.

I asked myself, who else is there with me? It was one of those inspiring moments where I knew I would do anything for her. Even lay down my own life to see that the woman I love was okay. And I’m thankful to God that she is okay.'”

After hearing Kyle so lovingly speak of his wife, I am inspired to reexamine my priorities. Even to ask all of you to look within as you inventory your relationships with those closest to you—regardless of culture, attraction, or any of the categories the world is placing on us. 

For no matter who you, I, or they are—and beyond the profiles and identifiers we are now learning of—there is one bonding truth. We all have those we love, and we all have an equal right to feel safe in those relationships.

And in Kyle’s most vulnerable story, my wishes are that we all do our part in grasping the baton he is offering.

“I’ll add this as a comic relief to it.” Kyle amends. “‘When I told our kids we were taking mommy to the hospital, they broke down crying. Because we threaten our kids if they’re doing something extremely dangerous. We say, ‘you know, please get down, or don’t do that, or else you might have to go to the hospital.’ Well, we were actually taking my wife to the hospital, and they thought the world was ending.

That’s when my fear kicked in—what if I lost my wife, and the child she was carrying? And what if I had to return to our kids and say, Mommy’s not here?

So, this mental warfare at the same time of trying to be a strong pillar was such a battle. But that is the place where we get to the core of humanness, and being able to just step outside of yourself and reach.

For me, it was reaching out to God and saying, you’ve got to help me with this. Because this is beyond my control. There are so many pieces that are all connected and happening at the same time, and they are circling around all over the place. So, I don’t know where this story fits.'” 

I again reflect on my life. Look at the family portrait sitting on my desk. Then turning back to Kyle, I ask one more time, do you wish to add to your why?

“When life throws you a curveball,” he smiles, “don’t duck as you just might miss something. That’s a quote from a favorite movie growing up: Extreme days. Most people would not even know what the film is about. But it’s a whole bunch of buddies getting out and doing extreme sports, and the whole story pans out differently than they thought. But it’s such a good example of life.

I’ve always been someone to put my ducks in a row and real-life messes those ducks to where they’re not in a row. Yeah, that would be the only thing I add or revise to the story. Because in the living of your story when things do go sideways that you don’t plan—maybe, it’s really part of the plan.”

Kyle, thank you for your sincerity, faith, and heartfelt words—and per the plan you speak of, and for all of us to consider in the formation of our own whys, might we reflect on your council:

“Everyone has a story and it’s not until you’re authentic, honest, and willing to expose that story, that you actually step into the plans and pursuits that God has for you.”

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard