society

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 47: “You’ve Got To Have Respect For Other People”

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Last night I introduced you to Lieutenant Colonel Kevin Boal, promising to tell you of my experience with him.

Here we go. Bottom line, it was a roller coaster ride.

Flashback: Antoinette and I wrap up our interview, Colonel nowhere in sight. Pretty sure he has left to the liquor store a few doors down. I assume he is out.

I ready myself for a return home to enter my blog and begin to express my final thank you’s to Antoinette. As we do so, back to us returns Kevin. He is in full stride, taking control of the situation by jumping center stage in resuming his dialogue.

“Are you a veteran!!” he asks (it is not a mistake I use !! instead of ?). The question comes at me as sharp as a bullet. “No, I did not serve, I was between the draft and did not volunteer,” I reply. He looks away as if disgusted, leaving me carrying a set of mixed emotions. My legs wobble a little as I feel thoughts ranging from inadequacy to defensiveness.

Why!?! he blasts at me. Trying to gain his trust, “I was young, If I knew then what I know now, a may have enlisted.” “Are you f*#*ing stupid!” gets slammed back in my face as he chests up on me. Realizing there is no way I can get in his head and wanting to settle things down a bit, I look him in the eyes. “I’m speechless, there is no way I can understand what you went through.” He steps back and exhorts, “your, f*#ing* right.”

I’m thinking, “it’s over, we’re done, he is out of the game if I push him too far.”

But there is still a draw that I cannot escape. I need to know more. I decide to risk one more question, “will you let me interview you, you have a lot to share?” He shakes his head away, “I have nothing to say.”

Of to the side is Antoinette, witnessing the whole exchange. She has been observing silently, and somehow I think she is monitoring the situation. She contributes to the scene, “I think you have a lot of wisdom to share, you should do it.” Kevin again declines, “wisdom, right! I’ve got nothing to share!”

He again takes control of the moment and drops into testing me with an endless barrage of questions: California history, military facts, and asking if he can have my camera. I answer all to the best of my ability and hold my ground.

We go at it for 30 minute, or thereabouts, as we do the mood slowly changes to a more relaxed pace. An openness is starting to occur. The Colonel is beginning to let me in to his world.

We begin with simple exposures, “I’m part Sioux Indian and part Irish, watch out!” He says while cracking a smile. We are one hour into our chat, when he asks, ‘Want to see my office.”

I follow him through the laundromat as he lets me know that, up until a few days prior, he worked as security for the business. “I was told my services are no longer needed.” We walk through the facility; there are about 10 people at various stations, all in different stages of their cleaning rituals.

All seem to know the Colonel. The guy is a serious extrovert, complimenting everyone with various words and flirting with the women. None look away and engage with him as if they have personal history. Even two or three customers come up in trusting him with their customer service questions. It is obvious that he is no stranger and this confirms to me of his past employment.

We continue our travel through the store and end up in the parking lot at the rear of the building. I find myself standing alone with him at the back door. His demeanor is changing. With arms to the sky, he states, “here it is!”

“You’ve got great air circulation and lots of elbow room… great office!” I express. He looks at me and laughs.

He squats by the door, grabs a bagged bottle and takes a drink. We are silent for a moment taking in the sky. He stands up, “look up there you can see Jupiter.” With one eye on him, one eye at the sky and my feet readied to take me through the door, I look up and acknowledge his sighting.

Back at me as if weighing me up, his eye line shifts, “what do you want to know? And promise you will not make me look like a jerk!” I give him my word, “there is no way you can look like a jerk, you have a lot of wisdom to share. The only jerks are the one’s who judge you.”

“I used to be a terrible person, but as I get older, I have grown.” He is very specific about the word grown. I once again try to empathize, “I understand, life has a way of changing us.” I am rebuked, “no I have grown!” He smiles again.

It is not all intense topics with The Colonel. He tells me of his four marriages, loss of a home in the 1995 Northridge earthquake, and his trials growing up. Some items very dark, others on the lighter side.

It is now that it strikes me, even though he has had a very difficult life, his is a proud Veteran, a loyal American and very serious about his country and fellow servicemen.

I wish I could write the solemn words he entrusts me with. But in honor to him I will tell you only this in regards to Lieutenant Colonel Kevin Boal, he has great depth and a history that deserves him his vices. At times he alarms me, and at others, with suppressed tears in his eyes, he also moves me.

90 minutes into our time together we return to the front of the building for our photo session, if that is what we can call it. Really, he stood for a couple of minutes, lit a cigarette and signed off.

The last lesson in military respect comes as we conclude our evening. A man walks up, taking a pause from his laundry duties. “Are you a veteran?” he directs at The Colonel. “Vietnam” is the reply.

The man goes on to state his service, and even though he did not see front line he shares, “I was scared shitless.” The Lieutenant Colonel immediately reaches out his hand, and over a firm handshake, says, “welcome home!” They both well up, but quickly hide their emotion.

I think I’m starting to get the message.

There have been quite a few military related entries over the last few weeks. I admit in not serving. But one thing is growing in my heart. Bless our servicemen and women. Their sacrifices are at times great.

So next time you come across a Lieutenant Colonel Kevin Boal in your neighborhood, there is one thing you need to do, tell them, “thank you… and welcome home!”

Kevin’s words to share, “you’ve got to have respect for other people.”

The Colonel leaves me with a challenge:
He tells me, “Yuwipi is my religion.” I looked it up. If you are interested in Sioux culture and faith, research it, very interesting.

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 39: Call To Action In Helping A Neighbor

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For the last 38 meetings I have taken long notes; there is no need for that in interviewing my latest new friend Miguel. His story hits home in a very poignant way.

The economy has affected us all hard over the last years. Miguel is a testament to the depth of its effect on hard-working citizens.

He lives not far from my home, just a few blocks North of my street. Has a great work ethic, and pays his fair share of taxes. Yet he has not worked a paying day in over a year.

Not by any lack of effort or weakness of ability, mind you, rather by the forces of a down turning economy. A welder by trade, he was laid off of a well-paying position– one that not only supported him, but contributed to the security of his single mother and six siblings. Since that time he has applied for endless employment opportunities with no results. A situation I’m sure many of us have found ourselves experiencing on one level or another.

Miguel is one of an endless list of hard-working Americans, not looking for a handout, but a respectable job.

As we chat, I can see the concern in his face. He talks to me about the pain of unemployment, and its effects on him: Weight gain, a short bought of depression and the stress brought on by the possibly of loosing his home. All the while expressing his love for his mother and pride in his siblings.

Miguel is a good man!

After returning from an unsuccessful ninety minute driving and walking 365 search, I run into him only one hundred yards from my front door step. I’m sitting on the curb, not sure where to go and he finds me as he is returning from playing basketball with his brothers. We strike up a conversation, instantly I know I need to publish his story of tenacity.

We start off by talking about is his loss of over one hundred pounds, weight he rapidly gained at the start of an unemployment depression. A depression he rapidly overcame, realizing it would get him nowhere. He credits physical activity as a major contributor in keeping him grounded and on path to maintaining his health as well as a positive mental perspective. I’m very touched and impressed, knowing many people who battle with the same issues without success.

Miguel stands strong, committed, unshaken and humbly willing to share his story.

He tells me, “I’ll never fall that far into that depth of depression again,” going on to explain how that moment turned out to be a great motivator fo him as to where he does not want to be.

We brainstorm ideas for employment and I realize that I might have a lead or two for him — something I am planning on acting upon tomorrow, after all, “He is my neighbor.”

It is hard for him to answer my questions, but I can sense the weight of his desire to provide for his family is first and foremost on his agenda. No selfish words are in his vocabulary, again, only concern for his mother and siblings. You see, his father left when he was eight, making him the patriarch of the family. And please don’t get me wrong, this is no poor me story, quite the opposite. There is no guile or victim in Miguel’s tone. Even going on to state, “I am wanting to find my father and talk with him, to see who he is.”

He talks of his dream, simple and to the point, “Work to kick-in, so we can keep the house, everything, and I can help my family.”

I’m telling you, Miguel is a gentle giant, with one point-of-view: Family First.

His compassion is evident as he states his wishes for my readers, “Hope you don’t go through this.”

CALL TO ACTION:
The oldest of his siblings, Miguel carries an evident concern for his family. His greatest desire is to provide. Miguel is one in thousands of good people bearing the heavy burdens of unemployment. Not by choice, but by circumstance. He is not looking for charity. All he is seeking is a secure job where he can use his talents to provide for a family.

My challenge, if anyone has a lead on an opening for a highly experienced welder in the Greater Los Angeles Area, please let me know? I’ll pass it on. It’s the least we can do for our neighbor.

Miguel, keep the faith brother!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 38: “Some Make It A Bigger Deal Than It Has To Be”

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Jenna – Actress, Humorist, Humble Teacher

I start today at Vista Ford, home of my tragic leasing experience some fifteen years ago. For some reason I am inspired to visit the establishment once again. Don’t know why, but my gut is telling me it is where I need to start my 365 quest today.

I get this internal message loud and clear as I’m traveling East with my friend and driver for the afternoon, Danny. Vista five miles behind us, I question the prompting. Thinking why turn around? Backtrack a route already traveled? Makes no sense?

Committed as I am to 365, there is only one answer; “turn around, re-calculate and head West,” back to the gut inspired Ford dealership.

Back, past ten minutes of already traveled street we find ourselves wandering the car lot, “no one in sight.” A couple more minutes pass, our anticipated salesman approaches, politely sporting a white shirt and extroverted smile.

Not bagging on his effort, I feel no inspiration at all to photograph him. However, honest to the 365 effort, I know that I must invite him. As I assume, he declines the offer, leaving us with zero prospects in sight. It is a very hot summer afternoon. I am not surprised the area is void of people.

We withdraw to the shade of the car to continue our search for today’s 365 friend.

Two mile more to the West, Dan suggests a pit stop in a local shopping center, something about the suggestion feels right. “I wonder if the Vista Ford pit stop is an inspiration to pilot us in a new direction.” A romantic thought, and one that I will own.

Intermission:

Literally, as I am writing this entry, I’m looking across the table at six of my closest friends. Accompanied by their children, it’s Sunday family and social night. I’ve taken my break for the day and with dinner over, have settled into an evening of games, conversation and writing while we play. Everyone is getting used to me working on this blog. So even though they are with me in the journey, all harassment is fair game.

That said, It would be short-changing my friends to not publish their remarks. My friend Pam kicks in, “If you’re dissing us, you better write about me.” She challenges me, “I’m going to start my own blog on a leap year. So I’ll beat you with 366 days… eat that!”

She has started the “give it to Radstone train” and I gladly sport my target face. The whole group steps up to play and are all on a roll in tossing amazingly well though out jabs at me. It’s like a roast and I’m the guest of honor. I keep my focus and through jest after jest dart hitting me like bullets, I do not break stride. Words fly at me faster than I can record, none breaking my typing rhythm. I’m in keyboard nirvana.

Their effort is stellar. My following response is a tribute to their witty contributions of the evening; “zerberts to all and nose to the iPad for me.” I’m telling you, “I’m turning into a 365 writing machine.”

This verbal jousting barrage over, it’s karaoke time, a perfect jumping off point to take my leave in introducing you to today’ friend.

So with the haunting sounds of lounge music behind me, I ask you to welcome at center stage, our friend for the day: Jenna.

Danny and I stroll upon her chatting with friends outside of the Corner Club (a little sports bar) in Woodland Hills. The place is a touch out of my comfort zone, but there is a magnetic energy that inspires us to approach the group. As we arrive, we meet our first challenge, being able to tolerate the bantering from one member of the group. A friendly enough bloke who gives us a bit of a sarcastic hassle. It is obvious that he has no intentions of allowing us to photograph him. We allow him to state all of his input and he quietly retreats to the solace of the bar inside, leaving Jenna and I the privacy to talk.

At first I’m uncertain of where we will go in our conversation. Not knowing exactly how to relate, I jump right in with question #2, “Is there anything you would like to share with my readers?” That’s all it takes. Instantly Jenna and I are deep in discussion. She has a ton to say and all is very relevant. As always, now I know why I am here, at this place, at this time, standing with Jenna.

First off, Jenna has a sweet spirit about her. She begins her council by stating, “Life is tough for everybody, but some make it a bigger deal than it has to be. They forget about each other, overreact and disregard the fact that we are all in this life together.”

A struggling actor, Jenna has experienced the high and lows of being an artist. Yet she is highly optimistic, quoting as piece of advice she picked up from a Martin Scorsese interview, His father’s advice: “Nothing is more tragic than a wasted talent.”

She goes on to tell me that although this has been an incredibly difficult year, she has reached a time in her life where she is no longer fighting for control. And doing so has bought many new opportunities to her. She is honest with me in what is helping to pay her bills, a YouTube spoof on sex advise, telling me that although it is somewhat raunchy, she draws the line at nudity. She takes the hits when people call her a porn star, but that is farthest from her values. I know, for many the line is black and white on the topic. But Jenna is resolute that her show is a means to an end, and she will not compromise in full-scale pornography.

Her stance, “you can only lose your dignity once.” And for Jenna, pornography would be just that.

It is not our place to judge the intent of others. And after spending time chatting with Jenna, I am positive her point-of-view is of good rapport. And you will absolutely see why in a moment.

She comfortably states, “happiness is not about money or status, it’s about self-worth.” A theme that is becoming strong through line in 365. So how does a statement like this balance with smiling off the accusations of being a porn star.

Now I ask you to take off your first impression glasses and read on.

What really peaks my interest in Jenna is her dedication to the future of our youth. Specifically those with special needs. The catalyst for all of her efforts, and compromises, she has made in making income through her acting talents. And I’m sure you realize just how hard it is to survive in the entertainment jungle. Especially for the single folk.

For 18 years Jenna has dedicated her life to teaching special need children, specializing working with kid roughly eleven-years old. An age that somehow seems to fall through the cracks with many taking no interest. A point of view that most would not entertain from a person hanging out at a grungy sports bar. I take careful notes, noticing things like the healthy Peach Yogurt she is carrying, planning on eating it while her comrade’s down other more intoxication beverages.

We are interrupted mid interview, when politely she redirects an aggressive fellow, seemingly not wanting to have the topic at hand polluted by loud distractions.

She goes on to expand that what is important to her is being able to separate her acting decisions from her pursuits in helping special children to build healthy self-esteem. Encouraging them to work hard and not be lazy. When we talk of this aspect of her life, I see great pride and compassion in her continence as she states, “I want them to succeed.”

I can tell by the look on her face that her life has not been easy, and that she is a fighter. We speak of many more things. Too many to write in my allotted word count commitment. Even now I am close to 400 words over my targeted 1000 or less writing rule.

I do so with purpose.

Many of my entries have touched on the topic: “We cannot judge a book by its cover.”

This afternoon as I approached, even interrupted, a group of friends enjoying their weekend leisure, perhaps I am the one to be judged.

To again quote Jenna, “Life is tough for everybody, but some make it a bigger deal than it has to be. They forget about each other, overreact and disregard the fact that we are all in this life together.”

Words to ponder?!