poetry

Mother and Child

by

Mother and Child –

Today, I grew up. My rose-colored glasses fogged. Even though I knew they deceived me, the benefit of the doubt drew me closer to the fire. I got burned. My heart tarnished by the acts of others, I’m humbled to the core. The grace of God shines the song of forgiveness for transgressions felt. Not all mine, not all theirs. But sins non-the-less.

Life is a strange educator. With no statesmanship and limitless strength it rolls over our faces, our spiritual eyes and mortal ears rarely pausing to truly hear the small voices falling from above…

The little whispers and quiet screams that bridge the life earned holes inside. Tiny reminders testifying, you are loved; they are lovable; and in her lips, they tremble.

Then there’s the bitter silence of anger and confusion. Quarrels that disconnect what is right! amidst witnessing the slowing of aged movement and bitten nails. Pride bears it’s ugly music. The notes puff up. Sadly. Others follow.

She lays asleep in the corner of my house– years of decay bleeding her body and soul. The mirror before her is a reflection of her legacy, and I wish to understand. To forgive, to be forgiven: The truth warms me as I feel of tender mercies and a rebirth that is blossoming within my very soul.

I’ll never know the hurt and laughter she’s lived– or to be heard for her failings and blessings upon me. Yes me, the imperfect one. Her walls are far too thick, and her mind far too lost.

But what of the scared and lonely little girl inside that she so desperately protects under the memories of pictures faded. Ripped paper cuts outs of peacefully fractured moments. Of her tailored father: Of her mother I never knew: Of life before my very existence. Transparent vignettes of turmoil and joyful journey sit numbly in her eyes. I weep inside, suppressing tears behind my settling rage.

He held her close to him, and even as she morphed into the mind of a child, she did her best to see us. She, a self-absorbed shadow to the person she could be, evolved as the years went on.

She needed him: he needed her. The “Henny Penny” of his heart, they stood together into a dark and light future. A strong survivor; a faulted man; a sinner and a saint; he was a mortal father, a willing provider and servant to her every whim. She, an innocent and unintentional murderess to the worth of the human heart, loved to the best of her ability, knowing not the impact her memory would fulfill.

We cannot comprehend, nor see, her unrevealed memories. Yet she is worthy to be forgiven. No one will really ever know the true intentions of her heart. They will go with her to a brighter place. A glory where she will be with those she loves, they who love her, and a place where we will once again see her at her best. Her lungs will fill and her heart will loosen. There is peace and grace in that knowledge.

Her legs weak, her mind feeble, she tries to filter the shrapnel in her soul. I watch her move, I see her lost. I ache a pain that I never really noticed before I paused to reflect. A tightened chest that constricted from years of similar breath, I now realize her worth.

A sleepless night, I exhale in receiving new air. I am free.

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 375: "The Poetic Magic of Billimarie"

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RADSTONE_Operation 36509
I just stand listening and observing for a while. Watching person after person queue in line for their audience with street poet. A father and son stand quietly as she greets at them. Then putting her head down she, with occasional glances up, begins punching at the keyboard of her eclectically pink Royal typewriter. Both are stoically still, as if testing to see if this stranger can figure them out. A few minutes pass and with a gleaming smile she pulls a little slice of inspiration from the rollers, and handing it the young boy says, “Thanks.”

RADSTONE_Operation 36504Thanks… no request for payment… no explanation of her work… just a simple thanks as she shifts her eyes to poem two… Dad.

They look at each other in reviewing the poetry just given them. Dad’s eyes light with amazement as if they have just made a new friend. “I’m ready,” the father stands silent.

I watch for a while. A documentary crew from Mexico curiously surrounds her, a tattooed gansta, who returns moments after getting his poem asking, “What does this say?”

“Those are X’s. I crossed something out,” she kindly responds. He pauses, looking both confused and let down, “I thought it said, sex” he reacts, obviously hoping for an affirmation of his insightful one liner. Smiling and accepting she explains, “those are corrections… that’s all.” Never does she show any sign of contempt. Any reactionary emotion, or any back talk as the now chin dropped dude walks away; surely he must at least feel uplifted by the spirit of acceptance that seems to radiate from her very presence. She returns to smile at the next in line, “Hello.”

In a time where most things have a price tag or some other attached agenda, a decade where far too many are heavily guarded and skeptical, can it be that I have strolled across the real deal– a giver with no intentions other than to share her gifts with the world?

RADSTONE_Operation 36506A humble cardboard sign reads, “Free Poetry.” Even though there is no price tag, and with no cash in my pocket (seems that plastic has taken over my life), I am a little ashamed to approach her for a poem. But the draw to speak with her is impossible to walk away from. I find myself trapped in indecision, but as the crowd momentarily thins an opportunity opens. I am pulled in.

“Hi, my name is Richard” I begin explaining the history of 365. But before I have the opportunity to fully introduce myself, I am completely stopped by a hypnotic grin. My words are halted. It’s like a forced flashback to kid self, you know, that tongue-tied moment where your speechless. A feeling that I rarely have these days, but one that has me stopped in my tracks this evening. “I know…” she reaches to me; “…I’ve seen you meeting people before.” Seems we have walked in the same circles and I was totally unaware. Humbled, I find myself on the other side of my own soapbox.

RADSTONE_Operation 36505Her name is Billimarie, and yes, she is the real deal. “I never started doing this for any money…” she explains, “…I’m just doing it to get to know people and to share my poetry.”

A smiling face walks up as we are chatting, with poem in hand; a bill is dropped in Billimarie’s typewriter case. She looks up, and with signature style, expresses a heartfelt “Thanks.” Then back at me, “but one day someone told me that they would not feel good about themselves if they did not give me something in return. So I learned to accept payment, but I’m still OK to not be paid.”

“Can I write you a poem,” Billimarie asks. With empty pockets I swallow hard. “I’ve got no cash on me and am embarrassed to have you write one.” She smiles and looks me in the eyes (Crud, I’m twelve again).

“OK, I’ll do it.” I begin to revert to my shy younger years, but drawing to my present self, I dig deep and shake it off. “I would love that… but first can I ask you a few questions?” With thoughtful reflection Billimarie agrees.

RADSTONE_Operation 36508Question One
If you had the stage… the undivided attention of the world… and all were listening… What words of wisdom, council or advice would you share?

“’Hello how are you!

There is too much talk in the world, and not enough listening. That’s where we get lost and feel alienated around each other. We have to acknowledge, ‘my feeling are just as valid as your feelings… my experiences… my knowledge… my thoughts… my goals… my ambitions are just as valid as anybody else’s.’” Big pause… “That’s what I would say.

I would ask people how they are… and hope for an honest response. And if not an honest response… then at least a response… and see what happens.”

Question Two
Looking toward the future… as far, or as close as you want to imagine (one year or hundreds of years)– Where do you see the people or the planet … or, what do you think we should be doing now to prepare for the future?

“I used to think in bigger terms. I was in love with this concept of saving the world, what I think is the way most passionate people are. Wanting to help… wanting to make things better… wanting to offer something. And that is beautiful on it’s own terms. It’s just now I’m seeing the world a little bit differently as I mature and continue to do things.

Quite honestly something that we need to do… something that we should teach ourselves to do… is to denounce the idea of a future… to denounce the idea of security… and to take pride in the moment– as cliché as that is. Because there is no future without being here… So we have to ask ourselves… what are you going to do right now, regardless of fear, regardless of the past? I think this is one of the best things we can do to build a better future. Which is slightly paradoxical, I’m aware. But a lot of the amazing things in life are.”

Billimarie, thanks go to you… for your wisdom… for your gifts… and for the healer that you are. You are truly magical.

Talk soon my friends,

Richard

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 373: "The War Is At Hand"

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RADSTONE_Operation 36502“Learn from your first mistake and keep going after it… it’s going to be different next time.“
Easy words to share, but very difficult to follow, but as they are delivered by artist Carolyna, today’s stranger… now 365 friend of 365, I feel a peace in knowing she follows her advice.
I only meet with her for a few minutes, yet as we chat, there is a common thread of perspective. Viewpoints that reach far beyond art and dive under the skin in examining what make us tick a species human. Sure Carolyna, wears the coat of the creative. And, as a very skilled ceramic artisan, speaks a dialogue of the same account. But what she speaks of is relevant to the global issues that are painfully ransacking the Earth’s population; thoughts that can provoke us to survey our outlooks (whether conservative or radical) on how, what and why we contribute to the world around us.
Albert Einstein quoted,  “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” a theory that led him to great achievement in his life– as well as uncountable contributions to the betterment of the mankind.
“Don’t mind-fuck yourself and tell yourself this time it is going to be different,” Carolyna states in building upon her opening comment. A change of vocabulary, but in a way, so aligned with the magnificent Mr. Einstein.
“There is a lot wrong with the world…” Carolyna expands, “…and a lot of things we can’t just change. Like we can’t force people to have empathy towards each other or animals or something like that.”
Carolyna continues her dialogue, but as she does, I have to admit that her expression of empathy catches me so profoundly that is become difficult to not wander my mind as we chat.
Per Mirriam-Websters Dictionary
em·pa·thy – noun (ˈem-pə-thē): the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions : the ability to share someone else’s feelings.
Many a time we speak of issues, politics, religion, race and an endless list of reasons for the condition of world affairs. Billions of dollars are spent on programs and initiatives. Most of which somehow seem to often widen the already fractured gaps in society. Yes, as Carolyna states, there are a lot of things in the world that we can’t change; but what of the things that we can?
Sure, I am a hopeless optimist, have my bad days as we all do, but all in all I try to keep my eyes open. Yet, after meeting so many amazing strangers… all so diverse, all with something to say, and all with the same blood as I– I have witnessed first hand that there is more than enough good to go around. At is center I’ve noticed a common thread… You got it… Empathy.
RADSTONE_Operation 36501
Carolyna challenges us, “I guess the more love we expose people to– the higher hope they have of changing. And that might change the world in the future. Like, if we give more people opportunity to express themselves, we become more like individual beings vs. a cluster-fuck of people. I don’t know… maybe that might help us find ourselves and we might be better human beings in the future.”

I ask. “What do you mean by express ourselves…? Verbally? Artistically? Soulfully?”
“However your way of expressing yourself may be…” She responds, “…Some people can’t express themselves vocally or verbally. They have to blog or something, through music or poetry. Some people fight… whatever it may be… just do it.”
“Some people fight?” that throws me for a little loop. Yet in reflection, I think I understand what Carolyna is speaking of– Simply this… the fight for what’s right in humanity… not so much for what’s there to own.
radstone_portrait_photography_day 218As so well described by Gaetiao, our Sicilian friend of Day 218: “We Need to Show More Open Hand Than the Fist.”
Carolyna… Gaetiao, thank you for your perspectives, looks like you have inspired us to arms. But this battle is really not a war as we know it… for as we write our orders and ready our weapons, we are called to adjust our tactics… The new war is upon us and our attack plans are clear. At the center are two basic commands… Proceed with empathy and strike out with the open hand.
Talk soon my friends,
Richard

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 123: “To Walk With Them As The Same”

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Dinner is in one hour and I decide to take a short evening stroll. Just need a little time of introspection to flush out my head. It’s been a buried business day, and albeit a positive one, I welcome a brief escape.

Well, I call it a stroll, but you and I both know, it’s really a thirty-pound of photo gear on shoulder world exploration. That’s just the way life is with my 365 commitment, and thank you for being with me on this amazing experience.

Today marks over four months for 365, and through it, we have witnessed the birth of a global community. I often say that I have no idea of were 365 is taking us. But one thing is apparent; it is helping many of us to reach out to the world.

I’ve been sincerely reading your remarks and have checked out your blogs. Your comments have been inspired and we now have over 1300 registered followers. Not bad for a little rag-tag blog.

365 is truly becoming more than a personal travel log, it has grown to be about people beyond us. Many new friends have joined us, and, in meeting them; it’s been constantly humbling the way they are driving us forward.

A new vocabulary of life’s perspectives is emerging, transparent to us all. With this, another global statement must be noted, “The world is filled with great people.”

And in talking of greatness, I am not focusing on media giants, wealth or any other form of power. The greatness I am referring to is the willingness of so many to look beyond themselves in honoring each other. A willingness that I am grateful to be part of every day as I reach out to my neighbor’s  of planet earth.

May we all continue to unite in “humanalution” (there’s that word I invented again).

With all this said, it is appropriate that I run into Justin, a very cool cat who is caretaking at Cloud 9 Hookah Lounge.

The place is only footsteps from my front door; yet, I’ve always been intimidated to walk in. Not because I don’t smoke, but embarrassingly, I have been afraid of a preconceived cultural divide. Thinking that whoever is in there… they will not understand who I am.

I am proven way off base, when I meet Justin, as he is setting a sidewalk sign. In approaching him, I feel of a peace he emits. And soon you will join me in understanding why.

“Be strong, not physically, but mentally,” Justin’s first advice for us.

He talks with optimism, all the while, directing it away from himself, “Provide yourself with more than you think you can do. Whatever it is, you can achieve it. And don’t stop dreaming, because dreams are the keys to the world.”

“Dreams are the keys to the world.” Not passion, not desire, not plans, not even education… Just dreams.

Justin and I talk about dreams for a while. In the end we conclude, that dreams are greater than passion, and are an important connection in defining our purpose on this planet. Thus, purpose, becomes the purest form of human motivation, for without it, how can we truly grow to find our fullest potential?

I’m writing a paper on purpose, and will share it with you in the future.

And for the sake of introducing the concept, Justin is our man of the hour.

On his arm is this tattoo, a self-written mission for life. It reads, “To walk with them as the same, thy here to take their pain, help them when they can not change.”

How eloquently this self-created, and very poetic verse, relates to the literal DNA of Justin’s love for the world around him.

“In high school, my career councilor told me that my tests showed that I had a propensity towards being a teacher, pastor or someone sharing a message.”

“To walk with them as the same, thy here to take their pain, help them when they can not change.” Purpose? I think so!

Here is the kind of stuff Justin does. He talks of pay it forward. But for him it is more than a concept… it’s a call to action. “Not so long ago a friend and I go into a Starbucks. We give $100 to the guy at the counter and asked him to use it to cover all the next customers until it is gone. We asked him to do it with one condition, ask everyone who receives the paid for drink to pass on a good deed.”

A monumental gesture from an (I’m sure) under funded twenty-two year old. His story blows me away. Like I said, “The world is filled with great people.”

“To walk with them as the same, thy here to take their pain, help them when they can not change…” Please go on?

Justin is a humble guy, he credits his career ambitions to words of his father, “My dad once told me that I have a gift; I did not understand what he was talking about at the time. But now I think I’m starting to.”

Justin is not boastful, self-promoting or egotistical at all in opening up with me, “I’ve always been a good listener and somehow I calm people.”

Calm people– “To walk with them as the same, thy here to take their pain, help them when they can not change.

Justin’s goal, “I’m about to start my training as a Hypnotherapist, I start school next month and will be practicing in six months. I want to use the gifts that have been given to me to help others. I hope I’ve found a way to do it.”

In speaking about the future.

“I want things get better politically, the government is going crazy.”

And on a more personal note, “Health wise, everyone in on drugs! I’m scared for the future.”

At first, I think he is using everyone in on drugs as symbolism for the way the world is running itself. On Drugs, meaning, Out of Control.

That is not what Justin is talking about; he is speaking of the factual use of drugs.

“Too many of my friends have fallen to hard drugs like XTC and Cocaine. I’ve seen it ruin their lives.”

“I remember learning this in high school, stay away from drugs, being told that Marijuana is a gateway drug. And now I fully understand, seeing how it is affecting my friends.

I even had to end my relationship with my girlfriend. She changed for the worst after getting into smoking Marijuana. She became an angry person, not the person who I knew before her addiction.”

Drug addiction has become quite a through-line over the last week… Strange how the web of 365 is forming?

All I can say is I’m glad I’m hanging in the Hookah. Still don’t smoke, but maybe I’ll stop by one and a while for a soft drink and a chat.

“Justin, I’m sure we will not be strangers.”