Friendship

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 216: “It’s OK To Be Bored Every Once In A While”

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“It’s OK to be bored every once in a while.

For some people… being bored is a sin, but if you look at it as a space where you can shut down stimulus so your mind can work… it’s really a place where you can come up with fresh ideas.

Boredom is not pleasant… there are external things to combat it… or you can simply let your mind wander.

If you accept it, it can become a garden where you can grow new ideas.”

At first I am a little confused by this council provided to us by Kiev born friend of the day, Dmitry.

In a considerate and heavily accented Russian voice, Dmitry is calm and calculated in his words as he sets the stage for our curbside discussion in a fashionable Beverly Hills shopping and dining district.

He is a wonderful anomalies to the general tone of the public that is usual to the 90210 destination; part one of the reason why his appearance strikes me to reach out to him.

Part two, he is reading as he walks. On a street where so many are caught up in the happenings of browsing from store window to store window, it is quite curious as to who this Jimmy Hendrix attired and haired man is.

And a Russian student of law, studying at the prestigious Pepperdine University of Law was farthest from my mind.

“I came to the United States thirty-three years ago, back when the Soviet Union was still Communist.

My family was allowed to leave during the 2nd wave of the great Jewish migration.

We were helped by the State of Israel and other organizations in the Untied States. 250 thousand were allowed to leave. Eventually all of my family was allowed to leave, I was ten years old.

It was a very interesting experience, a week in Vienna, a couple of months in Rome being processed, and then to a Chicago family who sponsored us. A year after that we came to Los Angeles.”

I have to ask, “Was the persecution apparent?”

“’I did not experience any direct Anti-Semitism; I was shielded by my teachers, parents and grandparents.

But I do remember my father telling me that, as a Jew, if I was to get any kind of education, I would have to be a perfect student and get all A’s. I carried that with me for a lot of years. The thought that in order to get accepted, or to be successful, I would have to do everything perfect… Perfect… Because I was a Jew.

I’ve since then let go of the idea of perfection. I can best explain it with an expression I heard from a film editor, ‘Perfect is the enemy of the good.’

It was said in the context of art, but it can apply to any human endeavor.

It’s like if you are trying to make a good painting, maybe even a great painting, if the focus in on perfection… the painting will most likely be inferior.

This is true to life in general; politics, business and relationships… definitely true for relationships.’”

Dmitry elaborates on his philosophy of boredom, “With TV, Satellite, Social Media… iPads, iPhones, it’s easy to be entertained every minute of the day. But do we actually listen for new ideas, poems, business ideas, songs or anything else.”

“Do we actually listen?” I pause.

Earlier Dmitry suggests, “…there are external things to combat it…”

What business is he actually doing this day…? I do not know. Is he stimulated by the storefronts…? I don’t think so… Is he bored…? I’m uncertain…

Yet whether bored or not, Dmitry is engaged in his mind-set of shutting out external stimulus as he strides with novel in hand… reading and carefully navigating the sidewalk.

“…or you can simply let your mind wander…” he says.

Perhaps Dmitry is seemingly disengaged from society with face in book? Or is he living as he preaches in simply letting his mind wander?

“…If you accept it, it can become a garden where you can grow new ideas.”

In the way Dmitry quickly and pleasantly converses with me, the answer is uncovered. Dmitry is putting something into his mind.

“’Boredom is one of those dumb words like kingdom, freedom or abandon, I know abandon is a ‘don’ rather than a ‘dom’ end of word,'” he explains.

“Words ending in dom are dominion words, referring to a place or a state to inhabit. If you shut yourself of from boredom, you are reducing your space to roam, or graze. It is a space where you can plant and develop ideas.”

Dmitry is confident thinker, with a mind tempered for careful examination of humanity and a heartfelt desire to better the planet.

“The number one challenge for the future is to find a source of energy that does not rely on limited resources. We had the Manhattan projects Nuclear Fission and they managed to do it in three years.

We need another Manhattan project for Fusion… it is the alternate source.

Fusion not Fission, Fission’s byproduct is radioactive, Fusion’s byproduct is Helium.”

He lengthens his progressive point of view towards what is to come, “There will be more of us. We have to ethically and morally commit that is a good thing. To not do so would be genocide”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 213: “It Will Make You A Stronger Person”

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I spent a bunch of time trying to be witty, insightful and entertaining in my writing today. Draft after draft I’ve written, and the more I try to weave my thoughts into the words of today’s friend, Michelle, the more I even bore myself.

Draft four has just hit the circular file, and in tossing it, I realize the Michelle has hit the ball out of the park with her comments. So in respect for you and to fully give credit to whom the applause is due, I present you the direct words of Michelle.

“Live life intelligently, and acknowledge that mistakes are bound to happen. Take them as lessons and learn from them. Don’t beat yourself up in accepting that nothing and no one is perfect… even yourself.

And, the more we forgive ourselves as well as others, the more emotionally aware we are as a person. The goal being internal peace… I know it’s hard to reach, but I believe it is attainable.

It’s all about how we live our lives and the way we treat others. There are so many levels of understanding towards people, and if we live life with an active awareness, living it and being aware, we will have more personal satisfaction while inspiring the people around us.

We can choose to bring peace to any situation or place. And if we do, we are stronger for other people. And that will also make us better people.”

Society in general is on a downward spiral. Sadly, I have to say that it is becoming too self-absorbed. I understand that we need to take care of ourselves. And I realize that in being responsible, some of life has to be that way.

It’s OK that everyone is an individual; it is supposed to be like that. But too many are becoming selfish and narcissistic; not paying attention to the bigger issues that are greater than themselves.

Everything happens for a reason, even the bad. You have to grow from it… learn from it… It’s all part of a bigger picture in your journey through life, and it is part of your personal experience… Embrace it… Accept it… It will make you a stronger person.”

Michelle… home run kiddo!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 179: Listen and Not Look

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It is 8:00pm on a very chilly and foggy weeknight, the Promenade is buzzing with people of character and great diversity. From street performers to locals to tourists the boulevard is just beginning to energize in readying itself for the nights progression.

And after 178 days of wandering for strangers I see it as a heaven-sent change of pace to be circulating in a highly bustling area, The Third Street Promenade, a Santa Monica central point for shopping and dining.

Even though the evening air is brisk and filled with the moisture of coastal dew, the atmosphere is warmed by the ebbing movement of man and sound; so when from amidst the wandering chaos appears to me a voice, “Sir, are you a registered voter?” I halt my quest for stranger in opening a 365 hand of friendship to an unknown solicitor as he works to acquire signatures to support upcoming voting initiatives. A very tough thing to do in the 2012’s. Times where so many of us are continually bombarded with unrequested sales calls, spam and the ongoing assault of door knocks and excuse me’s. Plus, in my own journeys I have developed a soft spot for anyone who has the courage to reach out to strangers with any legitimate request.

“What’s your name?” I ask as I am brought up to speed on issues ranging from the FDA to education to the environment.

“Josh,” my new friend answers.

He and I decide to grab a seat by a nearby planter to review the list of ballot items he has on his clipboard, as well as engage in a conversation of life and personal histories.

Josh has had a hard life… felony convictions, alcoholism and past of pain and violence. His perspective is dark, but as he speaks the importance of family and of protecting the children rises to the top of his priorities.

“We have to protect our kids,” Josh boldly postures. He has a zero tolerance rule when it comes to protecting the innocence and virtue of the child. Again boldly and obviously from the heart, “I advise us all to be vigilantes against child molesters.”

Josh and I speak of recovery from addiction and the pain of overcoming its evil grasps. “I’ve seen demons,” he tells me. Words that I’ve heard often from many of my 365 friends who are in the depths of addictions or on the path to recovery.

I ask Josh if he has any words of wisdom for us. “Can I answer that with a question?” he requests.

“This is your time Josh, you can answer any way you like,” I inform.

He advises us to consider, “If you had three wishes, what would they be?”

“Do you want to hear mine?” says Josh.

And his answer is peacefully dark.  Peacefully Dark? That’s a very strange set of words to link… “I know. But they truly describe the safe feeling that emits from Josh.”

Yet, I am saddened by his dreams, “I’d like to know if there is a way to die a three-way death. A death of not only my body, but a death of my spirit and soul. I don’t trust that I’m going to heaven, and I don’t even believe in heaven or hell. I believe we have a Creator, but no one really knows what will happen when we die… and I don’t want to be part of if.”

Now, I have no idea of the pains Josh has lived through, nor do I judge him for his outlook. Whatever has brought him to this place in life is not mine to carry. What is important is to do whatever I can to understand him as a person.

My perspective on the thought of where we go after death? I have hope for where we are going and nothing in this life happens for naught. Be it tragic, or be it glorious… all experiences in some way or another can bring us light and move us forward.

We have spoken often of tolerance and compassion, and of learning to accept each other for who we are and to do what we can to pass it on.

I tell Josh of some of my past dark times. Times that were not quite as deep as Josh’s history, but dark enough to at least help us to see a little commonality.

“I’ve had times that I’ve felt similar to you, but I promise if you hang on, a light will appear,” I reveal to Josh, and now you know that too.

I cannot say for certain that we wholly agreed, but non-the-less, Josh and I find a union in a momentary voice of friendship.

Josh, stretches his shirt, “This is my family; my grandson David, my step daughter Ester, my daughter Anna and sons Elijah and Erik.”

The picture becomes clearer. True… Josh has led a difficult life, but in his soberness of thought for the children and through his uncertainty of what is to come after this life, I see a man who is searching for a better world and questioning his own place in it.

Apparently the world has hit Josh hard in some way. However, he is here. Raising children, sober and doing the best he can to support them.

Can any of us who have not walked in the footsteps of Josh accurately say how we would cope in a life after prison and addiction?

This is a cruel world at times. The news shows that to us every day. In the media and life we witness some of the most hideous atrocities. But at the end of the day, we also see many great acts of kindness and growth in humanity.

My take away from meeting Josh… He has humanity and is a survivor with a purpose… and that purpose is his children.

Any man who proudly bears the names of his kids on a tee-shirt and hold the strongest concern for their future is good in my book.

Per his hope for what is to come… Josh, we wish you a life full of peace and may the darkness dissipate.

Josh is a provider, eight bucks a signature… I sign them all.

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 174: Young Survivors

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Two nights ago you were with me at Cloud 9 Hookah Lounge as we spent a short time with Karnnitha, a young woman with a true purpose in life. She shared with us her insights and desire to reach out in helping the women of the world, enlightening us to the troubles facing the many unfortunate young women.

We talked of the greatness in all of us and today we will pick that discussion back up in meeting our new friends of day 174.

But before I tell you about them, I have a confession; I did not meet them today. I actually met them as I was leaving Cloud 9 after my interview of Karnnitha.

Picture me as a 365 billboard, everywhere I go handing out cards in promoting its purpose to all I pass by. So as I leave Cloud 9, I take a second to say hello to a group enjoying an evening of Hookah chill.

Well… a second turns into twenty minutes. Fascinating conversation and by the glow in faces of my unknown, and young acquaintances, is a proclamation of their great depth and experience. I cannot pass on extending them an offer to contribute to 365. They light up and we arrange a meeting place, Rite Aid in the Calabasas commons shopping center. A strange place to meet, but it is there call… so I go with it.

Two days pass and I find myself standing outside of our agreed upon Rite Aid. Its cold, and waiting in the parking lot, I stand in expectation of my friend’s arrival. When from behind me I hear, “Richard.” I turn and there they are, two unique and caring young adults, both obviously committed to their special friendship, readers please give welcome to survivors, Taylor and Ben.

You will understand what I mean by survivors as you read on.

I have to ask, “Why Rite Aid?”

“It’s our office, we have a place to sit in the back,” They laugh.

“The managers and everyone who works here knows us, its warm and they let us hang out. Sometimes they even feed us.”

That place to sit they talk of… the waiting area of the pharmacy. We even have a screen for privacy. At one point during beginning introductions the manager walks over, places his hand on the screen and firmly commands, “Why is this here!”

Ben fly’s off, “Because we need privacy!”

I’m caught a little off guard, and trying to lessen the uncomfortable situation, I try to diffuse, “Do you want me to take them outside?” I joke with what looks like a very annoyed store manager.

They all crack up. The joke is on me. These kids are special and the manager knows it. Seems I’ve been set up. Our manager friend replaces the screen and we begin a deeper conversation.

Taylor goes first in encouraging all, “Don’t give up, only the strong survive.”

Only the strong survive? A very bold opening statement from a very young mind.

I quickly discover that Taylor has earned the badges to own such a sentence.

“I was very rebellious, ran away at fourteen, I lied about my age, told them I was sixteen and got a job at a restaurant that paid under the table. From there I couched it at friends houses until one day I moved in at the house of a guy that I really liked. That was a big mistake. The police came and arrested everyone. I got sent to one of those places in Utah for a year and a half. I hated it, but it saved me. While I was there I wrote letters to my father, he was in too.”

I have to interrupt, “He was in too? Was you father incarcerated?”

“Yes,” Taylor tells me, “But our letters helped bring us together and motivated both of us to rebuild our lives.”

Under sixteen and rebuilding her life? Think about that for a moment…

Taylor is a unique young woman, she is a blend of radical independence mixed with a charming and heart-felt attachment to the importance of family.

“Man! It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, if you have family, they will always be there. You have to have good family values.”

Even though Taylor and her father have lived, and learned, via the school of hard knocks, they both have a special connection, one that is apparent in Taylor’s words.

So what is core to Taylor’s rebellion? Believe it or not it is a medical condition, ADHD. In telling me of it Taylor speaks with the maturity of a women twice her age and has a regard for its influence on her life. Yet she looks at life with optimism and vigor, “You only have one life to live, if you are given the opportunity to do it, take it, and you have to be yourself.”

With the inclusion of Ben, we talk about being yourself. Taylor talks of life and what she sees in other kids her age, “People need to find happiness from within, not from the world around them. So many kids are unhappy. That’s why they go to school with guns or overdose, because they are unhappy.”

Ben opens up, “I’d love to see us all get alone. I see too many people hating and fighting because of religion and skin color. And I believe in second chances. If someone messes us, we have to give them a second chance.”

“Easy for a kid to say…” the pessimistic may shout. But I tell you, of all the people I know, Ben is the one who has the right to make this claim.

“When I was five I was shot because I am Jewish. I got hit by two bullets, one in the leg and the other in the abdomen. I lost fifty percent of my blood and almost died.

The guy who shot me was a member of the Arian Nation Movement and came here from Idaho to make his point. He walked into our Jewish Center and opened up… shot five of us. Then he left and shot and killed a Filipino man at another location. It was a big deal and in the national news. I remember meeting President Clinton, my mom speaking to Ted Kennedy, and a lot of other famous people stood by us. But that was a while ago. I’m past it and hold no hatred for what happened to me.”

By the way, Ben is also diagnosed with ADHD, part of the reason for the special bond of friendship he and Taylor share.

Ben has been brutally attacked by the hate of the world and Taylor has walked the paths of the lost, but both together prove the wonderment of the healing power of friendship.

A gentle giant, Ben speaks optimistically of the world, “I’d like to see a future where more people are sharing. People are selfish and greedy and that gets them in a lot of trouble.

And also, I’d like to see more real friendships.”

Taylor has this infections smile, and with it she praises Ben’s view of friendships with a loving, “Amen!”

These two young adults have seen life through dark forests, and even now they are not fully clear of the thistles.

Taylor talks of young womanhood and charges the new generating to shape up, “’The next generation of guys need to treat their women better. It’s not just the way they act, that Cholo thing; it’s the media too. They are messed up and trained to look at women as less than. They look at us as ‘Ho’s’ and ‘Bitches.’ What’s even sadder is the women are buying into it too. I know this first hand, I used to live that way and know how it feels. Girls need to step up and the guys need to respect them.’”

It is remarkable to meet two young people with the depth of life perspective, and experience, as both Ben and Taylor possess. In listening to them, I am acutely aware of the conditions the youth of America endure. Both of these special kids show astonishing stamina, and show powerful desire to overcome their obstacles.

Ben is in the fight for focus, and Taylor is battling to find her way through a history of vice and rebellion. But in both of these outstanding emerging individuals I see one common voice. A voice standing strong in a unified call to action.

As I mentioned, “There is greatness in all of us,” and Ben and Taylor are seeking theirs.

Ben, Taylor, you are of a noble generation, may you grow to be all that you can, and be able to do your part in making the planet a better place, we are counting on you.

Now go live your greatest dreams, my young friend!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 173: “Quiet and Loving Greatness”

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“’My dad said you can do anything you want to do if you work hard enough. He was very strict and I always addressed him with ‘yes sir’ or ‘no sir.’ He was a workaholic. I did not understand it at the time, but now I do. He was teaching me.’”
—Ramon

“I’ll never view our friendship the same.” After twenty years of both a professional and growing friendship, it is a pleasure to call Chrissy (not photographed) my friend.

For close to 20-years we’ve seen each others lives develop. From career advancements to our marriages we have always stayed in contact. In a world as competitive, and seasonal, as the entertainment industry, it is quiet a special thing to meet people like Chrissy.

She is a person of remarkable values, and whether in rain or shine, we have always managed to somehow stay in touch.

I start today’s entry using this tribute in crediting Chrissy as the purest way to light the marque in introducing our newest friend, Chrissy’s father Ramon – Age Ninety.

It is Ramon’s birthday party, and I have been invited to meet him. What I did not realize, is that other than immediate family, I am the only guest. I can’t tell you how humbled I am to find this out and to be privileged to be enjoying a home-made lunch with six of the warmest people I have ever met. All a credit to family unity and absolute love.

And to be a participant in celebrating the life of the man who set the bar for the values that Chrissy and her family radiate is an honor greater than winning any industry award.

This is what life’s about, family and the traditions therein; the families we came from, the families we are starting, or even the families we create in our friendships. And today, after over twenty years of friendship with Chrissy, I feel as if I have a larger family in spending time with her, her brother and family, and my new friend, her father, Ramon.

Ramon tells me of his childhood, “’My dad said you can do anything you want to do if you work hard enough. He was very strict and I always addressed him with ‘yes sir’ or ‘no sir.’ He was a workaholic. I did not understand it at the time, but now I do. He was teaching me.’”

On a shelf are photos of his father and mother, Chrissy gets them down and shows them to me.

“I remember working with dad, dad built a Mexican bakery and I worked there when I was in high school. We lived in a house behind it, and later built a store in the front.”

That store…? It is right next to Ramon’s niece’s house where we are having our birthday celebration. The store has been sold by the family now, but it still stands as recognition of Ramon’s fathers accomplishments.

“’My dad was a very good businessman, he said, ‘One day I’m going to own the whole block,’ and he did end us buying most of it.’”

With ninety years of rich history Ramon is remarkably clear in his detailed remembrance of his life. We talk of his earliest childhood memories. Family, his life as an athlete (very accomplished at football and baseball), living through wars, the growth of Long Beach, and of his marriage.

With tears, “My wife is a good woman, she always gave… worked for 40 years as a social worker. For ten years I worked at the same Catholic welfare center as she did. That’s where I met her. She was so smart and loving.”

Ramon breaks down in emotion as he tenderly talks about his wife. I’m chocked up by his show of tears and sitting next to us, as well touched by the moment, Chrissy says, “Did dad tell you why mom is not here?”

That’s part of the reason Ramon is gentle and watery eyed.

We talk of purpose, “I don’t fully know my purpose anymore” Ramon tears.

You see… Ramon’s wife is in deep stages of Alzheimer’s, and with the aid of a caregiver, he takes care of her full-time in the house of their dreams.

“I want her to be in her home,” Ramon shines.

I’m chocking up, “Might I suggest something?” I ask.

We pause and I call it as I see it, “You have raised a wonderful family, all intelligent, caring, self-sustaining and loving. Plus, you are doing all you can to give your sweetheart comfort. Perhaps that is a big part of your purpose?”

Ramon is a Christian, “We have to stay with Christianity,” he says. “I know it looks bleak, but with the help of God, I know it will all work out.”

We talk of the eternal perspective, a view shared by many faiths in one way or another, and a point that has given many of us comfort in times of trial or grief.

“Maybe in the eternal perspective, you and she will be together again,” I share as we shift subjects.

Ramon relates his wishes for us in a captivating way, sharing his life and relating it to his wishes for us.

“My dad taught me the importance of respect for family and work ethic. And working with my wife as a social worker I learned compassion and understanding.”

Ninety years walking the planet, Ramon has seen a lot, lived full and loved well. All evident in the children he has raised.

Ramon gives us insight as to preparing for the future, “Education, get as much as you can… Travel, and see the world. You have to see how other people live so you can see what the world really is and who people really are.”

“I was lucky enough to work as a social worker. I worked with all kinds of kids by day, and hard to reach groups by night. That, plus thirty years working in oil refinery with Arco helped me to travel and see things.”

Sure… A close friend of mine introduces me to her father Ramon; yet in meeting him I realize there are strangers nearer than we think. Could be a distant family member, a relation of a friend or even a link through a neighbor. But in the end, we are all a family of sorts in sharing this earth. And the more we reach out to meet whomever, the better we all will be.

Chrissy, Family and new friend Ramon, thanks for letting me into your lives.

And Ramon, your wisdom and love is felt by us all. Live long my friend.

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 170: “Anarchy Scares Me”

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Let us keep moving forward in our effort to unite as a people. Day 170 has hit us and 365 is moving so fast. I can’t believe that in less than two weeks we will be at the halfway point. Not sure how we are going to celebrate this mid-point mark. If anyone has a suggestion, please pass it on. And whatever we decide to do, lets thinks of a way to get the message out further.

“We are all in this thing together,” I never get tired of saying it, and I sincerely hope it is becoming a mantra to us all. One-by-one may we pass it forward as a tribute to the individual influence we are to the world around us. We are a powerful bunch and with our united voice the combined acts we carry forward are nothing to ignore.

I know, it’s crazy to me in seeing how my photographer’s blog has evolved to carry a social message. And weirder yet, I’m starting to become an activist of some kind. That is something that has occurred beyond my control. I must express my appreciation to all who have helped to form the basis of my blogs content, over 200 photographs, and in excess of 150,000 words to date. All with meaning that is not of me, but of my strangers turned friends. Perspectives that are further fueled by the dedicated following of you, my readers. Please keep the comments coming. And by all means, keep passing it on.

I run into another friend today who edifies our effort in seeing beyond the veil of cultural difference, “Don’t let religious differences or politics get in the way of us existing globally. What is important is the health of the planet and learning to coexist peacefully,” Opening advice from producer, father and writer, Rusty.

I meet Rusty at the garage sale of another new friend of mine. Garage sale is a huge understatement. It is more of a high-end gem and antique store hidden in the veins of suburbia lifestyle.

I’d like to spend this whole entry talking on my buddies sale, but needless to say, the story here has to be dedicated to Rusty.

Rusty expresses a concern regarding a block to the world he wishes for. A world where more will have a greater respect for the environment and humanity. “Corporate greed will not let that happen,” he warns.

Yet he does expose a glimmer of hope in charging us to duty. “It is kind of scary seeing what is happening, but in this is the age of information, we can create a domino effect in getting the word out, to open people’s eyes. We have the ability to stir up the pot.”

I have kids; I’m worried about this country and about what the future will bring for them, and us all.

In the 50’s we worried about Russia and the cold war. My children won’t have to deal with things like that. Now the war is with ourselves, and I wonder what is going on behind the closed doors of corporations and politics. But it is good that more and more people are starting to open their eyes.”

“How do we repair the damage,” Rusty proposes.

He answers his own query, “We have to become proactive, I don’t want to see a collective anarchy or people over reacting. Anarchy scares me, but if we do fall to it, I hope that once the dust settles, we will be in a better place.”

Even tough Rusty and I speak of the worries of anarchy there is a real peace in our conversation. A peace that I will admit is core to my spiritual outlook on life. But a peace that has been strengthened by the many who have graciously accepted my invitations to contribute to 365. And yes, even those who have mocked me over the last few months have collectively contributed to the song that we are beginning to sing.

There are a lot of great people on this planet; I know this first hand in meeting many of them. For this, I am grateful for Rusty’s words.

May we all be united in building a better planet. The time is right and the seeds are planted. It is up to us to nurture the garden in growing respect for one another. One kind word or act is more influential than we think. As Rusty advises, “We have to become proactive.”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 123: “To Walk With Them As The Same”

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Dinner is in one hour and I decide to take a short evening stroll. Just need a little time of introspection to flush out my head. It’s been a buried business day, and albeit a positive one, I welcome a brief escape.

Well, I call it a stroll, but you and I both know, it’s really a thirty-pound of photo gear on shoulder world exploration. That’s just the way life is with my 365 commitment, and thank you for being with me on this amazing experience.

Today marks over four months for 365, and through it, we have witnessed the birth of a global community. I often say that I have no idea of were 365 is taking us. But one thing is apparent; it is helping many of us to reach out to the world.

I’ve been sincerely reading your remarks and have checked out your blogs. Your comments have been inspired and we now have over 1300 registered followers. Not bad for a little rag-tag blog.

365 is truly becoming more than a personal travel log, it has grown to be about people beyond us. Many new friends have joined us, and, in meeting them; it’s been constantly humbling the way they are driving us forward.

A new vocabulary of life’s perspectives is emerging, transparent to us all. With this, another global statement must be noted, “The world is filled with great people.”

And in talking of greatness, I am not focusing on media giants, wealth or any other form of power. The greatness I am referring to is the willingness of so many to look beyond themselves in honoring each other. A willingness that I am grateful to be part of every day as I reach out to my neighbor’s  of planet earth.

May we all continue to unite in “humanalution” (there’s that word I invented again).

With all this said, it is appropriate that I run into Justin, a very cool cat who is caretaking at Cloud 9 Hookah Lounge.

The place is only footsteps from my front door; yet, I’ve always been intimidated to walk in. Not because I don’t smoke, but embarrassingly, I have been afraid of a preconceived cultural divide. Thinking that whoever is in there… they will not understand who I am.

I am proven way off base, when I meet Justin, as he is setting a sidewalk sign. In approaching him, I feel of a peace he emits. And soon you will join me in understanding why.

“Be strong, not physically, but mentally,” Justin’s first advice for us.

He talks with optimism, all the while, directing it away from himself, “Provide yourself with more than you think you can do. Whatever it is, you can achieve it. And don’t stop dreaming, because dreams are the keys to the world.”

“Dreams are the keys to the world.” Not passion, not desire, not plans, not even education… Just dreams.

Justin and I talk about dreams for a while. In the end we conclude, that dreams are greater than passion, and are an important connection in defining our purpose on this planet. Thus, purpose, becomes the purest form of human motivation, for without it, how can we truly grow to find our fullest potential?

I’m writing a paper on purpose, and will share it with you in the future.

And for the sake of introducing the concept, Justin is our man of the hour.

On his arm is this tattoo, a self-written mission for life. It reads, “To walk with them as the same, thy here to take their pain, help them when they can not change.”

How eloquently this self-created, and very poetic verse, relates to the literal DNA of Justin’s love for the world around him.

“In high school, my career councilor told me that my tests showed that I had a propensity towards being a teacher, pastor or someone sharing a message.”

“To walk with them as the same, thy here to take their pain, help them when they can not change.” Purpose? I think so!

Here is the kind of stuff Justin does. He talks of pay it forward. But for him it is more than a concept… it’s a call to action. “Not so long ago a friend and I go into a Starbucks. We give $100 to the guy at the counter and asked him to use it to cover all the next customers until it is gone. We asked him to do it with one condition, ask everyone who receives the paid for drink to pass on a good deed.”

A monumental gesture from an (I’m sure) under funded twenty-two year old. His story blows me away. Like I said, “The world is filled with great people.”

“To walk with them as the same, thy here to take their pain, help them when they can not change…” Please go on?

Justin is a humble guy, he credits his career ambitions to words of his father, “My dad once told me that I have a gift; I did not understand what he was talking about at the time. But now I think I’m starting to.”

Justin is not boastful, self-promoting or egotistical at all in opening up with me, “I’ve always been a good listener and somehow I calm people.”

Calm people– “To walk with them as the same, thy here to take their pain, help them when they can not change.

Justin’s goal, “I’m about to start my training as a Hypnotherapist, I start school next month and will be practicing in six months. I want to use the gifts that have been given to me to help others. I hope I’ve found a way to do it.”

In speaking about the future.

“I want things get better politically, the government is going crazy.”

And on a more personal note, “Health wise, everyone in on drugs! I’m scared for the future.”

At first, I think he is using everyone in on drugs as symbolism for the way the world is running itself. On Drugs, meaning, Out of Control.

That is not what Justin is talking about; he is speaking of the factual use of drugs.

“Too many of my friends have fallen to hard drugs like XTC and Cocaine. I’ve seen it ruin their lives.”

“I remember learning this in high school, stay away from drugs, being told that Marijuana is a gateway drug. And now I fully understand, seeing how it is affecting my friends.

I even had to end my relationship with my girlfriend. She changed for the worst after getting into smoking Marijuana. She became an angry person, not the person who I knew before her addiction.”

Drug addiction has become quite a through-line over the last week… Strange how the web of 365 is forming?

All I can say is I’m glad I’m hanging in the Hookah. Still don’t smoke, but maybe I’ll stop by one and a while for a soft drink and a chat.

“Justin, I’m sure we will not be strangers.”

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 101: Gambling The Right Way

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From time to time, I’ve spoken of my birthplace, London, England. And though my family migrated to the United States in 1961, me being age one, my blood runs Brit. Love my Roast Beef and Yorkshire pud, balancing my peas on the back of the fork and any form of dry wit.

My first year on American soil was spent in Los Angeles, and upon finding work as a tailor, my father relocated the family to Las Vegas in 1962, a story in itself, one that I will some day reveal in a screen play that I’m working on.

So in a way, I am a Vegas guy, but in no way subscribe to the Las Vegas hype of, “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.”

I’ll admit, “I had a studio there in the late 80’s, even lived the life and became a big fish in the city for a while.”

But my hey day was short-lived, and ultimately came crashing down in the early 90’s… another screenplay in itself. After that, I relocated to Los Angeles. Sort of reversing my father’s LA to LV path.

No regrets in leaving Las Vegas, my campaign headline, “What’s Raised in Las Vegas, Leaves Las Vegas.”

There was a time that I said, “Lot’s of memories, but no future.” Farthest from the truth, life is great and Los Angeles has been very good to me.

Why do I share this history? I feel I have to in introducing our new friend of day 101, Daniel. His trade, Professional Gambler.

“Ah? The Las Vegas connection? We get it!”

Hollywood has done us wrong with its interpretation in the sex appeal of gambling and its caricature of excitement of endless nightlife. And, I’m sure many of us have seen the darkness of its addiction; with friends, or perhaps even ourselves falling paralyzed, or worst, destroyed by seductive allure of high stake nightlife.

I myself have walked the edge of the Scene, experiencing it from both the sides of the coin (no pun intended). I’ve walked with Casino executives and stood by the side of many a gambler. Fortunately for me, I dodged the snare of the gaming trap, but I wholly know the players of the game.

So to meet a pro gambler in a very suburban part of the San Fernando Valley hits me as both sublime and powerful.

Why sublime? Daniel is a regular guy, living a regular life, in a regular neighborhood, working a regular workweek.

He is not garbed in bling, wears no Armani, and is not clenching fists of greed earned money. Like I said, a regular guy, doing regular things on a regular Sunday.

I sight Daniel as he is raking leaves in his front yard. It’s a scene out of Mayberry RFD, and one that I can in no way pass on as I drive by him this day.

In my first meeting of Daniel, he is warm, welcoming and obviously doing his best to take care of his home. His yard is well-groomed; no pomp and not filled with hot cars, just a comfortable home, and yes, in a regular neighborhood.

Daniel is a shining example of balance. This is where I sense the aforementioned sublime irony of meeting a professional gambler living by modest means and an equally honest lifestyle.

He holds no punches in telling his story. “I’ve overcome a lot, drinking, hard drugs, the loss of a business (a sports bar) and a failed marriage.”

I ask Daniel if he is happy. “I am,” he tells me, elaborating, “I’ve never been focused on material things. I’ve learned that life has peaks and valleys; you just have to roll with them and not let them get to you. What is important is appreciating every moment in life as opportunity for learning.”

Earlier I used the word powerful in introducing Daniel. I know we can all agree on his above philosophy, one in which many of us are subscribing to in reading the various interviews of 365.

What is fascinating is the variety of means, and life experiences, many have shared with us in defining their personal outlooks. From courageous life changes to humble acceptance, self concern to concern for others and from wealthy to homeless, one message is coming to the surface in shining colors. We as a whole are not that different. We just need to look past the surface.

Daniel: Powerful?

It takes character to self evaluate and to grow stronger from doing so. And, growth is what Daniel is all about. He credits his rebirth to the Dalai Lama.

“I read a book that changed my life. I was angry at the world, and it controlled my life. His book healed me, and for that, I will forever be a better man.”

Daniel is a testament to self-control and thoughtfulness for others. “You have to use every moment as a test to master yourself. Its like… if a person cuts you off on the freeway, and they are raging. Don’t judge that person, just use the moment for positive. Don’t get mad or react. That way you contribute a positive message to the world, and in turn overcome your weaknesses.”

I start to realize the depth of Daniel and his advice.

He continues, “In Vegas casinos, I can be intimidating, I’m all tatted and look like a skin head. But really, I’m just going bald. Sometimes people are scared of me.” I lift my hat, relating to him on the balding issue, the scared of me… no so sure?

“From the way people view me I have learned to be patient and I treat all people the way I want to be treated… with tolerance.” Daniel sums up as he reveals the course of his life’s change.

“I did have an anger management problem, I paid the price, but all is in check now. Life is good, I’m re-married, happy, have freedom of mind and time to do what a love doing.”

Daniel, thanks for showing us how to gamble the right way.

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 70: For the Love of Dogs

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“I’m cheating!”

These are the words my husband, Richard, springs on me this morning.

“What?”

He continues to unload his burden:  “I’m cheating. When the dog groomer called to confirm our appointment, I just couldn’t help myself. I asked her if she would be my 365 subject for the day. How could I do that?  I mean, she’s not really a stranger?”

I looked at him for a moment and then launched into my lecture (poor hubby) – it went something like this:

People in the Sun, 1960, Edward Hopper (Smithsonian American Art Museum)

TERRI (that’s me):
Richard, I think you know that one of my favorite painters is Edward Hopper.

RICHARD:
[Nods, bracing himself for an analogy that may or may-not have any relevance to his concern about artistic integrity.]

TERRI:
Do you know one of the reasons he appeals to me?

RICHARD:
[(Thinking) I guess I’m about to find out.]

TERRI:
Well, next time you look at a Hopper painting, take a moment to observe the human interaction. You won’t find any. Check out People in the Sun, or Nighthawks  — people together, maybe even doing the same thing, but no interaction. His paintings are a commentary on our modern world. A person can live for years in the same home and never even know their next-door neighbor’s name.

RICHARD:
Yes! You are so right! (I love it when he says that).

TERRI:
Nikki has been grooming our dogs for almost 15 years. Tell me something about her.

RICHARD:
She grooms dogs…

TERRI:
And…

RICHARD:
… uh, she drives a mobile grooming truck.

TERRI:
She’s a stranger to you. You know, sweetheart, perhaps some of your 365 strangers are going to be the most obvious, and each of them has a story… just as much as the person you cold-intro yourself to at the airport or on the street.

RICHARD:
…will you write my blog for me today?

TERRI:
Ya, right!  Nice try.

Well, here I am, writing his blog.  Not because he is lazy or uninspired — but because he is worn-out!  If you read last night’s post you will know that after hanging-out with his new 365 fire-spinning friends, he didn’t crawl into bed until almost 3:30am, followed by a mid-morning conference call, working, shooting/interviewing his 365 friend for today, and some daddy-daughter time. Now, Richard is in great physical shape (teaches spinning 3 times week and mountain bikes some pretty gnarly trails), but he is no longer in his uh… 20s, so by 5pm he was done. Being the wonderful wife that I am, I took pity on him tonight and offered to write his 70th 365 post.

So, here it is…

Meet today’s friend, the lovely Nikki and her dog, Betty.

A professional pet groomer for 18 years, Nikki thinks everyone should love what they do, and it is clear that she lives by her own mantra. “I want everyone to have a nice-looking, clean, fluffy, good smelling dog.”

Starting her mobile business just two years after completing her training, her father calls her an entrepreneur, but Nikki prefers to think of herself as a perfectionist. For Nikki, it’s not about just getting the dog groomed and out-the-door, it is equally important to her to make the entire grooming experience as pleasant and stress-free as possible for the dog. She is pleased that she is often able to take on a difficult dog that is very resistant or scared of the grooming process and make it bearable for them. She does it for the love of the dogs.

Nikki’s desire for perfection is evident in her craft – she is one of the few dog groomers who use shears (not clippers) to hand-clip the finish work on dogs… OK, at this point I am sure some of you are thinking: “It’s a dog! Clippers. Shears. What difference does it make?” 

Well, here’s the difference (those of you who have a dog will know exactly what I’m talking about). Ever have your dog shaved by the vet, an inexperienced groomer, or for the summer? You barely get in the door and your dog is gone!  They are hiding from the world. They know how silly they look.  It’s really true.  The inverse is true when our Scottish Terrier hides when he hears Nikki’s truck pull up – he hates to be groomed, but believe me when I tell you, he struts around thinking he’s “all that” the minute he steps off her truck. He knows he looks good!

Nikki loves her craft and she takes it seriously; she is good at what she does and the difference is apparent. “I go beyond for my customers,” and the proof is self evident – she has so many dedicated customers that it is difficult for her to fit in newcomers

Driving from appointment to appointment, she is accompanied by her own pooch, Betty. A sweet, good-natured, American Bulldog, Betty began life with Nikki first as “Betty-Spaghetti,” and then “Betty White,” but they both agree now that Betty-Boop is the right name for her.

Nikki sees herself  “retiring” someday with an expanded business of mobile groomers, allowing her the time to breed American Bull Dogs.

Nikki, thank you! Keep doing what you love and what you do so well. You are an inspiration to all of us.

Richard’s back tomorrow!

SideWalk Ghosts / Interview 55: “My Kids Like To Talk To Me”

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For the past 55 days I’ve openly written about my life, my journeys and the people I meet. For four-weeks I have been especially exposed with so much time away from my family, so today I have embraced time with my daughter, sunrise to sunset, and it’s been great.

One more level to know about myself and my family, we are home schoolers.

First off, I need to dismiss one myth: my girl is well-socialized, well-adjusted and gives us all the same homework grief that all of us parents have come to embrace. Why do I share this? Bear with me, it leads in to how I meet my new friend today.

Every week there is a group of home school families that gather at a local park. Lots of kids, lots of extra curricular activities and lots of parents gathering together.

Here is the truth to the socialization issues of home school families. The kids are fine. It’s the parents who need to meet people. Many of us spend incredible amounts of time preparing lessons, taking workshops and being teachers as well as parents. It’s not abnormal that some of us are a bit twitchy, having the tendency to be found isolated, heads buried in the I hope I can keep up with my kids sand trap.

Knowing that, next time you see one of us sort of twitching, buy us a Starbucks, might just be lack of sleep. If that does not work, run!— there are a few crazy home schoolers out there, too. Best to avoid them. (I’m sure I’ll take a few hits for this comment).

So today, not only I am getting to have daddy/daughter time, I get to talk to adults outside of my professional circle— something that I need to do more often. I see why park day has become a coveted activity for my wife. She deserves it, being much deeper in the teaching trenches than I.

Its 12:30sh, my daughter and a group of kids kneeling on a community gym stage, all deeply involved in French class. How cool is this, my girl is involved, having fun, learning, and I find a little time to chill. This is sanctuary.

I’m not alone, the gym is filled with small cliques of parents and others finding their own chill space. Most of them are familiar to me. Some I’ve spoken to, others I avoid and some are close friends. As I enjoy my moment of relaxation, I notice a new face, and thinking of myself as a self-appointed member of the welcoming committee, I reach out a hand of fellowship.

They say that water seeks its own level. I find this true in meeting my new home schooling friend, Lena.

Turns out that not only do we have the home schooling link, but she and her family are industry folk, her husband being an established lighting designer and gaffer.

We talk of business for a while and that leads us into topics of family and the raising of our children. Lena has it down and her priorities are in place. She gives me a brief history, “I worked for years as a dietician at,” (she unintentionally drops a few names as to where she has worked, and I realize she is a seriously educated and experienced professional) “but after my first son was born I knew what I needed to do.”

She promptly left her career and dedicated her life to full-time motherhood.

When I first invite her to 365, she is unsure. “I’m not that interesting, compared to some of the other people in your blog.” The furthest from the truth in my opinion. “365 is about everybody, and everybody has a message,” I assure her.

Lenathinks for a moment, “You don’t have a home schooling mom, do you?” And being a home schooling family myself, I am doubly motivated to publish her words. “I do not have any homeschooling mothers, and your words matter.” She accepts.

Question One: “What words of counsel do you have for my audience?”

I love her response, it is so global and all parents should take heed.

“Spend as much time with your kids as you can, it goes fast. Enjoy it while it lasts. Slow down and listen to them, not half listen… really listen.”

I swallow hard on that comment. My life is a sprint, not complaining about it, I love the pace. Yet I know her statement deeply reflects my mind-set. Having a home office is a double-edged sword. It’s great to be close to the family and home, but at times it does seduce me away from family reality. We do have a school room set up. Still there are times when my daughter will walk in during business hours with a simple question. And although embarrassed to admit, I half listen. Lena, thanks for the pointer. Next time, no big deal to stop for a minute and fully focus on her question. Everything always works out and I’m sure a short break will not bring the crumble my business. I challenge all of us to do the same when we can.

Lena goes on, “My kids like to talk to me, it’s an open-ended dialogue. I’ve learned to not dismiss their thoughts or try to redirect them into what I want to hear.”

Now, I think I’m a good dad. My girl loves me, I love her and I do my best to be a pretty good listener. And having a female child, I’ve learned to listen a lot. Ladies, you know what I am talking about. But this dismiss thing? It goes beyond Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars. We’re talking about my kid. Again Lena’s council hits hard. Next time I’m exhausted, and want to go to bed, I’m going to think twice before I redirect my kids question to support my sleeping needs. It’s about her, not me, at that moment.

Lena’s words are truly global. Not just for home schoolers, or families with kids in school. Council that applies to my 8-year-old or your teen.

At the beginning of my talk with Lena, she says, “I’m not that interesting.”

Lena, I disagree. Your words strike deep and are meaningful. Your calling is grand. Parenthood is a most noble of acts and you are at the top of your game. Thanks for the Dad check.