Fine Art

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 47: “You’ve Got To Have Respect For Other People”

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Last night I introduced you to Lieutenant Colonel Kevin Boal, promising to tell you of my experience with him.

Here we go. Bottom line, it was a roller coaster ride.

Flashback: Antoinette and I wrap up our interview, Colonel nowhere in sight. Pretty sure he has left to the liquor store a few doors down. I assume he is out.

I ready myself for a return home to enter my blog and begin to express my final thank you’s to Antoinette. As we do so, back to us returns Kevin. He is in full stride, taking control of the situation by jumping center stage in resuming his dialogue.

“Are you a veteran!!” he asks (it is not a mistake I use !! instead of ?). The question comes at me as sharp as a bullet. “No, I did not serve, I was between the draft and did not volunteer,” I reply. He looks away as if disgusted, leaving me carrying a set of mixed emotions. My legs wobble a little as I feel thoughts ranging from inadequacy to defensiveness.

Why!?! he blasts at me. Trying to gain his trust, “I was young, If I knew then what I know now, a may have enlisted.” “Are you f*#*ing stupid!” gets slammed back in my face as he chests up on me. Realizing there is no way I can get in his head and wanting to settle things down a bit, I look him in the eyes. “I’m speechless, there is no way I can understand what you went through.” He steps back and exhorts, “your, f*#ing* right.”

I’m thinking, “it’s over, we’re done, he is out of the game if I push him too far.”

But there is still a draw that I cannot escape. I need to know more. I decide to risk one more question, “will you let me interview you, you have a lot to share?” He shakes his head away, “I have nothing to say.”

Of to the side is Antoinette, witnessing the whole exchange. She has been observing silently, and somehow I think she is monitoring the situation. She contributes to the scene, “I think you have a lot of wisdom to share, you should do it.” Kevin again declines, “wisdom, right! I’ve got nothing to share!”

He again takes control of the moment and drops into testing me with an endless barrage of questions: California history, military facts, and asking if he can have my camera. I answer all to the best of my ability and hold my ground.

We go at it for 30 minute, or thereabouts, as we do the mood slowly changes to a more relaxed pace. An openness is starting to occur. The Colonel is beginning to let me in to his world.

We begin with simple exposures, “I’m part Sioux Indian and part Irish, watch out!” He says while cracking a smile. We are one hour into our chat, when he asks, ‘Want to see my office.”

I follow him through the laundromat as he lets me know that, up until a few days prior, he worked as security for the business. “I was told my services are no longer needed.” We walk through the facility; there are about 10 people at various stations, all in different stages of their cleaning rituals.

All seem to know the Colonel. The guy is a serious extrovert, complimenting everyone with various words and flirting with the women. None look away and engage with him as if they have personal history. Even two or three customers come up in trusting him with their customer service questions. It is obvious that he is no stranger and this confirms to me of his past employment.

We continue our travel through the store and end up in the parking lot at the rear of the building. I find myself standing alone with him at the back door. His demeanor is changing. With arms to the sky, he states, “here it is!”

“You’ve got great air circulation and lots of elbow room… great office!” I express. He looks at me and laughs.

He squats by the door, grabs a bagged bottle and takes a drink. We are silent for a moment taking in the sky. He stands up, “look up there you can see Jupiter.” With one eye on him, one eye at the sky and my feet readied to take me through the door, I look up and acknowledge his sighting.

Back at me as if weighing me up, his eye line shifts, “what do you want to know? And promise you will not make me look like a jerk!” I give him my word, “there is no way you can look like a jerk, you have a lot of wisdom to share. The only jerks are the one’s who judge you.”

“I used to be a terrible person, but as I get older, I have grown.” He is very specific about the word grown. I once again try to empathize, “I understand, life has a way of changing us.” I am rebuked, “no I have grown!” He smiles again.

It is not all intense topics with The Colonel. He tells me of his four marriages, loss of a home in the 1995 Northridge earthquake, and his trials growing up. Some items very dark, others on the lighter side.

It is now that it strikes me, even though he has had a very difficult life, his is a proud Veteran, a loyal American and very serious about his country and fellow servicemen.

I wish I could write the solemn words he entrusts me with. But in honor to him I will tell you only this in regards to Lieutenant Colonel Kevin Boal, he has great depth and a history that deserves him his vices. At times he alarms me, and at others, with suppressed tears in his eyes, he also moves me.

90 minutes into our time together we return to the front of the building for our photo session, if that is what we can call it. Really, he stood for a couple of minutes, lit a cigarette and signed off.

The last lesson in military respect comes as we conclude our evening. A man walks up, taking a pause from his laundry duties. “Are you a veteran?” he directs at The Colonel. “Vietnam” is the reply.

The man goes on to state his service, and even though he did not see front line he shares, “I was scared shitless.” The Lieutenant Colonel immediately reaches out his hand, and over a firm handshake, says, “welcome home!” They both well up, but quickly hide their emotion.

I think I’m starting to get the message.

There have been quite a few military related entries over the last few weeks. I admit in not serving. But one thing is growing in my heart. Bless our servicemen and women. Their sacrifices are at times great.

So next time you come across a Lieutenant Colonel Kevin Boal in your neighborhood, there is one thing you need to do, tell them, “thank you… and welcome home!”

Kevin’s words to share, “you’ve got to have respect for other people.”

The Colonel leaves me with a challenge:
He tells me, “Yuwipi is my religion.” I looked it up. If you are interested in Sioux culture and faith, research it, very interesting.

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 46: “Ten Minutes Of Photography, Two-Hours Of Humanity.”

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Antoinette, 30 year veteran teacher to our California youth

You’re in the passenger seat with me. We’re cruising through suburbia and into the corner shopping center. Radio is on and we’re chilling to the tunes. Suddenly the music becomes silent. How can this be, we still hear volume, yet nothing is going in to our minds?

What’s up with this? two seconds ago it was a musical feast!

As if on auto pilot, we find ourselves being tugged by intuition towards two figures talking in front of the corner laundromat. The closer we get the smaller our musical background becomes.

We pull into a parking slip, just feet in front of them. We disengage the motor. As the silence grows, two incredibly interesting looking people take hold of our focus. With no pause our sub-conscience tugs us out of the car and drives us toward them. Well rehearsed now, we do the 365 pitch and get quickly rejected.

Yet even with the rejection, the conversation continues. We are smitten with the moment and the depth of character of our new acquaintances will not let go of our interest. At this point, who cares if we do, or do not, take photographs. “These people are amazing!”

“I’ll take it from here.”

To begin, let me introduce you to Antoinette, a very humble lady with 30 years of working in education, and the magnet that first catches my eye.

I sight her as she leans against the front window of the laundry establishment, child grandson at her side. At first it is uncertain to me as to how well she knows her confident, Lieutenant Colonel Kevin Boal.

But as I settle in to becoming part of the conversation, it rapidly becomes apparent that I have unintentionally wandered into a chance exchange between two individuals with dramatically different life experiences. What is captivating is the connection of humanity between them. I am taken in; there is no way I can change the path.

Antoinette, with great compassion, is mostly listening, later telling me of her empathy towards the Lieutenant Colonel, a Vietnam Veteran.


Lieutenant Colonel Kevin Boal, Vietnam Veteran, Man of Raw Wisdom

“You’ve got to visit back tomorrow, when I’ll have much more time to fully introduce you to him.”

Have you ever been with people who, just by only being in their presence, make you feel good about yourself. If so, you already have an idea of what spending time with Antoinette is like.

We speak of faith and patience in our fellow-man. Something she has learned through her 30 years of working in elementary education as a teacher’s assistant. Antoinette exudes a motherly spirit and one can feel her real concern for the people around her. I see this in the way she treats our Veteran friend Kevin, even comforting him at moments that I am overwhelmed by his stories.

I can tell this lady is special, a healer of sorts with great faith. An admitted Christian, she explains that is the source of her patience, inspiration and compassion for the world around her, “I’m a believer in Christ, I’m not perfect, but doing my best to be a good person.” She is the kind of person that sets a life tone worthy of mirroring. I’ll take heed to her example.

I ask her to share her council. Simple reply, “Everything is so fast paced now, you must have patience with yourself and those around you.”

This is a night of patience for me. A workshop of sort in unconditional acceptance and in listening, led by two masters of life, Antoinette and Kevin.

All in all, I spend over two hours communing with my laundromat friends. We talk of many things, with much of the time being monopolized by Kevin. No regrets from either Antoinette or myself. He is fascinating and filled with hard-earned wisdom.

So much so, that it is necessary to save telling you about him for tomorrows entry. Though this is a slight diversion from one stranger every night, it is the only way to give him fair representation and in keeping my blog entry to an acceptable word count.

It only took me 5 minutes to find my place this evening. It has been captivating, uplifting and at times a little scary, some back alley stuff I’ll talk about tomorrow.

All in all, I experience one more tutorial in reaching out.

My findings: “We all have stories, some dark, others not. But in the end, “it’s all good!”

My take away from a spur of the moment visit to a local cleaning establishment. “Ten minutes of photography, two-hours of humanity.”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 45: Got To Love Faithful, Hard-Working Mothers

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There is no long journey or hours of driving. Just a simple Sunday stroll.

I am accompanied again this evening by my neighbor and good friend Dan. Looks like he may become a Sunday regular. Great to travel with him. Perhaps with his eye watching my back, we’ll start digging into a few riskier situations. Only time will tell.

Needing to get out of my head in exploring my neighborhood once again, I submit to Dan in allowing him to take the lead. He curiously states, “I’ve got a house to show you.”

As we approach said house, Mike, the son of the homeowner, is sitting on the porch. He throws us a welcoming nod. Subscribing to my chin-up and eyes wide open the world rule, there is only one thing I can do, “Hello, my name is Richard Radstone. I’m working on a project called 365. It’s all about community and people. For 365 days, I’ll be photographing one stranger a day, blogging their stories and the experience. It’s been an amazing journey so far. Today I’m on day 45, only 320 more to go. I’d like to invite you to be part of the project. Would you be willing to be today’s interview?”

The doors fly wide open. Mike starts on a roll of personal history. He reveals family military history dating back to the Revolutionary War, even going into his house to retrieve vintage artifacts: An 1800’s clock, a helmet and entrenching tool used by his great-uncle in the invasion of Normandy, saved newspaper articles linking his family to events occurring at WWII Pearl Harbor.

He is a little offbeat and very intriguing, but still, he has not answered my original question, “Would you be willing to be today’s interview?” I ask again. He declines, “I’m not really one to be photographed, plus look at me, I’m not looking too good. Best not to take pictures of me. But my mom is at Home Depot, she’ll do it when she gets back!”

I’m thinking, “Mom is going be very uncomfortable arriving home with strangers and cameras in her yard, and Mike is going to be in a heap of trouble for bringing us in.” Especially after he has requisitioned all of the family treasures to the exposure of the front porch.

In journalistic form and with a looming opportunity to meet his mom, for better or worse, I decide to take the risk.

And no sooner than I can read one line of the vintage newspaper article he has placed in my hand, up drives mom in a pristine SUV.

She cautiously directs her route toward us. I welcome her, (feels a little strange, after all, I’m on her property) and present my 365 pitch. Without hesitation she is on board.

At first glance of the house one may assume that things are on a heavy downward spiral. That is not the case. What I find is a stoic woman with a  purpose: “Help my children, no matter what the sacrifice.”

Please give a warm hello to Merrihelen.

It’s not easy to encapsulate over an hour and a half of interview in under 1500 words. The stories and supporting evidence are endless. Mike keeps feeding mom starting topics and, with a heartfelt laugh, she runs with them. The family opens up with me and quickly I find out deep issues and lighter subjects.

A single mother, Merrihelen has spent her life working to support her daughter and two sons, one of them (Mike) mentally disabled. Both he and his family are open about it. I’m not going to sugar coat my observations, the house is very rundown and the children are obviously struggling. But what is inspiring is the humor and tenacity Merrihelen demonstrates. I am wholly impressed with her and can see the depth of her intellect. We talk of the lineage of her family, her career path and amazing stories of her growing up in Los Angeles.

What really amazes me is this: Every story she tells is mirrored by her children. It’s like witnessing a passing on of rights. Makes sense though, she dates her family tree all the way back to the Irish clans, who traditionally passed on verbal records of the family crest from generation to generation. Seems that some traditions don’t die easily.

From this humble porch I learn of under published California historical moments and acts of military courage.

Stories like Merrihelen’s great-uncle, a Corporal who charged Normandy in WWII. His accomplishment: Within the first moments of hitting the beach, all of his division’s superior officers were either killed or critically injured. For five hours, being the highest rank left able, he successfully led the advance of his division until he himself suffered intense burns to his arms and face from an exploding phosphorous grenade. Sounds far-fetched? Yep. My skepticism is disproved when second son, Allan, brings forth his uncle’s bullet worn helmet and entrenching tool.

There are many other stories of war and history that are told to me, all backed up with historical artifacts or documentation.

From this rag-tag front yard I am entertained and enriched, and when time comes to close the interview, I have not even scratched the surface of Merrihelen’s depth.

I have gotten to know a survivor. A woman who once honorably served the state as a Highway Patrol trooper, and has paid some serious dues in life, is still moving forward with grace and dignity.

With over 25 years of customer service at call centers (AT&T, Bank of America), in addition to her years with the California Highway Patrol, she finds herself unemployed, being out of work for 3 months now.

But even in the face of adversity, Merrihelen pridefully says this, “America should remain the land of opportunity.”

Her wish for the future?

Be employed with sufficient income to fix up her house, a sweet little bungalow built in the 1920s

and

Her children out of the house and functioning on their own.

Got to love faithful, hard-working mothers.

Merrihelen, keep up the good works!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 44: One Liners and Well Delivered Meds.

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Curtis, pharmacist and emerging entertainer.

A typical Saturday in Radstoneland: I give you the beats.

• Teach Spinning, announce next weeks Halloween costume ride. What will I wear (you’ll just have to wait for the report)?
• Best Buy for more iPad stuff. I’m telling you, “the thing is a drug addiction.”
• Purchase new care tires. “So much for any more iPad fix money. It’s all gone now!”
• Visit camera store. Look at other things I cannot afford. My method of aversion therapy. “I have to come down from my iPad accessory high.”
• To park with the kids. “Ah, release from life.”
• Bother other families at park to be in 365. Daughter now hooked on 365, she forces me to bug people. “Alright, I submit.”
• Accept rejection from said park families. “I know, felt like the creepy dude stalking parents at the park, but I have to respect my kids starry eyes.”
• Leave park to heal wounds of shame for bugging families.
• See photo opportunity on street corner, redirect path to intercept target.
• Get yelled at by violent preacher dude on targeted street corner. My bad, “thought he’d want to tell all of my readers to repent.”
• Stagger back to car, happy I’m still intact! “don’t worry, kids are safely hanging inside locked car and in my field of view.”
• Set path for home: dinner time and a serious re-think of 365.
• Wife tells me, “go find someone to photograph, I’ve got the kids.”
• Wander aimlessly in new treaded car.
• Drive past coin operated car wash on Saticoy.
• Begin to experience, “holly *#*#, it’s 8pm and I’m clueless as to if I’m shooting 365 tonight.”
• Small voice in head tells me to turn around and go to other coin opp wash near where preacher dude was earlier today? “OK?”
• 8:15sh, arrive at prompted coin opp. “I can at least wash my car.”
• Fight with change machine, damn thing wont take my wrinkled bills. “doesn’t everyone shove wadded money in pockets?”
• Win fight, walk away from opponent, hand filled with quarters.
• Get hosed: $5.oo for 8 minutes of paid water.
• Pull out of slip, “I refuse to pay $2.50 more to rinse a touch of soap off car.”
• Pit stop at vacuum station for decompression of timed wash experience.
• Observe expert car washer in stall beside me. “How come his car looks so much cleaner than mine?”
• Question my car detailing ability?
• Submit to my failure.
• Strike up chat with car expert, “perhaps I’ll get pointers on where I went wrong. Should I have sprayed the degreaser first? Maybe I was too long with the soap brush? Help!?”
• He’s a cool dude. Throw 365 invite, he accepts.

My car washing buddy for the evening is Curtis, his trained profession to date: Pharmacist. A recent Los Angeles transplant from Kentucky, he began his West coast pharmaceutical career 4 yeas ago. As we talk I quickly realize that there is more to Curtis than simply preparing medication. He talks the importance of patient experience, saying with smile on his face, It’s really about making people comfortable, many of my customers don’t feel well when they come to my pharmacy. I do my best to let them know that I care.”

The man has great compassion for his fellow-beings, something that inspires him in his greatest dream, “I want to be an entertainer.”

An emerging comic and singer, Curtis expresses his reasoning for pursuing a path into such a difficult and competitive profession. He has the right perspective. “It’s about giving myself and sharing my talents.”

After 30 years as a director and photographer, this is a comment that I very much appreciate. There are so many talented people who seem to burn out from to great of a self-absorbed point-of-view. Curtis’ interest in “giving and sharing” is about as healthy as it gets. I wish him well!

We talk of creative mindset, linking it with the importance of being true to personal perspective and what it takes to both develop and hold on to artistic point-of-view. Another topic very close to me.

Curtis give us this wisdom, “whatever way life takes you, follow your inside, your persona, how you feel about your presence on Earth, and somehow let it be the guide in interfering with your choices.”

I meet a man who cares about people, and in time, I hope he finds his voice in the world of entertainment. We need guys like him on stage.

In the end, I understand why I am at this particular car wash, at this particular time and on this particular evening.

“And I’ve learned again, 365 just happens.”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 43: It’s All About The Children

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Susan – dedicated gymnastics instructor since 1979

I am so enjoying the red gym mats, somewhere on the North side of Pierce College. It’s Friday night gymnastics class for my girl. After 42 days of 365 wandering, I think it is only fair I steal an hour to chill.

But full chill it cannot be, with 365 pulling at me, I decide to multi task and settle in at this colorful base camp with my mobile office.

To prove that I am as honest as Abe, I ask my wife to take a few snap shots to document my situation.

Even though she is fried from the week and preferring to focus the lens on a much better subject, our daughter. She agrees, seeing that there may be the possibility of a home evening without sharing me with the laptop.

My leisure is not a manifestation of laziness, rather a moment of realization. “Realization of what?” you ask. For years my daughter has, on and off, been participating in Pierce College Extensions Gymnastic Programs. Usually my wife as her companion. But this evening, I tag along and upon arrival this though enters my mind, “I have never really introduced myself to Susan, the program’s director.”

With this brain wave as my motivator, I roll up my sleeve’s and commit, over my purchase of fundraising cookies, to invite her to be my days featured friend.

We have a brief conversation and she expresses one stipulation, “I am about to teach, can we take the photo after class.”

“No worries, I’m glad to wait.”

For the past hour and a half, I’ve been writing a little, relaxing a little and chatting with another new friend, co-father of future athletes, Arney.

It’s now 8:28pm, Class ending in a couple of minutes and the gymnasium will be clear soon, got to go. Off to make our photos…


Susan teaching my daughter

I’m back, 10:41pm, so much for the computer free evening at home. Wife is in the other room getting our exercise and cookie pumped kid to sleep. Got to love them for allowing me this time to report.

Since 1979, Susan has been involved with training youth in gymnastics. Reserved, focused and committed to service are the definitions that come to my mind in telling you of her character.

What impresses me greatly, “she speaks nothing of herself.” I ask my usual questions, expecting to hear thoughts of personal outlook and goals. What I get are wonderfully selfless responses, all emphasizing the importance of the program she is directing. Yet, she is not speaking of herself, she is speaking of community.

“This is a non-profit, a nice place to work, so kids without lots of money can have the opportunity to take gymnastics. Our classes are for the community,” Susan’ s response to “what words would you like to share with my readers?”

The is no boasting in her message, no grand persona, just a comfortable consistency in her countenance. “Susan is a rock star of a coach!”

She truly puts her students first, and after watching her coaching style tonight, I can honestly say, “all she desires is to see the kids succeed.”

After we finish our interview, gym empty, I ask once again,  “are you sure you don’t have any words of wisdom to impart to my readers?”

In perfect Susan style, again about the kids, “Parents need to let me do what I do, especially with the very young children. Sometimes there is a little disorderly conduct. I just go with it a real them back in. You give a little, you receive a lot. So parents, please let me do what I do.”

I’ll throw it in my perspective, “if you enroll in Pierce Gymnastics with Susan at the wheel: Sit back, relax, let her do her job. Trust me she’s got your back.”

Susan, you’ve got my family vote of approval.

Her final words, “these kids inspire me, when the kids succeed, I succeed.”

Amen to that!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 41: Johnny Be Good

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“Live life to the fullest, Time to work is time to work, time to play is time to play.” Johnny’s mantra.

Driving home after a dinner with friends and family. I come across a group of bikers. Actually my second group of bikers. It was only 20 minutes ago when I was rejected by about a dozen of them. Let’s just title that group, “we’ll never meet who’s behind curtain one.”

I’m a little set back by this first encounter, not one of the group was willing to partake of 365. It was a rather large gathering. “They looked so like a willing bunch,” I told myself.

For your reference, the scene: Picture a casual outdoor gathering, killer bikes parked along the road, and a group of leather jacketed bikers sharing stories over after ride coffee. At the time it seemed to me, “in a gathering like this, someone will gladly volunteer to be featured.”

What I do find is a gang very hard to break into, with several cliques huddling around tables or reclining on steps, all deeply immersed in their own dialogue.

I do; however, presenting business cards to introduce 365, manage to talk to two guys.  They are definitely not interested in being photographed and I can tell by the tense stare from one of them that my presence is tolerated, but not welcome. Who knows maybe we will get a call and be invited to a future event? Something that I will wholly accept. So keep reading, maybe there will be a re-visit in later blog entries.

Deflated from that rejection, and with about 20 miles of pavement behind the experience, I come across a second gathering of bikers mingling in a parking. Again, as did group one, they are in cliques sharing post ride stories.

What the heck! It takes three missed swings to strike out, I have more swings left and I’m not striking out on day 41.

I line up for pitch two, pull into the parking lot, promising my family this one feels right. To the trunk I go, grabbing my 35 pound back pack of photographic power. I approach the plate. “Hey bear with me, It’s not easy writing a personable and sometimes witty blog entry every night.”

So if I want to write a baseball comparison for soliciting a group of bikers to get involved in 365, humor me.

The lot is dim, the sound of revving bikes fill the air. Spotting an amazingly painted Suzuki 750, I approach, complimenting it’s cool factor as I tell of 365. Without division, all hands point to Johnny, our man of the evening.

Johnny is engaging, warm and articulate. He is completely into the 365 project, liking the outreach factor it presents. “I’m in for anything that brings people together,” he says.

It is obvious he is liked by the group, of which many contribute with team spirited comments as he and I talk.

Johnny is a very smart cat. At 24 he has already capitalized on international commerce, building a very successful import/export business between the United States and Vietnam. What is highly interesting is that he mostly imports product to Asia. Quite the opposite of many in his trade.

By the looks of the custom paint on his bike, hand painted by a tattoo artist, he is doing quite well. paint jobs like that, do not come at a small price.

There is no guile or ego in his attitude. He talks of values that his father instilled in him. Values that have led him to the balanced perspective he lives by.

A few of Johnny wisdom’s:
“Work hard, play later.”
“Money is not everything. Health is golden.”
“Be willing to sacrifice wasted time to stay focused.”
“Live life to the fullest.”

So what with the bike?
I learn of the closeness of the biker community and how it sticks together. “It’s not an unusual thing to get a high-five from an unknown fellow biker,” Johnny explains.

“As a kid I liked speed.” By the looks of his bike, I think he’s found fast, and it seems to be his release. “Biking is a big part of my life, it free’s me and allows my to relax.”

The group is pushing to leave and it’s time to wrap. One more question to ask.

“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

With understated humility, and in honor to his father’s advice, “be your own boss,” he answers, “based out of my home, Vietnam. To be the biggest import/export business in the world.”

Johnny, Thanks for the interview!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 40: The Hang Out Zone – Demystified

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“It’s impossible to go through life without problems,” and at only 20, Aaron has had his share. But this young man is remarkable.

I’ll start this entry with a few Aaron quotes. They really do set the stage for who he is, and the experience credentials he has earned early in his years – some self-inflicted, others by situation.

If you are a regular reader, the following is a common question to you by this time. If you are new, I ask everyone, “Do you have any words of wisdom you would like to share with my readership.”

I ask Aaron this question early on in our interview, even as we are shooting photos.


Actual photos taken during the moment Aaron responds to my questions

After a moment of thoughtful pause (I can tell he is thinking deeply regarding his response), he replies, “Everybody feels the way you do; what you do with it is up to you. You can either handle it, or you can be a victim.”

A very deep thought. I question him back, “Do you mean everybody CAN feel the way you do?” He is specific, “No, there is no can in it.”

We chat about it for a while. I realize what he is talking about are core emotions: love, fear, envy, joy, shame, empowerment and on and on. He relates them to life in general, linking all to the second part of his statement, “What you do with it is up to you. You can either handle it, or you can be a victim.” What he is talking about is self-respect and empowerment. In this he has earned a self-managing diploma received from the University of Hard Knocks.

Even though he is short in years, there is a palpable feeling of comfort radiating from him. I wish you could meet him and experience it yourself.

His story starts as one we have heard many times; troubled high school years, falling away from home, and a list of general rebellions. But what is unique about Aaron is his early willingness to change, not just for himself but to truly help his friends follow in his footsteps.

Here is how I know about him (notice, I have not yet told you how I met him).

Just two houses down from mine is the hang-out zone for a group of about fifteen regulars. Teen and twenty-something boys and girls loitering at all hours of the day. Usually tossing cigarette butts into our yards, and at times speaking loud obscenities. Really puts a damper on allowing my 8-year-old girl spending time in the front yard.

I even know a few of them, mostly good kids (or as least I’ve led myself to believe so). But still, they are there day after day, at hours most would either be in school or working.

Tonight, as I set out for a 365 stroll, I see Aaron, sitting by himself in the hang-out-zone. In past, I most likely would have not approached him, choosing to be tolerant yet unengaged. However, 365 is shifting my outlook by allowing me this thought, “If I have a question, or do not know the individual who prompts said question to my mind, I will not ignore facing them straight on.”

That said, I do not hesitate in approaching Aaron, and am fully glad I do so.

We’ve all heard actions are stronger than words. So what is he doing about life? His philosophies are deep and reflective, but is he acting on them?

Per his service to his friends? I facilitate the answers with a question, “Why is he sitting alone at the hang out zone?” A couple answers:

ONE:
Having not hung out for some time, “I wanted to check in on Jacob” (the kid living at the hang out house). One who Aaron is pushing to get his G.E.D. He states this: “I tell Jacob, If I can do it, so can you.”

TWO (and a little heavy):
He has just come from counseling one of the group, a kid living close by. How was he helping? Talking him out of  suicide attempt. This in itself would fold most twenty-year-olds. I’m thinking he ended up here to simply decompress.

Per his self work:

First, Aaron has made up for his high school follies in flying colors and is currently attending Pierce College, taking all his GEs with a few music electives. He cares about every course he is enrolled in and is pulling great grades, even Sociology. On top of that, he has applied for grants and financial aid to further his education and is serious about finishing with a degree in music.

Coming from a line of musicians, this is not a pipe dream. “I eat, live, breath music.” Supported by and following in his father’s footsteps, it is a well thought-out career decision, and he wants to do it right. Currently he is in the process of applying to The Musicians Institute, one of the more credible institutions in Los Angeles. A proven starting point for many successful artists.

On a closing note, I ask him about his plugs. He seems somewhat frustrated by them. “It was a thing I did a long time ago, but now they are holding me back. Too many people judge me because of them, and even my tattoos.” He tells me,  “They were the width of soda cans and very offensive to many employers. I’m working hard to find a good job and need to lose them.” For the past 6 months he has been getting them to recede, going from smaller to smaller ring. Now just a touch larger than quarters, he is almost there. The last step is a surgical procedure that costs $500. He is saving his money.

We talk into the evening, this is a good kid. I realize that all of our photos are somewhat serious or moments of captured conversation. I suggest one final portrait. The light is gone, but thanks to Apple and the illumination from my trusty iPad, we make one final photograph. Almost a smile, but with a one second exposure, I think we did a pretty good job.

Hey Aaron, see you at the hang-out. And thanks for your willingness to get the rest of the gang ashtrays for the cig butts.

Talk again my friend!

Almost forgot, “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”

Answer:
“To be a working studio / touring musician and to be happily married.”

“I have a feeling you will succeed.”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 39: Call To Action In Helping A Neighbor

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For the last 38 meetings I have taken long notes; there is no need for that in interviewing my latest new friend Miguel. His story hits home in a very poignant way.

The economy has affected us all hard over the last years. Miguel is a testament to the depth of its effect on hard-working citizens.

He lives not far from my home, just a few blocks North of my street. Has a great work ethic, and pays his fair share of taxes. Yet he has not worked a paying day in over a year.

Not by any lack of effort or weakness of ability, mind you, rather by the forces of a down turning economy. A welder by trade, he was laid off of a well-paying position– one that not only supported him, but contributed to the security of his single mother and six siblings. Since that time he has applied for endless employment opportunities with no results. A situation I’m sure many of us have found ourselves experiencing on one level or another.

Miguel is one of an endless list of hard-working Americans, not looking for a handout, but a respectable job.

As we chat, I can see the concern in his face. He talks to me about the pain of unemployment, and its effects on him: Weight gain, a short bought of depression and the stress brought on by the possibly of loosing his home. All the while expressing his love for his mother and pride in his siblings.

Miguel is a good man!

After returning from an unsuccessful ninety minute driving and walking 365 search, I run into him only one hundred yards from my front door step. I’m sitting on the curb, not sure where to go and he finds me as he is returning from playing basketball with his brothers. We strike up a conversation, instantly I know I need to publish his story of tenacity.

We start off by talking about is his loss of over one hundred pounds, weight he rapidly gained at the start of an unemployment depression. A depression he rapidly overcame, realizing it would get him nowhere. He credits physical activity as a major contributor in keeping him grounded and on path to maintaining his health as well as a positive mental perspective. I’m very touched and impressed, knowing many people who battle with the same issues without success.

Miguel stands strong, committed, unshaken and humbly willing to share his story.

He tells me, “I’ll never fall that far into that depth of depression again,” going on to explain how that moment turned out to be a great motivator fo him as to where he does not want to be.

We brainstorm ideas for employment and I realize that I might have a lead or two for him — something I am planning on acting upon tomorrow, after all, “He is my neighbor.”

It is hard for him to answer my questions, but I can sense the weight of his desire to provide for his family is first and foremost on his agenda. No selfish words are in his vocabulary, again, only concern for his mother and siblings. You see, his father left when he was eight, making him the patriarch of the family. And please don’t get me wrong, this is no poor me story, quite the opposite. There is no guile or victim in Miguel’s tone. Even going on to state, “I am wanting to find my father and talk with him, to see who he is.”

He talks of his dream, simple and to the point, “Work to kick-in, so we can keep the house, everything, and I can help my family.”

I’m telling you, Miguel is a gentle giant, with one point-of-view: Family First.

His compassion is evident as he states his wishes for my readers, “Hope you don’t go through this.”

CALL TO ACTION:
The oldest of his siblings, Miguel carries an evident concern for his family. His greatest desire is to provide. Miguel is one in thousands of good people bearing the heavy burdens of unemployment. Not by choice, but by circumstance. He is not looking for charity. All he is seeking is a secure job where he can use his talents to provide for a family.

My challenge, if anyone has a lead on an opening for a highly experienced welder in the Greater Los Angeles Area, please let me know? I’ll pass it on. It’s the least we can do for our neighbor.

Miguel, keep the faith brother!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 38: “Some Make It A Bigger Deal Than It Has To Be”

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Jenna – Actress, Humorist, Humble Teacher

I start today at Vista Ford, home of my tragic leasing experience some fifteen years ago. For some reason I am inspired to visit the establishment once again. Don’t know why, but my gut is telling me it is where I need to start my 365 quest today.

I get this internal message loud and clear as I’m traveling East with my friend and driver for the afternoon, Danny. Vista five miles behind us, I question the prompting. Thinking why turn around? Backtrack a route already traveled? Makes no sense?

Committed as I am to 365, there is only one answer; “turn around, re-calculate and head West,” back to the gut inspired Ford dealership.

Back, past ten minutes of already traveled street we find ourselves wandering the car lot, “no one in sight.” A couple more minutes pass, our anticipated salesman approaches, politely sporting a white shirt and extroverted smile.

Not bagging on his effort, I feel no inspiration at all to photograph him. However, honest to the 365 effort, I know that I must invite him. As I assume, he declines the offer, leaving us with zero prospects in sight. It is a very hot summer afternoon. I am not surprised the area is void of people.

We withdraw to the shade of the car to continue our search for today’s 365 friend.

Two mile more to the West, Dan suggests a pit stop in a local shopping center, something about the suggestion feels right. “I wonder if the Vista Ford pit stop is an inspiration to pilot us in a new direction.” A romantic thought, and one that I will own.

Intermission:

Literally, as I am writing this entry, I’m looking across the table at six of my closest friends. Accompanied by their children, it’s Sunday family and social night. I’ve taken my break for the day and with dinner over, have settled into an evening of games, conversation and writing while we play. Everyone is getting used to me working on this blog. So even though they are with me in the journey, all harassment is fair game.

That said, It would be short-changing my friends to not publish their remarks. My friend Pam kicks in, “If you’re dissing us, you better write about me.” She challenges me, “I’m going to start my own blog on a leap year. So I’ll beat you with 366 days… eat that!”

She has started the “give it to Radstone train” and I gladly sport my target face. The whole group steps up to play and are all on a roll in tossing amazingly well though out jabs at me. It’s like a roast and I’m the guest of honor. I keep my focus and through jest after jest dart hitting me like bullets, I do not break stride. Words fly at me faster than I can record, none breaking my typing rhythm. I’m in keyboard nirvana.

Their effort is stellar. My following response is a tribute to their witty contributions of the evening; “zerberts to all and nose to the iPad for me.” I’m telling you, “I’m turning into a 365 writing machine.”

This verbal jousting barrage over, it’s karaoke time, a perfect jumping off point to take my leave in introducing you to today’ friend.

So with the haunting sounds of lounge music behind me, I ask you to welcome at center stage, our friend for the day: Jenna.

Danny and I stroll upon her chatting with friends outside of the Corner Club (a little sports bar) in Woodland Hills. The place is a touch out of my comfort zone, but there is a magnetic energy that inspires us to approach the group. As we arrive, we meet our first challenge, being able to tolerate the bantering from one member of the group. A friendly enough bloke who gives us a bit of a sarcastic hassle. It is obvious that he has no intentions of allowing us to photograph him. We allow him to state all of his input and he quietly retreats to the solace of the bar inside, leaving Jenna and I the privacy to talk.

At first I’m uncertain of where we will go in our conversation. Not knowing exactly how to relate, I jump right in with question #2, “Is there anything you would like to share with my readers?” That’s all it takes. Instantly Jenna and I are deep in discussion. She has a ton to say and all is very relevant. As always, now I know why I am here, at this place, at this time, standing with Jenna.

First off, Jenna has a sweet spirit about her. She begins her council by stating, “Life is tough for everybody, but some make it a bigger deal than it has to be. They forget about each other, overreact and disregard the fact that we are all in this life together.”

A struggling actor, Jenna has experienced the high and lows of being an artist. Yet she is highly optimistic, quoting as piece of advice she picked up from a Martin Scorsese interview, His father’s advice: “Nothing is more tragic than a wasted talent.”

She goes on to tell me that although this has been an incredibly difficult year, she has reached a time in her life where she is no longer fighting for control. And doing so has bought many new opportunities to her. She is honest with me in what is helping to pay her bills, a YouTube spoof on sex advise, telling me that although it is somewhat raunchy, she draws the line at nudity. She takes the hits when people call her a porn star, but that is farthest from her values. I know, for many the line is black and white on the topic. But Jenna is resolute that her show is a means to an end, and she will not compromise in full-scale pornography.

Her stance, “you can only lose your dignity once.” And for Jenna, pornography would be just that.

It is not our place to judge the intent of others. And after spending time chatting with Jenna, I am positive her point-of-view is of good rapport. And you will absolutely see why in a moment.

She comfortably states, “happiness is not about money or status, it’s about self-worth.” A theme that is becoming strong through line in 365. So how does a statement like this balance with smiling off the accusations of being a porn star.

Now I ask you to take off your first impression glasses and read on.

What really peaks my interest in Jenna is her dedication to the future of our youth. Specifically those with special needs. The catalyst for all of her efforts, and compromises, she has made in making income through her acting talents. And I’m sure you realize just how hard it is to survive in the entertainment jungle. Especially for the single folk.

For 18 years Jenna has dedicated her life to teaching special need children, specializing working with kid roughly eleven-years old. An age that somehow seems to fall through the cracks with many taking no interest. A point of view that most would not entertain from a person hanging out at a grungy sports bar. I take careful notes, noticing things like the healthy Peach Yogurt she is carrying, planning on eating it while her comrade’s down other more intoxication beverages.

We are interrupted mid interview, when politely she redirects an aggressive fellow, seemingly not wanting to have the topic at hand polluted by loud distractions.

She goes on to expand that what is important to her is being able to separate her acting decisions from her pursuits in helping special children to build healthy self-esteem. Encouraging them to work hard and not be lazy. When we talk of this aspect of her life, I see great pride and compassion in her continence as she states, “I want them to succeed.”

I can tell by the look on her face that her life has not been easy, and that she is a fighter. We speak of many more things. Too many to write in my allotted word count commitment. Even now I am close to 400 words over my targeted 1000 or less writing rule.

I do so with purpose.

Many of my entries have touched on the topic: “We cannot judge a book by its cover.”

This afternoon as I approached, even interrupted, a group of friends enjoying their weekend leisure, perhaps I am the one to be judged.

To again quote Jenna, “Life is tough for everybody, but some make it a bigger deal than it has to be. They forget about each other, overreact and disregard the fact that we are all in this life together.”

Words to ponder?!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 37: “Please Salute Our At Home Heroes”

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For those of you who don’t know what spinning is. Put this in your mind: One hour of high intensity peddling, ever-changing grades of resistance, high tempo music and a room full of riders pushing to burn calories. 500 to 800 calories to be exact. Add to that a drill sergeant barking motivation to you, and you have 50% of the picture.

The other 50% you can only get by attending a spinning class. No lie, it’s an extreme workout. I know, I teach it six times a week.

I end my class today, and as I prepare to leave, one of the clubs new instructors asks me for some advise on setting up the audio system. Takes us about fifteen minutes. I find out that not only is she a spinning instructor, but also a yoga power woman. Her smile is radiant and there is a something about her that beckons me to invite her to 365.

I show her the project and she tells me that she is not that interesting. I ensure her that she most likely has a personal story or wisdom to share. “I have seen it time after time in many of my past interviews.” Plus, there is something about her that tells me she has a very special message. So I leave the offer hanging in the air.

We focus back on setting the stereo, somewhere in the middle of audio check, the 365 mission becomes mutual.

Meet Anne, a remarkable woman… soon you will know just how remarkable.

Not wanting to distract her from her pre-class warm-up, I grab a few fun shot of her checking the bike. I’m telling you this girl is in amazing condition. I take first actions in photographing her before drill sergeant mode kicks in. She counters with a full-out standing sprint, smile on face… NO LIE, SMILE ON FACE! She’s not human, most mortals in the same situation would be grimacing as if being chased by a rabid badger.

Sprint over, it’s time for a grinding climb. With heavy resistance pressing back against her pedals, she comfortably relaxes her torso, and here we go, that motivating smile again. Oh the pain of it all! I think? Her class better watch out, they’ll be putty in her hands before they know it. And by the pace of her effort, will be putty on the floor by the end of class. What a way to burn calories, being smiled into submission. Even though I teach, I’ve got to take one of Anne’s classes. I need to be humbled.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all smiles in Anne’s class, that’s just her hook, once she has you, the real drill begins. Her comforting expressing magically changes as the class gains intensity, and at that point, you are totally in, nowhere to go except to complete your one hour of pain and exhilaration. And the best part, you want to!

But this is only the wrapping to Anne’s story. True, she is a poster child for fitness. But what is deeper than her physical ability is her devotion to country and husband.

You see, Anne is a military wife. One in thousands of unsung heroes.

It’s easy for us civilian folk to recognize the men and women in uniform. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shook the hands of those who sacrifice so much to preserve our freedoms, and I ask you to please take moment of pause to thank them for their efforts.

Yet, in seeing our uniformed protectors, we are only seeing half the picture. For many of them the sacrifice is more than risking personal life and limb, they leave loving families behind as they serve. These unsung heroes are not always easily spotted and deserve as much praise as their far away spouses. They are not martyrs for loneliness, but promoters of freedom, joining their spouses with great courage and willingness to sacrifice all.

Unless you have served or have had a family member serve, there is no way you can completely understand this sacrifice. I thought I did, until today.

As Anne and I begin our interview, the phone rings, it’s her husband with news regarding his recent deployment. There is a dream on the horizon, a possible mission that would place him permanently in San Diego, giving them the chance to finally start a life under one roof. Bad news, the San Diego deployment may not happen.

The military life is one that changes in a moments notice. Although saddened, the spirit of Anne’s disappointment is content. I can hear the love and pride of husband in every word she shares.

My eyes tear ups as Anne talks, “I am so proud of my husband, he is always smiling and thinking of others. The most positive man I know. And when things are down, he is there to pick me up. I married a good man. I am blessed and honored to be with him.”

After hearing this, I will never view a military man or woman the same. Yes, they will still get my families applaud. But one thing is for certain, if they are wearing a wedding ring, I will not forget to say, “my prayers are with you and your family.“

God Bless, those who protect our freedoms, and their families who so selflessly support them.

I welcome your feedback on this post.