Richard Radstone

I'm an Artist, Photographer, Filmmaker, Author, and Podcaster doing what I can to create meaningful works, better the world we share, and appreciate others.

Day 569: Tov Meod

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“I know that's been proven to be something that substantially adds to life in a positive way. I mean, obviously, you have your extreme negatives, which are also very true and very varied. But I believe that those give a really solid basis for life in general."

There is a chill in the air and the streets are barely populated. But still, here and there people walk. Some with chins down, others with faces up, and on this Saint Patric’s day, several covered green in celebration.

Loud noise pulses out the doors as I pass the Irish pub. A sound I intake several times as I circle the downtown area.

At a corner, a group of women and I wait to cross the street. Then, as a souped-up offroad truck honks as it rips past intersection traffic, I turn to them, ‘well that proved a lot.’

They politely acknowledged me, and then return to their conversation.

The crosswalk sign lights up and feeling a little awkward, I overcompensate by trying to engage in conversation. I even passed them a RadstoneBLOG business card. But as the short block begins to feel like a mile, and as the embarrassment settles in, I find my out—a wide commuter alley to my side. I veer right.

Past the man steam-cleaning the sidewalk, over a few covered construction holes, and toward the next block I stroll. Then left.

Behind me, they match my pace. Three guys of dubious appearance, they heighten my street awareness. Half a block down, I tweak my head to the left as I straddle the curb. With about two yards of space between them and me, I zig-zag a little. Want to see if they’re tracking me as I plan a defense (Just in case). Two drop away, and at the intersection, I face the last one off.

“Do you have a couple of dollars?” He asks.

‘For what?’ I respond. My back to the busy road, I directly face him.

“Cigarettes.” He explains, “the store up the street has a good price.”

Inside my responsive thought, ‘Wrong answer.’ Outside, and in prescribing to the take a breath soapbox I always share, I instead ask for his name. “I’m Mike,” he smiles. “But my friends call me Pixie.” A nickname synonymous with Amphetamines as well as Webster’s definition of mischievous.

The traffic signal changes, and as I cross the street, I wish Mike a good day. “Take it easy” he gives his farewell with a verbal gesture. “I can’t find my friends.”

‘If I run into them, I’ll let them know you’re looking,’ I leave the scene.

I walk on. Again dissolve into the sidewalk traffic. Cool, I can be a little poetic here: One in a world of Sidewalk Ghost.” 🙂

For a couple more blocks I interact with a few more people, and in each, the non-verbal brush-offs are very apparent. But it’s not my first rodeo, I’ve had much worse. Yet still, it looks like this afternoon walkabout is going to be a full strikeout. Then I run into her, or should I say, she drew me in—It’s crazy how this so often happens.

Her name: Saffron—Her occupation: Anthropologist— Her joy: Motherhood, as on her chest, protected, and warmed in a covered baby carrier is her newly born boy. Asleep as we begin a brief conversation.

A recent relocate to Salt Lake City, she and her husband migrated to be close to family and in search of work.

Reflective in her views of the big why Saffron draws us toward a universal consideration:

“My personal why is that we’re just continuing on with life and now is so good; and believing in growing a higher power, right?

I know that’s been proven to be something that substantially adds to life in a positive way. I mean, obviously, you have your extreme negatives, which are also very true and very varied. But I believe that those give a really solid basis for life in general.”

She expresses her faith as a Christian, and adds, “It influences how I interact with people too.”

Those of you who have been with me know that I am a baptized Jew. For you who are just meeting me—a warm hello. And for all of us of the varied faiths that we are, please know that RadstoneBLOG and Sidewalk Ghosts are safe place for all perspectives and beliefs to meet. For, I believe in the diversity of our outlooks can be found a place where the fountains of empathy can flourish—that is, as we open our hearts and minds toward caring about one another. Okay, I’ll jump off the soapbox.

“Something I can say that’s impactful for me is, recognizing we each have strengths and weaknesses, and that might not look like the woman next to you, and that’s perfectly fine. Just remember that life is hard, and it’s okay to ask for help. There is a Hebrew term called Tov Meod, which means very good…”

I ask, ‘in the perspective of an Anthropologist, is there a different way you would answer the why?’

She quietly thinks for a moment, then responds: “When you look at cultures across the world, I see a lack of the ability to accept a higher power that’s extremely unusual. Belief in a higher power is actually a commonality within all people groups. Monotheistically and across the board there is this agreement: There is a spiritual realm, and that is required.

“‘So within this, it can be similar, or it can be drastically different. Some people will say, ‘oh, it’s the exact same.’ But if you compare Islam to Judaism to Christianity, they are extremely ideologically, and theologically different. But they do agree on the premise of we are created, we are here for a reason. And it’s not just to live and die.'”

Wow! I love how Saffron wraps up today’s why.

At first vulnerable in sharing her faith—then in an academic sense allows us all the freedom to live by the dictates of our belief systems.

In all, challenges us to look at our version of good. To ponder forward in the reality of our mortal timelines. All of it points to a notion with the reach to unify many: In her words, “we are each here for a purpose.”

And per that purpose, I transition to the question of the month, ‘Saffron, What would you like to share with other women out there?’

“Something I can say that’s impactful for me is, recognizing we each have strengths and weaknesses, and that might not look like the woman next to you, and that’s perfectly fine. Just remember that life is hard, and it’s okay to ask for help. There is a Hebrew term called Tov Meod, which means very good.

And I think that as a woman, it’s really easy to not feel as though our lives have value and are more than good. But in reality, they are very good. If we were to strip this concept down to the very basics of good and bad. It’s that duality that tends to be a constant, and not necessarily what people designate as good or as bad. But putting that concept into a modern framework—To be considered good is basically to be provided with honor and dignity that a lot of people do not give. And if that is coming from a higher entity, there is no other higher honor, and it makes life a lot easier to live and grow: Tov Meod.

Saffron, you saved me from two hours of feeling unseen. Lifted me as you allowed me into your life for a moment. And in hope that your words of wisdom might strike us all, I express my gratitude for your trust. In another Hebrew term: For the Mitzvah you have extended to us all.

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

Day 568: “Legacy” – A Tribute to the Loving Daughters of the World

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Today I sit on the foot of my mother’s bed—her 97-year-old body now a mere 75 pounds. Dementia minded and almost crippled from age, she finds comfort in 5×7 photos framed on the endtable beside her. In each, black and white photographic memories of life with a husband she adored. And as I struggle to balance the love I have for her with the frustration of my family being her sole caretaker, a stranger-now-friend of lifts my heart.

Listen To Her Story

She ask to be anonomous, for that’s the kind of person she is. As in her countenance can be found no desire for fanfair, and in her heart a deep love for a departed father. She inspires us toward goodness.

Through her listening eyes and seeing mind she advocates for no self-gain or grandeur. Credits her most humble outlook to the pained past and nurturing courage of goodly parents. Her very presence blossomed from seeds planted by a father, who in his own life had first hand witness the worst of what humankind can do. She is grounded. Transparent, as welcoming me into her life, I was overwhelmed by her love for the value of human life. And as we talked of the fragility this living experience extends to each of us, she entrusted me in seeing the torch that flamed her legacy. And as she did, I re-imagined not only my own life, but saw a fire of hope that I pray burns into the hearts of us all.

In her words, “It’s the here and now that matters, and don’t spend your life wasting it away on insignificant things that aren’t going to mean anything in the end. The only thing we can be left with is the imprint we leave on someone to help them or make them feel better.”

And as we listen to her story, might we all pause to look toward the elderly, those we love, and even ourselves—and as we do, to feel past the struggles and accomplishments behind and in front of us. And from there, to distantly unifiy in recognizing the value of one another.

Yes, she asked me to keep her identity unknown—but to hide the message she has to share with us would be a great diservice to us all. So it is on this International Month of Women’s History, and in tribute to her as well as all the loving daughters out there, I give thanks to an unnamed woman who has uplifted us this day.

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

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Day 567: Eat More Sugar

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“When you look at the impact people have had on you, whether it's a stranger, or a friend, or family member, especially—like—at funerals... It's a really great time to reflect and think of how that person lived, and all the little things: It just matters.”

After 15 years of neglecting my muscles, I’ve finally done it—committed to hitting the weight room. I admit, not a fun proposition at first. But after looking at a few dated photos, remembering my pumped-up thirties, and imagining the rush of a past where I pushed 65s on the flys, I submit to the less than 30 pounds I can now swing.

So here I am, taking my between-set breaths while looking at the ceiling fans—doing all I can to honor proper gym etiquette:

Be friendly in appearance, manage the B.O., disinfect wipe what you’ve used, and by all means, hold the chatter down. For if you are not careful, you can quickly become that creepy person. Especially if you approach the opposite sex.

I finish my third set. Test my (to be transparent) now flabby abs as I sit up to rack the dumbells. But before I stand I notice her. With perfect form and working to the right of me, earbuds in place, she focuses on her arms. I glance away. There is no way I want to be profiled as the creepy dude by seeming like I’m staring.

Yet, I could not ignore the feeling, nor the draw, that was overwhelming me. There was just something radiating from her. And leaning back into the process of learning to trust the little voice inside me, and from the safe distance of where I lifted, I listened.

Excuse me and please forgive me. I hope I don’t sound like the gym weirdo I introduce myself. She allows me to share a quick description of RadstoneBLOG and Sidewalk Ghosts. And I have to tell you, with a room full of exercising people, and knowing the space-invading risk I was taking, I was shaking inside.

Her eyes became alive, a confirmation of the trust I placed in the whisper that asked me to reach out to her. And as you read on in receiving the gift of meeting today’s stranger-now-friend, Julie, I hope and pray you are strengthened by what she teaches.

I ask her the big why: If you look at your life or the world around us—at everything that’s going on for better or worse? However you want to answer, and in your perspective? Positive or negative? Whatever you feel is okay to share. What is your why?

“Because it matters. I think that for every individual—because they have a purpose on this earth, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s a grand scale where you see people with millions of followers, or if they have a multimillion-dollar business, or it’s the sweet neighbor next door that gives you a smile when you’re walking your dog. It all matters, and we’re all connected.

And I think it’s easy to kind of downplay our individual impact on others. But when you look at the impact people have had on you, whether it’s a stranger, or a friend, or family member, especially—like—at funerals… it’s a really great time to reflect and think of how that person lived, and all the little things: It just matters.

As long as you can hold on to that, you’ll find either a deeper why for now or the beginnings of finding the why that keeps you going. The stuff that gets you up in the morning and points you away from doing the mundane things. Because you know, it’s all serving the greater purpose for humanity.”

I’m bewildered. The pull I felt in first seeing her confirmed by the wisdom and power of her why.

She tells me more of her life story:

 

“I struggled with depression. I struggled with an eating disorder for 20 years. And I felt like I didn’t matter! It didn’t matter!”

“I didn’t feel that way for a long time. I struggled with depression. I struggled with an eating disorder for 20 years. And I felt like I didn’t matter! It didn’t matter!

I felt like I had to do something big and grand to matter. And as I did my own healing, I came back to myself and asked, do I like myself? Do I love myself? Am I happy with what I’m doing?

I found the answer that we each are special unique individuals, and we all have a purpose. And coming back to who you are, and what’s right for you, does impact others in the way it’s supposed to. And as soon as you get out of you’re trying to please everybody, or doing what so-and-so says, or mimicking so-and-so, you lose your impact, or you’re limiting someone else’s impact.

Every person has a unique special gift or talent. And coming back to that thought, and using it, just made me happy. It made me realize that I do have a purpose. And whether it’s with my family or strangers, I feel like I’m in contact with who I am and why I do what I do. And that’s enough to make me happy.”

I upscale the question as, looking at the fitness community that surrounded us, a premise enters my mind:

When I think about external beauty and body perfection, I question if beauty and attraction are external. A thought that troubles me as I reflect on what often I see on social media, take in peer pressure, navigate the gossip, deal with comparisons, and to be vulnerable, look at my hidden insecurities.

What is your take on this statement? I ask her.

“Yeah, absolutely,” her posture and spirit alive, Julie leans forward. “I’ve been there. I had a time when my focus was all esthetics and it was crushing my soul. I was nonstop thinking about my body, myself, and how other people perceive me. I was miserable. But as soon as I turned inward and started working on the inside-stuff-out, and not the outside-stuff-in, my life came together. It really works that way, and I think it helps the comparison and the competition go away.

You’re less judgmental, you’re more compassionate, you’re more patient, more understanding, and you look at others like they have their own unique gifts. That they have their own unique struggles.

We’re all in this human experience, and you don’t have to agree on everything. You don’t have to be the same for you—and you don’t have to be the same to have a connection with someone else.”

Like I said, Julie has a lot to teach us. Her outlook all so optimistic—and grounded by the depression and body shaming of her past, I feel she has the credentials to offer her opinions. Yet, I have to ask the hard question:

Julie, what do you do when you look at someone who is horribly hurting, have to deal with the pain that someone else has inflicted on you, or process events that are impossible to find a resolution for?

“Well, I definitely have those experiences and I don’t think it’s easy. And I don’t know that there’s one way to do it for me. I’ve done a lot of Buddhist philosophy, and it’s helped me kind of let go of attachment to things. It’s helped me just be, and it helped me to accept the fact that sometimes we’re not going to get the apology we want. But I’m not going to let that affect the rest of my life.

You know, I can wish that person the best, understand that they’re only capable of giving me what they have learned. And that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, or it’s not hard. But it does help to let go of the hatred and release the hold that makes you want them to see what they did to you. And it gives you permission to just let them go—let them be—and to focus on the things that bring joy and happiness. To just accept that was a situation you can learn from. And that you can let it go and move on.”

I shift gears. Put the responsibility on us in making an observation. The idea that, in every interaction, we are leaving a footprint. For better or worse, our words and deeds do affect others. And heaven knows, I’ve put my foot in my mouth so very many times. So to any of you I’ve offended—please accept my apology. And per how real those interactions are, Julie shares a story.

“‘My oldest daughter has autism, and we go to church every Sunday, and it was just exhausting and awful. I go to church to feel better and connected to community and God. And I was not feeling that at all. I got to a point where I’m, like, I’m done, I’m not coming. And I was out in the hallway with her and a lady came up and said, ‘Oh, I love your daughter, would you mind if I take her on a walk while you go back to class?’ And I was just floored. I’m like, You would do that for me? ‘Oh, yes.’ And so she did that every Sunday. That was something she wanted to do to serve me. And it made all the difference in my spiritual growth and my belief in the goodness of people.

Knowing I can do this, I can raise her. I have a community. I have people who care, and who will reach out, and I don’t have to do it alone. So it’s just those simple things. Whether it’s a smile or an offering to serve someone else, you never know the impact to have. And that’s cool.'”

“To women, please give yourself that same compassion and grace that people will love you for who you are. You don’t have to hold who you are back. And that’s okay!”

I have one last ask for Julie. In support of International Women’s History Month, is there anything you would say to the women of the world?

“So my first thought is to go to what I do for a living as a personal trainer. I see so many women not living their full potential because of the way their body looks. Spending so much mental energy on counting calories and what do I weigh? Or I can’t go to this? Or I can’t speak at this? I can’t reenroll in school! I can’t go for this promotion until I lose weight!

I wonder if cancer could have been cured because a woman wasn’t focused on all of that. All the things that women are capable of. But our culture kind of holds us back where you’re supposed to be skinny and pretty… not too skinny and pretty… you know… just right.

I guess my advice would be: Don’t wait! Don’t wait for whatever you think weight loss, or body, is going to give you. You already have that within you. Go for the dream! Go for whatever you’re being pulled towards, and don’t let what others are thinking about your body stop you! Because that is not who you are! That’s not the purpose of your body. And that’s not why you’re here!

I’ll always say to prioritize internal over external. Prioritize how you feel. Even just with the simple things like your workouts and how you eat. If you’re focused on how you feel, the external will take care of itself. Your body has a natural weight. It has natural things that will settle if you create a lifestyle that you’re happy with, and that you’re good with that understanding. Again, why?

Why have a body? Bodies change? Right? So if you’re super focused on trying to look 20 for the rest of your life, you’re missing out on all the amazing experiences that come when you’re 50, 60, or 70. Because you feel like something’s wrong with you for aging. But that’s just a natural thing.

Think of the people you love: I love my mom, and I don’t care what she weighs, or what I see. I love her because of how I feel about her and the things she does. So to women, please give yourself that same compassion and grace that people will love you for who you are. You don’t have to hold who you are back. And that’s okay!”

I sit taking in all that Julie has shared. Quietly, and in the background, look at my own demons, joys, experience, and vices. And as we wrap our time together, I am compelled by a comical yet truly relevant jest that pops to mind.

You see, my vice is sugar. I’m completely addicted! Seriously, my body, energy, and sleep are all screwed up because of it. But here is the twist. Just as sugar is all around us, and for me even toxic, could the example of its pull be reformatted? Turned to a relevant and compassionate call to action?

A motivation to view the world in terms of sugar consumption as we live out both the best and worst of what it deals to us. Yet, in viewing this sweetener as a metaphor for life, perhaps the end result will not be weight gain or sickness. But rather, the knowledge of how far the fullness of our experiences, our inner selves, and our dreams can reach. And in that, the strength and wisdom that can grow by simply taking it all in.

Julie, thank you for excepting my weight room reach out, and for the all-so-welcomed confirmation of how we should be loving ourselves.

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

Day 565: The Task She Asks

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"I think we're getting to a place where anything goes and when it comes to morality, no one really has their own values that they follow. People are being tossed and turned any way and going with it. And if you don't know your truth—your own personal truth—I think there will always be chaos.”

In my continued goal of celebrating the stories of women, let me introduce you to Afua. A person bold in personality who I feel graced to have known for almost two years. And if you are a Sidewalk Ghosts podcast follower, you may even recognize her name—the story of her first living breaths is quite remarkable. And today in spending only a short thirty minutes of Zoom time together, she has once again jumped deep into the pool of trust.

“The question to ask is where your constant is turned,” Afua positions. “I think we’re getting to a place where anything goes and when it comes to morality, no one really has their own values that they follow. People are being tossed and turned any way and going with it. And if you don’t know your truth—your own personal truth—I think there will always be chaos. And I think the more that we live in a society where there’s no values, I think we’re in trouble.

So, when you ask why, I think we’ve got to get back to finding that truth. People say we don’t need a God, we don’t need religion. But whether you believe or not; it does give you that compass, doesn’t it? As to do unto others as you would have done to you. But if you throw all of that out, what do you have?”

In all that she does—and in the very way she views the world—Afua lives in union with a God she knows loves her. A God that has the right to be the final judge of all of our thoughts and actions. A conversation point that prompts me to review my spiritual grounding. To again reflect on the God I know, and in that, to process the ultimate of all considerations, who knows the fullest truth when it comes to evaluating the worth of a person. Or more overwhelming, the credentials to pass final judgment on that person.

In my opinion, take it or leave it: It is not our job to be the ultimate judge of others. However, in this living experience we are all sharing, it would be condescending and immature of me to state we have no authority to judge. The reality is that every day we have to make judgment calls. Be free to accept or deny the truths that others lean into, and as we do, hold true to the decisions and opinions that drive the persons we are. And most difficult, to feel correct in the actions and conclusions we live forward regarding others. And in accepting our responsibilities as part of the community human, the question to ask ourselves is this” Am I making judgment calls, or am I appointing myself as executioner?

 

“‘Sometimes I feel like people are saying, ‘you’re judging me,’ and I’m like, no, I’m not judging you. This is what I believe. Irrespective of what you believe, or how you behave, or who you are. I still have a right to say how I feel. And I feel that sometimes that’s being shut down because it doesn’t correspond with what they want or their behavior’”

Afua grabs the topic:

“‘Sometimes I feel like people are saying, ‘you’re judging me,’ and I’m like, no, I’m not judging you. This is what I believe. Irrespective of what you believe, or how you behave, or who you are. I still have a right to say how I feel. And I feel that sometimes that’s being shut down because it doesn’t correspond with what they want or their behavior—Right?—And sometimes I think it’s the way things are happening right now. It’s easier to just let go. Anything goes. Why have values? Why have a moral standing for something you know blatantly will not serve you or your truth? To say, well, I’ll accommodate and tolerate everything that goes against the grain of what I believe in. And then, to say let’s just go with the flow.”

She talks about being a recent transplant to Florida. “One thing I love about being here in Florida is it’s been enlightening. I mean, people here stand for what they believe in and are able to have a conversation without someone saying they’re horrified by my ideology. You’re having a conversation like we used to, and you can say whatever you want as long as it’s not harming anyone. I’m beginning to feel safe to say, these are my views. My opinions. They’re yours, and we agree to disagree and walk away. It’s fine. See you next week. When that starts breaking down to always having to say yes to you, and you can’t hear what I’m saying, I think that’s a problem. The problem happening now.”

Afua’s words inspire me. So again I ask…why?

“I don’t think people are standing in that truth. Because it’s easier to not rock any boats. Where’s the John the Baptist? Where’s the Joan of Arc? Where’s the Martin Luther King? Why did they do what they did… because no one else would stand up and do it.

Why do I say what I say? I can tell you it’s because I want to continue to expand. I don’t want to be surrounded by people who are doing what everyone else is doing, or around people who do not know why they are doing what they are doing. I want my energy to continue.”

Afua challenges us. “Have we created a society where we don’t allow one another to speak our truth? You know, there’s a narrative that we follow for whatever reason, and we’ve forgotten our soul. Edifying our soul, even if you’re married. But as the individuals we are, are we doing that? I’m not saying go around sleeping with people. I’m saying that you need to edify yourself to arrive at a place where you look at yourself in the mirror and you’re like, Wow! I’m doing all right, or I’m not doing all right—and you need to take the time to find that.”

How do you do that Afua?

She returns to the why.

“Why do we do what we do? I think our surroundings and our environments push us to do certain things that we wouldn’t otherwise do. If you stand for what you believe in, and that’s hard to do—you can feel very much alone. People love community and no one wants to stand alone.”

Afua, you have wowed us with your honesty and energy. Your views on morality, compassion, spirituality, and character are all inspiring. And you’re challenging us to become better listeners in the building of our communities, well, that is a task I hope we can all share.

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

Day 564: The Space Between

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Unleashed past the expectations of the world, musical artist Radhika Vekaria invites us all to a symphony of our own making…

More about Radhika at
radhikavekaria.com

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Day 563: Live and Let Live

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“People need to laugh and they need to travel. You know, the world is a book. And if you don't travel, you've only read one page.”

“Everybody wants somebody in their life on whatever that level is,” South African-born Laina begins as she expresses her big why—the ever-popular: Why Not.

An extrovert and world traveler she expands, “I just walk up to people and they become my friends. I’ve been to 39 countries and in most of them, I’ve stayed with people that I never knew.”

Can you think of a trip that stands out? I question.

“Yes, I was in Poland and I went to one of the famous castles there. They had these tour lines for English, Russian, and Spanish. Somehow I ended up in the Russian line as I noticed the door closed behind me. The lady took the microphone and started speaking and everybody laughed. But, it wasn’t English. So I was like, Oh shit!

Then the girl next to me looked over and said, What happened? Did you get in the wrong line? I said, Yeah, and now I can’t get out, the doors are closed. And she said, let me translate for you as she spoke to the man and a young girl that were next to her.

This is my husband Sergei and my daughter Tatiana, she said. You come to Moscow and visit us. So eight months later, with all the police security clearance and everything, I flew to Moscow. I stayed with them for a month. And then I left them and I went and stayed with another lady I met online in St Petersburg. And the month I was with them, they took time off work and they took me everywhere.”

Yes, Laina is living the why not principle to its fullest. A person following her dreams no matter where they’re taking her.

“People are afraid, I guess, and some think I’m crazy because of the countries I go to.”

How do you overcome fear? I ask.

“You’ve just got to,” she responds. 

“People need to laugh and they need to travel. You know, the world is a book. And if you don’t travel, you’ve only read one page.”

“Every time I see CNN or any part of the news: The hate people have for the Jews, and Gays, and Trans—I don’t know. Man—I don’t know. It’s really scary.”

IMG_3686

She opens more deeply to me and, as she does, I’m pushed to ask a charged question. An inquiry I preface by sharing the subtitle of my soon-to-be-published book: “Learning to Better See Yourself and Others in a Polarized World.”

And in this trust that Laina has extended, enters the subject of same-sex attraction and gender identity. Topics that some find difficult to navigate, or at worst, a prompt to attack. 

“Every time I see CNN or any part of the news: The hate people have for the Jews, and Gays, and Trans—I don’t know. Man—I don’t know. It’s really scary,” she notes as she tells me a story.

“I just had a man tell me in his neighborhood they’re taking ten or fifteen children and schooling them in a pod at somebody’s house. They feel the need to protect them from gays.”

Now please, and to all of us, I forward Laina’s experience not to incite a reaction. Her telling it to us is truly for reasons quite the opposite. For in her delivery, she holds no anger, contempt, or any wish to persecute the offender.

She asks me, “Have you been to the death camps?”

Sadly, I have not, I respond.

“Well, it’s heartbreaking, and it’ll change you. You should go.

Everybody’s trying to downplay it. But every May outside Krakow, in Auschwitz, and Birkenau they have the march of the living. I went to that and there were 12,000 Jews from all over the world. We marched from Auschwitz to Birkenau, and we collectively tried to do six million steps for the 6 million that we lost.

Then you tour the camps. Boy, oh, boy. I’ve never been the same.”

I had to inquire, what would you say to that person who’s anti-Semitic, gay bashing, or on the radical side of attacking, destroying, murdering, or hurting another?

Back to the pod people: “I just said to him, I don’t understand this rant about the gays coming from you. You know, who are you to stand in judgment? I said people are judging you because you’re 65 and you have a very young girlfriend and you have a one-year-old child. You know, I think people disrespect you for that. They think it’s wrong. So who are you to do that? And all he could say was, you’ll never understand because you’re not a parent. And that was that—Oh, and then he said, Oh, well, just remember I’ve been to a gay bar and I went to a couple of clubs in San Francisco that were gay just to check it out. So it’s not like I hate your people—It’s just that I’m protecting my children from your people?

In hearing this account my heartbeat ramps up, and as Laina calms me, she gives us a takeaway comment:

“You know, It’s all based on fear I think. But, I’m a firm believer in live and let live. I always have been.”

It’s 11 PM now. One hour until my publishing bewitching hour. Time to post Laina’s example and wisdom.

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

Day 562: Share Your Word

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An invitation to share your word

“WORD SHARE” reach out

Please send a photo of yourself, a friend, a family member, or anyone you can find holding their written word. It does not matter what language, if the spelling is correct, or even how good the photography is…

…What does matter is that the word is honest and comes from the heart.

Share Your Word

Day 561: I’d Lay Down My Life For Her

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“That's when my fear kicked in—what if I lost my wife, and the child she was carrying? And what if I had to return to our kids and say, Mommy's not here?”

It might sound overly spiritual, or perhaps too soulful, or maybe even zen, I share as I invite him to offer his insight—as at the end of a business Zoom, I place my voice recorder to the speaker.

I live by intuition, I further explain as I reveal my motivation and purpose. And as he accepts my in-the-moment request to answer the big why I felt it fair to give him a little background.

I never know exactly what I am going to write. I just sit at the keyboard and go. Tell him how the chapters of RadstoneBLOG seem to be driven by something beyond me. That my job is to do all I can to let go of any preconceptions. To simply drop my walls, and then listen to the quiet and small voice that lives around and inside of me.

And to all of you, the many strangers-to-be-friends. I share this vulnerability in hope that somehow it honors today’s strangers-now-friend: Kyle.

“Everyone has a story and it’s not until you’re authentic, honest, and willing to expose that story, that you actually step into the plans and pursuits that God has for you: That’s the why,” Kyle begins.

Back to my earlier statement of how RadstoneBLOG seems to bridge into connected stories and seasons. A result that continues to happen the more I work to not seek a subject as I push to better trust my inner self. This season somehow becoming, although recurring, God. A topic, that for over a decade regularly returns from a diverse group of people. A finding that in the above words of Kyle, is one that just might present the power to help each of us discover our places of peace or even acceptance as the diverse humans we are. It’s that look-in-the-mirror thing I am always talking about.

I present a secondary topic: One I’ll ask as many as possible throughout March. All in celebrating the importance of International Women’s History Month.

Kyle, what are your thoughts regarding—Woman?

“Wow! There are so many things I could say,” he pauses.” Thoughtful and caring as he personalizes his answer.

“‘Last Friday at 1:00 in the afternoon, I was finishing up training in our mastermind group for podcasters. We were talking about mission, values, and strategies. It was a Zoom meeting, and I had 30 seconds to go when my door opened—it was my wife.

Tears coming down her face. She was rocking from side to side and then collapsed. I ended the meeting as my wife said, ‘something is wrong, this is not normal.’

She was two months pregnant and she could feel chest pain. She could feel shortness of breath. I’m a trained EMT with twelve years of experience. So I went through all the questions I knew to ask, and it wasn’t panning out well.

So I said, okay, let’s go to the E.R. Now!

Mind you, I was in a corporate hospital job with really good insurance, and when I moved to podcasting and marketing, I had not yet found the right provider for insurance. The fears of financial pressure were there. But I was looking at my wife and asking myself, who are you speaking to? Myself to put a financial constraint on the health of my best friend, my bride, and mother of a fourth child growing inside her? 

We rushed to the E.R. They did every single test you can imagine, and we found it was extreme dehydration. 

“That’s when my fear kicked in—what if I lost my wife, and the child she was carrying? And what if I had to return to our kids and say, Mommy’s not here?”

So, If we’re talking about women, and how important and strengthening a woman is to a man; especially in a marriage, and in a parenting relationship—truly everything else disappears and stops. I saw the truth as all else faded away.

I asked myself, who else is there with me? It was one of those inspiring moments where I knew I would do anything for her. Even lay down my own life to see that the woman I love was okay. And I’m thankful to God that she is okay.'”

After hearing Kyle so lovingly speak of his wife, I am inspired to reexamine my priorities. Even to ask all of you to look within as you inventory your relationships with those closest to you—regardless of culture, attraction, or any of the categories the world is placing on us. 

For no matter who you, I, or they are—and beyond the profiles and identifiers we are now learning of—there is one bonding truth. We all have those we love, and we all have an equal right to feel safe in those relationships.

And in Kyle’s most vulnerable story, my wishes are that we all do our part in grasping the baton he is offering.

“I’ll add this as a comic relief to it.” Kyle amends. “‘When I told our kids we were taking mommy to the hospital, they broke down crying. Because we threaten our kids if they’re doing something extremely dangerous. We say, ‘you know, please get down, or don’t do that, or else you might have to go to the hospital.’ Well, we were actually taking my wife to the hospital, and they thought the world was ending.

That’s when my fear kicked in—what if I lost my wife, and the child she was carrying? And what if I had to return to our kids and say, Mommy’s not here?

So, this mental warfare at the same time of trying to be a strong pillar was such a battle. But that is the place where we get to the core of humanness, and being able to just step outside of yourself and reach.

For me, it was reaching out to God and saying, you’ve got to help me with this. Because this is beyond my control. There are so many pieces that are all connected and happening at the same time, and they are circling around all over the place. So, I don’t know where this story fits.'” 

I again reflect on my life. Look at the family portrait sitting on my desk. Then turning back to Kyle, I ask one more time, do you wish to add to your why?

“When life throws you a curveball,” he smiles, “don’t duck as you just might miss something. That’s a quote from a favorite movie growing up: Extreme days. Most people would not even know what the film is about. But it’s a whole bunch of buddies getting out and doing extreme sports, and the whole story pans out differently than they thought. But it’s such a good example of life.

I’ve always been someone to put my ducks in a row and real-life messes those ducks to where they’re not in a row. Yeah, that would be the only thing I add or revise to the story. Because in the living of your story when things do go sideways that you don’t plan—maybe, it’s really part of the plan.”

Kyle, thank you for your sincerity, faith, and heartfelt words—and per the plan you speak of, and for all of us to consider in the formation of our own whys, might we reflect on your council:

“Everyone has a story and it’s not until you’re authentic, honest, and willing to expose that story, that you actually step into the plans and pursuits that God has for you.”

Talk tomorrow my good friends,

Richard

Day 560: For Women’s History Month – “What Word Can You Share?”

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For the month of March, please share a word you want all women (and all others) to hear. The more we get—the greater our combined voice can be grown. Never forget: Your individual impact truly does matter to someone else in the world.

“WORD SHARE” reach out

Please send a photo of yourself, a friend, a family member, or anyone you can find holding their written word. It does not matter what language, if the spelling is correct, or even how good the photography is…

…What does matter is that the word is honest and comes from the heart.

Share Your Word